


The Big, Bad Wolf

by jdmfanfiction



Category: American Actor RPF, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family, Friendship, Hair Pulling, Hurt, Minor Rick Grimes, Multi, Negan Being Negan, Negan Being an Asshole, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Possible Romance, Reader-Insert, Sacrifice, Slow Burn, Smut, Tension, cursing, the walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 50,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8871544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdmfanfiction/pseuds/jdmfanfiction
Summary: You and the rest of Alexandria try to cope with Negan and his men, but you weren't known to let shit slide. You finally meet Negan and battle with your emotions and feelings for Rick and your new enemy.





	1. The Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is mainly JDM's Negan from the show "The Walking Dead." I've never read the comics, so I don't know much about Negan other than what was shown from the show. I'm not sure if I want to continue this story and make it into more chapters, but we'll see! I hope you enjoy! :)

Since Negan’s brutal attack, Alexandria was broken. Rick was broken. Carl, Michonne, _Maggie_ … Everyone was broken. You had been with this group since the Governor and even then, the looks on their faces then were not as broken as it was now.

That night, you realized Glenn and Abraham didn’t make it back. You could see the streaks of blood across Rick’s face and the distance in his eyes. He was _broken_.

The next few days were eerily quiet. No one wanted to speak about what happened – it was as if they didn’t want to remember the brutal attack.

They had thought that they defeated Negan, but this was something bigger than they thought.

You didn’t know if you were lucky to have stayed back at Alexandria and offered to help Olivia take care of Judith. You didn’t know if you could have prevented Negan from killing one of the two best men of your group.

You weren’t there, but you still felt hurt, still felt… _Broken_. These people had become your family and now someone had broken that.

“Rick,” You call out. You see him making his way to his house. You couldn’t shake off that look in his eyes. “Are you – What are we going to do now?”

He turns to you, his head hung low and his hair curling at his forehead. “We listen to Negan. We provide for Negan. We give him half of our things and he leaves us alone. That’s all to it. That’s all that we can do.”

You furrow your brow. Negan must have sent a clear message to the group if Rick was willing to submit without even a thought of revenge.

“… I’m sorry. I wish I could have been there –”

“No. You wouldn’t want to have seen what happened. Just – Continue working with Olivia. Writing down inventory.” He walks into his house and you sigh, turning on your heel to walk towards the pantry and guns.

If Negan were to retrieve half of your things, he was going to need a thorough inventory list.

The next few days were brutal. So many people had gone out and scavenge, but they never came back with too much.

You were caught by surprise when a few trucks roll into the town followed with a mass of men. This couldn’t be Negan’s group, could it? They were early. Rick had told the group that he would be here in a week.

You let Olivia stay in the pantry with the food and the guns while you make your way to Rick’s house to help take care of Carl and Judith. You knew that Carl was capable of handling himself, but you didn’t want to be out in the open for Negan to see.

From the stories, he seemed like the ‘big, bad wolf’ and you weren’t one to enjoy scary stories.

Carl was with Judith after you convinced him to keep her quiet. It would be a disaster if Negan or his men found out there was a baby within these walls… A baby that belonged to Rick.

“Hey! You said half our stuff! Why the fuck do you need our mattresses for?!” You yell at two men, raising your gun. You tighten your jaw, flicking the safety off as your finger hover over the trigger. You wouldn’t hesitate to shoot, especially not after what they did to Glenn… To Abraham.

When they move, you pull the trigger to hit the wall, hoping it would scare them. “Put it the fuck down or I won’t miss this time.”

You hold the man’s gaze and the smirk on his lips make you more irritated.

Suddenly, Rick and an unknown man enter the house.

“Put the gun down. Please,” you hear Rick plead, turning your attention for a brief moment to your leader before your eyes catch another man. He was wearing a leather jacket, his hair slick back, the beard…

And he was _smiling_.

Your eyes then catch the baseball bat that Rick was holding and you immediately put two and two together.

This was Negan.

“I haven’t seen you before, doll. Wanna tell me your name? I'm -” He coos, his smile flashing you dimples that you haven’t seen before.

“I know who you are. How about you tell your fucking men to drop the shit? You said _half_. This is more than that. In case you don’t know math, half means fifty percent. It’s looking more like one hundred right about now,” you snarl.

He chuckles, but there was nothing funny about this situation. In fact, his laugh was scaring you simply because you knew he wasn’t afraid and if he wasn’t afraid, then your gun was practically nonexistent.

“I like you. You’re a fucking ray of sunshine. You’ve got more balls than a little bitch I know here,” he smirks over in Rick’s direction and you tighten your jaw.

“Please. Just take half like you said and leave.”

“Put the gun dow – ” Rick pleads again before Negan raises a hand.

“Please, Rick! I’m having a fucking conversation with this beautiful lady. Don’t be fucking rude.” He raises his eyes to you and you finally take note of the darkness in them.

“I will shoot you. I fucking swear, drop half our shit and take the other half. You don’t know what we’re capable of, Negan.” You threaten. He steps forward and you keep your gun raised.

“Oh, excuse my fucking French. Did you just fucking threaten me?”

“Sounds like it, doesn’t it?” You quip back.

“Look at this fucking hot badass,” he smirks, grabbing a fistful of your hair. You whimper instantly and the grip around your gun lessens until he snatches it out of your hand.

He pulls you closer and whispers into your ear. “Pull that fucking shit again and Lucille’s going to have a turn at you, doll.” Negan pulls back and looks at you, handing the gun to the men who still kept his smirk plastered on his face.

“We take whatever the fuck we want to take. As long as it’s half. So, you’re fucking right. My incompetent men are taking more than we promised. I’m a man of my word and that shit is ruining my image,” he states, looking over at his two men. “Take only half.”

When the men nod and scurry away, you step forward before he stops you with a hand raised.

“I want my gun back,” you state.

He laughs. “Do you think I’m fucking stupid? You were going to kill my men. Which reminds me… Rick, you’ve got guns. Tons of fucking guns. We’re taking that too. Except not half. _All_. So, thank you, darling. I’ll appreciate all the artillery.”

You send an apologetic look towards Rick and he sighs, looking down at the bat.

“Don’t fucking look at him. It’s because of him that you’re all in this mess. You belong to me. All your shit belongs to me. Those guns… They belong to me.”

You tighten your jaw. “I don’t belong to anyone. Take what you said you were going to take and get the fuck out,” you snarl.

“I fucking like her, Rick. She’s got a damn mouth, but that can be fixed.”

You narrow your eyes. He drapes an arm around your shoulders and smirks, looking at Rick and around the house.

“What do you say, Rick? Doesn’t it look like we’re a fucking happy family, standing in this damn house?”

You cower away before he shakes his head, pulling you back to his side. “You stay by my fucking side until we leave. You understand?”

You don’t respond.

He cups your chin roughly in his direction and you tighten jaw which you were sure he could feel against his fingertips. “I’m making you angry, aren’t I?”

Again, you don’t respond.

“I’m asking you a fucking question, doll. Use that pretty mouth of yours and answer it.”

“You’re fucking pissing me off, so yes, Negan. You’re making me fucking angry.”

He grins, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he gives a slight nod of his head.

“I like the way my name rolls off your fucking tongue, doll.”

He leads you out Rick’s house and away from Carl and Judith which was something you were grateful for. The people in Alexandria glance over at you and Rick, but they stare at the way Negan had his arm around you, keeping you close to his side.

Now they were going to think you were getting comfy with the enemy.

You roam the streets of Alexandria with Negan and Rick. You continue to make eye contact and you know he could tell the apologetic look on your features. Reaching the front gate where his men were, you instantly see Daryl in a sweatsuit with a letter written on his sweater.

“Daryl –”

Negan shakes his head. “Ah ah ah, darling. You don’t look at him, you don’t speak to him. Fuck, he’s basically not even here right now.”

You tighten your jaw and notice the way he looks away from you, from Rick. He was embarrassed.

“Daryl, are you –”

You feel Negan wrap his fingers through your hair once more, tugging your head back in a rough grasp. “Don’t make me fucking hurt you, doll. I said not to fucking talk to him and not to fucking look at him. Don’t tell me you’re getting stupid.”

You tighten your jaw and look into Negan’s eyes with pure anger and frustration.

“Go ahead. Hurt me,” you challenge him.

He grins, using his other hand to let his gloved fingertip run down your throat. “You into that kinky shit, doll? I mean, I’m not here to judge, but that’s kind of fucking hot.”

You roll your eyes and feel him loosen his grip, which you take this opportunity to push him away.

“Load up the truck! Let’s blow this popsicle stand.” Negan yells to his men, watching them follow his orders without any questions asked. You lock eyes with Daryl and sigh, glancing over at Rick.

Negan walks over to Rick and smirks, “I just slid my dick down your throat and you thanked me for it.”

You narrow your eyes at his words and take note of the defeated, distanced look in Rick’s eyes.

Negan looks over at you and grins, “I bet you’d do a better job of taking my dick down your throat, doll.”

You look at him, disgusted. “Please. You’re nothing special.”

“Want to test that theory out?” Negan smirks, moving away from Rick once he had Lucille back into his hands.

“I’ll pass. I don’t fuck someone who killed my friends.”

“You killed my men in their damn sleep. I killed two of your fucking people. I’d say that’s me being reasonable,” he responds.

You glance at Rick and take note of the pleading look in his eyes once more. Your temper was running low and you weren’t going to allow this man to walk all over you just because he was allowed to.

“Your people? Can you name the ones that died? Can you tell me what they used to do before the world went to shit? Those two people of ours that you killed… They were fucking family. Glenn. Abraham. You may think about quantity, but when you killed them, you killed the rest of us. We may be bowing down to you now, but watch your fucking back, Negan. You’re messing with the wrong people.”

Negan claps his hands together quietly, “Fucking _badass_ , but just so we’re fucking clear. Don’t _ever_ fucking threaten me again or I will make your fearless leader here chop every single part of Daryl. You may have not been there, dollface, but you don’t know what I’m capable of either.”

You turn away from him, beginning to walk back to your house before you hear him yell.

“Thanks for the amazing fucking view, doll.” You glance back to see his eyes rest on your backside and instantly, you feel the anger bubbling within you.

“Ta ta, Rick. Until next time,” he says, leaving with his men and leaving Alexandria in a puddle of mess.


	2. Sneaking into the Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add a second chapter! If you couldn't tell in the first chapter, the female original character was basically Carl in that episode where the Saviors ransack Alexandria. I figured I'd keep it going and have her take Carl's place when he sneaks into the truck of the Saviors and attempt to kill Negan. Again, I haven't read the comics, so I'm basing this off of the TV show. Enjoy! :)

You remain in the back of the truck with Jesus and Carl, listening to the Saviors talk amongst one another. It was sad that the human population had come to this. They should be fighting together not against one another.

“Okay, we should jump out now. They’re slowing down so we wouldn’t be hurt too badly,” Jesus says.

You and Carl look at one another and then back to Jesus. There was no way that Carl was going to be the one staying on this truck.

“Show me how it’s done, Jesus. I’ll follow behind you.” Carl says. Jesus expertly jumps out of the truck without the Saviors knowing.

“Your turn, Carl. Go now.” He shakes his head and you tighten your jaw. You knew he was going to stand his ground – he was just as stubborn as his father. “Carl, _please_. I’ll follow suit. We’re wasting time. _Go_.”

He takes a deep breath and jumps out, running stealthily to Jesus. You walk to the edge of the truck to look at them. You give Carl a small smile before turning back to hide at the back of the truck behind the many boxes of supplies.

Once the truck comes to a stop, you grab a machine gun and hold it against yourself firmly. One man climbs into the back and grabs the box of alcohol which shatters to the ground – huh, Jesus must have done that.

“The hell –  ?!”

His eyes meet yours and instantly, you raise your gun and instantly pull the trigger without hesitation.

You climb out of your hiding spot to raise your gun at the men standing before the truck. They look terrified and their hands were raised in the air – you felt powerful.

“Stay back! Drop your weapons! I only want Negan! He killed my friends… No one else needs to die…” You yell, continuing to aim your gun at each and every man standing before you. A few of them let their eyes rake over you and you instantly roll your eyes. They probably weren’t expecting a woman to threaten them, no less Negan.

You begin to hear whistling and instantly move your gun to aim at where the noise was coming from. The men’s hands drop to their sides, gripping their guns and knives just in case.

Your eyes find Negan and you instantly tighten your jaw, following his every move. When he stands behind a man, you scoff to yourself. _Coward_.

“Damn… You are fucking adorable,” he smirks, holding the man in front of him as a shield. “Did you pick that gun out because you thought it was cool, doll? You did, didn’t you?”

Negan continues to smirk, no ounce of fear flashing through his features.

“I’ve gotta admit, doll… You scared the fucking shit out of me.” Your eyes stare into his eyes until you see someone charge at you and instantly, you turn your gun to the man and pull the trigger.

Damn it. You really didn’t want to have to kill anyone else but Negan.

You feel another man tackle you to the floor, causing the gun to fall out of your hands. You look up at the man straddling above you, bringing a fist to his face and hearing him grunt.

He instantly grabs the machine gun and points it at you, using another hand to hold you down. “Don’t make me,” he says, awaiting instructions from his fearless leader, Negan.

“Dwight, back off.” Negan says. You look towards the gates and make eye contact with Daryl, widening your eyes slightly.

Dwight grabs your knife from your hip, but you are too busy staring at Daryl to notice that Negan was now standing above you. He extends a hand for you and grins, “Is that any way to treat our new guest?”

You look up at him, narrowing your eyes and tightening your jaw.

“I’d watch the way you’re looking at me, doll.” You stare at his gloved hand.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. How could you have messed up? Now, more than likely, you were going to be held captive and people at Alexandria were going to pay for your actions.

“Really? You’re really not going to take my fucking hand? Seriously?” He watches your eyes deviate to Daryl and he grins, looking over his shoulder at Daryl. “He’s lucky he’s even in one piece.”

You watch Negan smirk over at Daryl and you wonder if he ever got tired of smiling so damn much.

Rolling your eyes, you take his hand. “Smart fucking girl. Come on. I’ll show you around.” Before he can even hoist you up onto your feet, you release his hand to stand up on your own. You brush off the dirt off your pants and stare up at him with the same intensity and anger you did when he visited Alexandria.

“Dwight, take Daryl to the kitchen and have him do a little grub prep. We’ll burn the dead and unload the truck later. I won’t have any time to screw any of my wives today…” He says, turning to Dwight and Daryl, “Well, maybe except one.”

You glance up at him and look at him with disgust. _Wives_? Who needed more than one?

When his men follow his orders, Negan begins walking to the entrance of his Sanctuary.

“What are you going to do to me?”

Instantly, he turns around and shakes his head. For the first time, he isn’t smiling and you had to wonder if it was twice as intimidating.

“Do not shatter my fucking image of you. You’re a badass. Keep it that fucking way. And besides, did you really want me to ruin the surprise? Come on.”

You follow him inside and instantly take notice of your surroundings. This must have been an old factory of some sort, but either way, it was a decent setup. You preferred Alexandria though. When Negan enters, you see everyone drop to their knees and you furrow a brow.

“They think you’re some sort of king around here?” You mumble, shaking your head.

He glances over at you, smirking but you can tell the irritation in his eyes. He steps up to the railing and begins his monologue in which you drift away from and glance around the area. Negan glances at you and smirks – you can tell his eyes were definitely raking over your body.

He leans back against the rail and turns his attention to you, “You see that? Respect. Cool, huh?” Negan grins.

“I’d say it’s fear, but whatever.”

Negan narrows his eyes and glances over his shoulder at the people still kneeling. “As you were!”

He walks away and you follow slowly behind him. You try to take note of what you were seeing, but it was helpless. This place was huge and if Rick had a plan, it couldn’t only be the people of Alexandria fighting. They would lose before they even entered this place.

You were too caught up in your own thoughts to realize that Negan had stopped walking and you instantly bump into his back.

“Staring at my ass, is that it, doll?” He smirks.

You scoff, “Already did. Nothing of my interest.”

Negan opens the door and walks in, tossing his red scarf onto the large bed. You could tell this room belonged to him. Three large windows, a king-sized mattress with a bedframe, two small couches and a coffee table all monochromatic colors of black or dark grey… He was living luxuriously in this apocalypse.

“Take a fucking seat.” He orders and you hesitantly oblige. Negan takes a seat across from you, eyeing you carefully as you keep your eyes away from him. You didn’t feel as brave as you did back in Alexandria.

“You killed two men. Two of my fucking men. I’ve gotta get something in return, doll. It’s only fair.” He says, leaning back against his sofa and smirking at you.

“No.” You respond simply.

“Fucking excuse me. Did you just say no? Look at me when I’m fucking talking to you,” he growls. You look up and the smirk from his face disappears – fuck, he was scarier when he wasn’t smiling. “Do you really want to piss me off, doll?”

Before you could answer, you hear a knock at the door and your eyes drop to the floor once more.

A larger man enters carrying the infamous Lucille to Negan.

“You must have scared the shit out of me, doll. I never leave Lucille anywhere. Fat Joseph, did you treat Lucille like a lady? Were you gentle? Were you kind? Did you pet her little pussy like a lady?”

You instantly look up at him. He was so vulgar that it was a bit disgusting, but also a bit… Arousing? Fuck, no. You couldn’t think of the enemy like that.

“I – I …”

“I’m just fucking with you! A bat doesn’t have a pussy!” The men laugh before Negan interrupts it and order the other man to get out.

“You, on the other hand, have a fucking pussy.” Negan turns to you, smirking.

“No shit. I am a woman.”

He stands, waving the barbed wire end of the bat near your face and you instantly lean back. You knew what this bat was capable of, what Negan was capable of.

“I’m pretty fucking sure I can treat that little pussy of yours like no other man has before. Tell me, doll. You fucking Rick?”

When you don’t respond, he smirks, moving the bat closer to your face and you instantly look up at him. “No. I’m not fucking Rick. What I do with my spare time doesn’t concern you, so back the fuck off.”

He grins. “Look at this badass… Were you fucking Daryl? Did I take him away from you? You know, I can help you with your needs and – ”

You stand up and instantly slap him across the face, anger fuming within your veins. At this point, you didn’t care what was going to happen to you. You had enough of him speaking the way he was towards you.

“Doll… Who the fuck do you think you are? I don’t usually like hurting women, but if the need calls for it, I won’t hesitate to shut that shit down.” He grabs your wrist in a strong grasp and stare into your eyes. “But you’re fucking lucky that I like you, even if you’ve got a mouth on you.”

You pull back from his grasp and taking a few steps back.

“If you aren’t fucking Rick or Daryl… Does that mean you’re – ”

“No, damn it! Why does everything have to be so fucking sexual with you? I can have friends without having the need or want to screw them.”

Negan maintains his smirk, holding the bat at his side. “You’re missing out, doll. Don’t tell me you’ve got a crush on someone and you can’t get him? Is that it? Did I fucking hit it on the marker? Or did I fucking _bam_ with Lucille?” He lifts Lucille and you get glimpses of what happened that night and despite not seeing it firsthand, there was no way that one’s imagination wouldn’t picture what really happened.

“Drop it, okay?”

“Oh, no no no. You killed two of my men and I will do as I please. Which one was it? You got a fucking crush or did I kill him before you two had the chance to ‘make love’?” He smirks.

When you don’t answer, Negan narrows his eyes down at you and leans down until his lips were mere inches from yours. This man did not know what personal space was.

“You got a fucking crush?” He asks one more time.

You don’t answer.

“Bingo! I think we’ve got a winner. Now, who the fuck is it? Daryl?” You shake your head, moving your face away from his. You look down at your feet, tightening your jaw.

Instantly, Negan takes a step back and grins. You knew he figured it out.

“Holy-fucking-shit. You’ve got a crush on Rick? Are you fucking kidding me?” Negan erupts into a fit of laughter and you curl your hands into fists, keeping them at your sides.

It was true. You did have a crush on Rick. Ever since he lost Lori, you did all that you can to help him through that dark phase in his life, but you knew that Rick would never see you more than just a friend. Besides, it wasn’t like he showed any interest in you before. He had Michonne and that’s all that mattered.

“Isn’t he with that fucking girl with the dreadlocks and sword or whatever?”

“Her name’s Michonne,” you mutter.

“Such a fucking shame, doll. I ain’t gonna lie. You’re fucking hot, so Rick is just plain fucking stupid,” he says.

“I don’t need you to defend me, okay? You found out what you wanted to find out, now what the hell are you going to do to me?”

Negan narrows his eyes at you, smirking. “I don’t know yet, doll. I still haven’t shown you the rest of this place. Come on.”

He leads you out of his bedroom and to the hallway where you follow behind him once more. This man was your enemy and yet, he managed to make you feel like you were worth something, like you were enough. Shaking your head at those thoughts, you watch him step into a large room that looked filled with couches and a bar at the corner.

It was then that your eyes catch the five women dressed in attire that did not seem fit for this life.

“What the fuck…” You say to yourself before you see Negan turn to you.

“I want you to meet my wives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... It seems like this story will have multiple chapters to it. Hehe.


	3. Let's Bring You Back Home

“Did I hear you right? You said _wives_ , as in plural?” You ask, glancing around and taking note of two women at the corner. One seemed very distraught while the other seemed to comfort her and quiet her cries.

“You heard me, doll. Wives. Pretty neat, ain’t it?” He smirks, his eyes deviating to the two women.

“Seems like you’re trying to be the Hugh Hefner of the fucking apocalyptic world…” You whisper to yourself, glancing over at Negan.

Negan turns to you, his back to the rest of his wives as he leans down to let his lips hover against your ear.

“Well, that’s a damn compliment, darlin’. Thank you.” He whispers into your ear as he pulls back to look you in the eye. You clear your throat. Fuck, his voice could do things to you.

“Excuse me, doll. Hold this.” He places Lucille into your hands and you look down at the bat, tightening your grip around it before you watch him walk to the bar with the dark-haired woman who was comforting the crying girl.

This was so pathetic. These women decided to “marry” this man, this monster out of what? The fact that they were dressed in a way that would leave nothing to the imagination made you roll your eyes. You were pretty sure these women didn’t know what it was like to be outside of these walls.

Negan walks away from the brunette and decides to console the blonde, crying woman. He sits in front of her and talks to her quietly, but you could definitely hear what he was saying. You grip the bat – you wonder if you were to strike Negan if his wives would retaliate. None of his men were here and no one would stop you, but you didn’t want to take that risk.

“You do not cheat on me, Amber. You know what needs to be done, right?”

The blonde nods, staring down at her hands as she sniffles.

How hypocritical can Negan be? No one must cheat on him, yet he had five wives he can use to his liking.

Negan places a gentle kiss on her forehead, standing up to walk back to the brunette. You watch them carefully before seeing him press his lips against hers. Widening your eyes, you instantly drop your gaze to the floor. He seemed like a very gentle lover despite his violent ways, especially from the way he was kissing her.

You look up to see Dwight and Daryl walk into the room before your eyes drift back to Negan who was still very much in a lip lock with that damn woman. When he pulls away, his eyes look into yours and you immediately look away.

Fuck. Now he saw you watching him.

He walks away from the brunette and towards Dwight and Daryl. The half-burned man looked uncomfortable at what he just saw, but you figured walking in on someone making out with another would be uncomfortable for anyone.

Negan takes a piece of cheese off the platter that Daryl was holding, chewing it with that stupid grin.

“Why ya got her here?” Daryl speaks after handing you the platter of food. You look up at him, urging him to not talk anymore before sighing quietly.

“Excuse me. What we talk about when you’re not here is none of your fucking business. Besides, I kinda like her company. She’s nice to look at and she’s definitely a woman who can stand her ground. I like that,” he smirks down at you, taking Lucille from you.

“It’s a good thing I’m on the right team then, aren’t I?” You quip back, gripping the handles of the tray.

“Hey, Daryl. Did you know that this woman’s got a fucking crush on Rick? Of course she won’t betray him. She’s got the hots for her leader!” Negan smirks, turning his attention to you as he continues to speak to Daryl.

You tighten your jaw and instantly turn the tray to let the food hit Negan in the face before it drops to his feet and onto the ground. Before you could even strike Negan with the aluminum tray, he grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls you back.

The tray drops to the floor as you whimper against Negan’s strong grip. Though, your eyes stare deeply into his with pure hatred and disgust, but as you look into the man’s eyes, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of … _Attraction_.

“Wrong fucking move, doll.”

“Go to hell, asshole.” You snarl, trying to push against his chest but he wasn’t budging.

“Get the hell off of her,” Daryl speaks before Negan lifts his bat to point at your friend. His eyes remain on you as the women in this room immediately disperse into the respective rooms. Yeah, there was no way they would survive a day outside of these walls.

“Bring him back to his cell, D. Apparently he hasn’t learned his fucking lesson yet.” Dwight responds by tugging Daryl out of the room and you instantly turn your head to watch them leave, your eyes softening for a brief moment before Negan tugs on your chin roughly.

“I’m right fucking here, doll. You don’t look at him. You look at _me_.”

When his grip loosens around your hair, you instantly push him back and throwing a punch to his jaw which he stumbles back from.

“I’d rather stare at something else other than you,” you argue.

He rubs his jaw before setting Lucille down to wrap his hand around your throat. Negan didn’t like abusing women, but if the time called for it, he wouldn’t hesitate.

You deflect his hand and instantly deliver a punch to his abdomen which he grunts at the contact. As you bring another hand to strike him in the face, he grabs your hair and tosses you carelessly and roughly to the ground. He straddles your waist and grabs your wrists, slamming them roughly onto the floor.

“Stop fucking fighting me.” Negan says, tightening his jaw as blood leaks at the corner of his lips from the punch you delivered earlier.

“You killed my friends. What did you expect me to do? Come in here with a damn peace offering? Get the fuck off of me!” You say, squirming against him as his hands tighten around your wrists.

“You really think Rick would save you? To him, you’re just another person to fucking worry about. You’re just a liability. He wouldn’t miss you… And your friends? Well, let’s say that’s a fucking consequence for what you people did to mine.” He pulls away from you, standing up and wiping the blood away from his lips with the fabric of his leather jacket. Negan instantly picks Lucille up and points the barbed wire end at you, motioning for you to stand up.

“Stand the fuck up.”

You take a deep breath, trying desperately not to cry at what he just said. It was sad, but it was true… So true that you wanted to cry, but you willed yourself not to do it in front of your enemy. Showing him an ounce of weakness would not help your situation.

Standing up, you curl your hands into fists and stare into his eyes. You not only wanted revenge, but you wanted him to take back what he said.

“Glenn and Abraham… They were family. We killed your men to protect our own. To you, your men are merely bodies to protect _you_. Do you even have someone you can fucking call family in this world, Negan? Your wives are what? Just bodies that you can fuck whenever you please? In a normal world, they’re called prostitutes. Sorry, but not sorry. Now, if you plan on killing me, get it the fuck over with. Like you said, Rick wouldn’t miss me.”

His grin disappears from his face and without replying, he grabs your arm roughly and takes you out of his wives’ lounge and back to his bedroom. Negan pushes you to sit back down before he moves to sit across from you. He sets Lucille against his seat and watches you carefully. You strategically look away from him, your mind drifting to Rick.

He really wouldn’t miss you.

The silence consumes the both of you and you shift in your seat, glancing over at him to see that his eyes were still locked onto you. You had to wonder what he used to do before the world went to shit.

“Why haven’t you killed Daryl yet? Or Rick? Or me?” You ask quietly.

He narrows his eyes and leans back in his seat, keeping his eyes solely on you.

“Daryl’s insurance and he’ll make a good soldier for me one day. Rick… Well, without Rick, I can’t really get my supplies, would I? You, on the other hand, I don’t know yet. How about you tell me what I should do?” Negan grins.

You stand up, looking down at him. “How about you jump out of that fucking window and save everyone else the trouble?”

He continues to smirk, his dimples appearing. He was supposed to look intimidating, scary, but that smile was charming. If you had bumped into him before this world, you would have definitely tried to get his number.

But this was your world now. You couldn’t dwell on the past anymore. You learned early on that dwelling on the past would be something that could get you killed in this world.

“Badass,” he grins, clapping his hands together lightly.

You sit back down, tightening your jaw and turning your attention elsewhere and not towards the man sitting across from you. It was weird. His presence demanded attention whereas Rick’s didn’t. Negan was the epitome of a leader you feared, but Rick was someone you feared, but also loved.

It reminded you of Machiavelli’s _The Prince_. Oh, how you would have loved to read books again.

_It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both_

In this instance, Negan was a man everyone feared. Rick was both.

“What were you before all of this anyway?” Negan asks, interrupting your thoughts.

“Teacher. English teacher,” you respond. You took great pride in what you used to do and have even taught a few kids back at Alexandria. It was nice to teach again.

When you look at him, you notice that your answer sparked his interest.

“A teacher, huh? Interesting. How’d you survive all of this?”

“What is this? Twenty-one questions?” You respond.

“Better than me bashing in your brains, don’t you think, doll?”

You don’t respond.

“Now, like I asked… How did you survive all of this? You can fight, that’s for fucking sure.”

“Watched a lot of movies. When the outbreak happened, I knew what was going on. I knew what to do. Consider me lucky,” you shrug a shoulder.

“You’re a fighter. You’re a badass. You’re not alive because of luck. You’re alive because you fought back.”

You look up at him and for once, there was no anger or disgust in your eyes. In fact, you couldn’t help but let your eyes soften. You were alive because you decided that you would rather live and fight.

When Negan takes note of the look in your eyes, his smirk broadens. Damn him for having dimples.

“Ooh, did I just do something right?” From the way you’re fucking looking at me, I’d say I did something right, doll.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Negan stands up, moving to sit at the small table in front of you as his hands rest at either side of you. You couldn’t help but feel some sort of attraction to him, but when those thoughts come, the image of your two friends being bludgeoned to death enters your mind and instantly, guilt consumes you.

“I think I know what I’m going to do with you, doll.” You look up at him, leaning back against the seat to give you more space, but he didn’t budge. He grips your chin once more as his lips hover against yours.

“Do you know what personal space is?” You say, trying to push him away but he simply just chuckles and grips your chin tighter, making you cease your attempts to move away.

“I’m going to bring you back to Alexandria. You killed two of my men and you fucking attacked me – ”

“I kicked your ass,” you interrupt him, tightening your jaw.

“You _attacked_ me,” he continued, “But I will return you to Alexandria. I’m sure seeing Rick get all cozy with his fucking girlfriend will be enough torture for you. Now, stand the fuck up. Let’s go.”

Negan releases his grip from your chin and stands up, motioning for you to walk ahead of him. You look up at him and shove him with your shoulder which he chuckles at.

“Still such a good fucking view, doll.” He smirks, moving his eyes down to your backside before he walks ahead of you.

You curl your hands into fists once more, glaring at the back of his head before he leads you to one of his trucks. He beckons a few of his men to follow and you glance at them to see the glares before their eyes rake over your body.

“Hey, boss. She’s got a nice ass, doesn’t she?” The man laughs before Negan turns to him and grabs him by the neck, slamming him against the side of the truck.

“You don’t look and you certainly don’t fucking say shit either. We treat all women with respect. Now get the fuck outta my sight. Get another guy to come with me.” He tosses the man aside before another steps forward to climb into the driver’s seat. You sit between him and Negan before watching him climb into next to you.

“You’re a fucking hypocrite,” you tell him.

“They don’t need to know that, doll,” he whispers to you, causing shivers to run over your body at the sound of his voice.

When you arrive at Alexandria, you try to avoid the looks that you were receiving before Negan glances around for Rick.

“Where the hell is Rick the Prick?!” He calls out.

“He – He went on a run. He should be back soon…” Olivia speaks and you look at her, sending a softened look in her direction. You would die before Negan touched any of your people.

“Well, that’s fucking great! Wanna give me a tour, darlin’?”

“Rick already gave you a tour. Now, if you’re going to wait for Rick, I’m going to go back home.” You say, beginning to walk away before he grins at you, grabbing your arm.

“He didn’t give me a tour of your place. You really think I’m going to leave you out of my fucking sight before Rick comes back? You must think I’m fucking stupid, doll.”

“Stupid is one of them, yeah.” You quip, removing your arm from his grasp. When he doesn’t budge, you sigh and let him enter the house, glancing over at him. It was much smaller than the rest of the homes that everyone lived in, but you didn’t mind. It was only you and you didn’t have any roommates, so smaller the better. Besides, it made you feel less lonely.

You let him stand in the middle of the living room as his eyes look around your setup. “Well? Give me the grand tour, doll!”

You lead him throughout your small, one bedroom, one bathroom house. He didn’t seem too interested and for that, you were grateful. When you stop outside of your bedroom, you motion to the closed door before walking back out to the living room.

“Ah, ah, ah, doll. Let’s see what you got in here.”

He opens your bedroom door to notice that you were missing a mattress – thanks to his men – but his eyes catch a photo of you and an unknown man on the wall. Negan walks up to it, staring at it intently. You walk back to your bedroom and see the photo that you forgot to take down. Instantly, you walk towards him to cover the photo with your body.

“That your husband?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You turn around and remove the photo to put in the drawer of your clothes, hiding it beneath the fabrics of clothing.

“What happened to him?” Negan asks.

“You got a wife? What happened to her?” You instantly respond.

When he stiffens, you nod towards him.

“That’s what I thought. Don’t ask me about my life and I won’t ask about yours.”

Negan shakes his head, letting Lucille rest against the wall. “I make the fucking rules, doll. Not you. I can ask about your life however I please, especially after today’s little incidents. Besides, where the fuck is your mattress?”

You look up at him, glaring.

“Why don’t you ask your fucking men? They ransacked every house here only to find out from Michonne that you guys just burnt it all. Way to send a message.”

Negan narrows his eyes before grabbing Lucille and grabbing your arm, leading you out of your bedroom. He pushes you into the bathroom and looks around, removing his leather jacket to drape over the closed toilet seat.

“You got a razor? I gotta shave this shit.” He motions to his beard and sighing; you grab the pack of razors you found on one of your runs and hand it to him. You sit at the edge of the bathtub, watching him carefully.

You wish he would cut himself, but from the way he was shaving, you could tell he was an expert at it.

When he finishes shaving and rinses his face, you couldn’t help but clear your throat at what he looked like now. Negan turned to you and grinned, the dimples clear in view.

Fuck. How could he look _hotter_ without a beard?

“How do I look?” He smirks down at you.

“Like a baby.” You stand, leaving the bathroom before he follows you, grabbing his jacket and Lucille on the way out.

“Admit it, doll. You’re into me, aren’t you? I mean, you’re also into Rick, but I know you’re into me too. You got a thing for leaders? Got a thing for being told what to do?” Negan grins, taking a seat at your couch.

“Why would I be into _you_? You’ve killed two of my friends and you’re keeping another as a prisoner. How does that fit into _me_ being into _you_?”

The dimples were full in effect and you were slowly losing your resolve. It wasn’t helping that he was _still_ smiling.

“You’re a horrible liar, doll. Now, how about you be a good girl and get me a glass of water? If you’ve got scotch, I’d like that too. I’m going to get comfy while I wait for my shit.” Negan says, propping his feet onto the small coffee table in your living room.

You breathe heavily, looking down at him.

“I’d prefer it if you fucking retrieve my drink now.”

“Where are your manners? I’d go if you say please,” you grin.

It was then that he catches the smile on your face and despite it not being genuine and rather teasing, Negan couldn’t help the feeling that overcame him.

“You’re fucking lucky that you’ve got a cute ass smile. Now, can you get me my drink, _please_?”

You sigh and turn on your heel to walk to your kitchen. When you glance over your shoulder at him, you catch his eyes staring at your backside once more before you meet his eyes. You could have sworn you saw a blush appear at his cheeks before he turns his attention elsewhere.

You fill a glass with water, walking back to the living room and handing it to him. He smirks up at you, taking a sip of it as your eyes deviate to his lips before you instantly look away.

“Rick may take a while, Negan. You should just go back to your Sanctuary and come back tomorrow. Who knows when he’ll be back…” You try to reason with him, hoping he would leave you alone.

He sets his glass down and stands up, looking down at you as he rests his lips near your ear once more.

“If he’s not coming back tonight, then I guess I’ll have the pleasure of sleeping over.” He says quietly, his voice deep and husky as you shut your eyes. When he pulls back, you take another deep breath and open your eyes.

He was fucking grinning.

He knew what he was doing to you.

“Not into me?” He laughs, “Yeah fucking right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays, everyone! I hope you're enjoying this story as much as I am writing it! :)


	4. Time to Run Away

“You should just go sit out on the porch. It’s a nice day out and – ” You try and argue before he stands up, walking to where you were standing in the kitchen.

“And leave you here all alone? Don’t think so, doll. How about I make you some dinner? I make a fucking delicious spaghetti.”

Just as you were about to disagree, he cups your chin and stares into your eyes with the hint that he was not taking no for an answer. “Careful on how you answer, darlin’.”

You tug your face out of his grasp before grabbing the needed items to make spaghetti – you were saving the ingredients on a good day, but apparently there was no use on keeping it any longer. Everything you owned now belonged to Negan.

“Perfect. Now, set the fucking table for two. Make some damn lemonade too. I _know_ you guys still got some since I left it for you, so be a doll and get to work.” Negan slips on a white apron, turning on the stove expertly as you arch a brow.

He was a man of many surprises.

You leave the house quickly, sighing when you spot three of his men standing guard outside your home. Way to be discreet.

You walk to the pantry and grab the powder of lemonade, crossing it off the inventory list before making your way back to your home. You try not to stop and talk to anyone about what was going because quite frankly, you didn’t want to admit that this was _your_ fault. Negan wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you sneaking into the back of his truck and deciding to kill two of his men.

Once you make it back to your house, you could smell the aroma of food within the air, wafting throughout the walls of your home.

Fuck. If he was a good cook, you didn’t know what you would do. Was there anything this man _couldn’t_ do?

You ignore his looks and walk into the kitchen to begin making the lemonade, grabbing a pitcher and hoping you could make enough that you could give to Judith or maybe even a fair share for the kids living within Alexandria.

Luckily for you, Negan focuses on his own task rather than bother you with yours. Once you fill the pitcher with lemonade, you set it on the table and glance over at him, tightening your jaw. He killed your friends and now he was making you both dinner… What the hell was going on?

“Come ‘ere.” Negan beckons with a grin, the dimples making itself known once more. He scoops an ample amount of tomato sauce onto the wooden spoon, taking a small taste of his creation.

He leans back and grins, “Holy fucking shit that is good.” He scoops another amount of tomato sauce and lifts it towards your lips. “Wanna try?” He smirks, letting the wooden spoon hover in front of you.

Your stomach growls and you don’t want to give in and try it, but you were hungry. The last time you ate was last afternoon and even then, it wasn’t a fulfilling meal. It hadn’t been a fulfilling meal since Negan decided to take half of Alexandria’s supplies.

You lean forward, allowing yourself to taste the sauce he made. You want to groan, but you refrain from doing so. Shit, that was good.

His eyes gaze to your lips, watching your mouth move to place around the wooden spoon. He continues to watch you as you pull back to lick your lips slowly, savoring the taste of what he created.

“What do you fucking think, doll?” Negan asks, dropping his gaze to begin stirring the sauce once more.

“It’s _okay_.” You respond, grabbing the bowl of cooked noodles and you set it on the table. He catches you by surprise when he placed the hot pot of sauce onto the table as well, moving strategically to stand behind you as his body heat hovers against your own.

“You know if you’re a bad liar, you shouldn’t continue acting like you fucking are. It’s an embarrassment.” You turn around and push against his chest, seeing him stumble back a bit before he stands upright with that damn fucking grin.

“And you know, you should learn what personal space is. Could go a long way.” You mutter, taking a seat before he moves to sit at the head of the table, grinning in your direction.

“Personal space? In this world, there’s no such thing. Now, pour me some lemonade.” He grabs his glass and holds it in the air for you.

“You’ve got two hands, right? Do it yourself.”

Negan narrows his eyes and when he doesn’t budge, you instantly tighten your jaw before pouring the lemonade into his glass and stopping just before it was full.

“You’re testing my fucking patience, doll. It also isn’t helping that Rick hasn’t been back yet. Here’s to hoping, though, that I get to fucking bunk with you for the night.”

You both eat in silence and you mutter a thank you for the damn delicious food he made, but you keep it a simple thank you. Complimenting him further would just make him poke fun out of you even more.

“Damn. I am fucking full!” He stands, wiping his lips of any stray mess he may have caused on himself before tossing the napkin onto the table. “Now, clean this shit up.”

Widening your eyes, you glance at the kitchen and back at the table. There was no way you were going to clean all of this up by yourself. You were tired already as it is and the fact that you had a good meal just made you want to curl up into a ball and succumb to a food coma – it had been a while since you knew what that felt like.

“What? No fucking way. You better help me.”

“Or what, doll? You gonna threaten me again? Your threats mean jack _shit_ to me, so you better start thinking of another way to convince me.”

Your nails dig into your palm once you clench your hand into a fist, staring up at him. Your irritation only grew when you noticed that he was fucking enjoying this.

“You know what, fuck you. I should have known that you have people cleaning up your mess. You treat this new world like it’s a fucking dictatorship. Yeah, new world order my ass.” You snarl, grabbing the plates and stacking them atop of each other before walking to the kitchen.

You wanted to yell, kick, hit and run away from _him_. He was getting under your skin and you didn’t know how much more you could handle before you did something you would really regret.

He tightens his jaw, walking after you as he grabs your arm and turns you around. “You’ve got a mouth on you. Didn’t I make myself clear? You do not talk back to me. What you’re doing… What you _have_ done… There will be fucking consequences.”

You snatch your arm away from his grasp, staring into his eyes with the same hatred and anger you held within your orbs.

“In these walls… Rick is my leader. I follow _his_ orders. You should learn a thing or two from him. Maybe you’ll learn something. Then again, who really fucking knows? You’re extremely stubborn and you love hearing yourself talk. You love the spotlight.”

You were asking for it. God damn it, you were fucking asking for it.

He doesn’t smile, doesn’t grin… In fact, he keeps a straight face with his eyes narrowed directly at you.

Fuck. He was angry.

“You still do not fucking get it.” Negan grabs you by the back of the neck and leads you out of your messy kitchen and out to your porch. You see him grab Lucille on the way out before he pushes you down the small steps. You instantly fall to your knees, your hands pushing outwards to soften your fall, but it was no use. Your palms were scraped and so were your knees.

Just as he was going to say something, Spencer shows up in fancy – or as fancy as it could get in this world – attire and a bottle of scotch.

What the fuck was he up to now?

Negan looks down at you and smirks, leaning down to whisper into your ear. “We’re not fucking done yet. Now get the fuck up and clean your kitchen.”

You do as he says, scrambling to your feet with a grunt of pain before you hear Spencer begin talking to him as if _he_ was trying to get comfy with the enemy.

You begin washing the dishes, resting your elbows onto the edge of the sink before you hear a dragging of furniture, maybe, from outside. You stop what you are doing and step out of your house to see that a pool table was now in the middle of the street and Negan and Spencer seemed like they were two best friends.

Something in your gut was telling you that something was seriously about to go wrong.

As you watch and listen to what Spencer says, you couldn’t help but feel anger and betrayal. He was asking Negan to oversee Alexandria, to take out Rick so he could become leader… What a fucking coward.

“You know what? It’s because you’ve got no guts,” Negan smirks, grabbing his knife and instantly stabbing Spencer in the gut. With a swift of his wrist, he slashes Spencer’s abdominal region wide open and indeed, his intestines begin to rush out of his body.

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

Just as you were about to step in, Rosita raises her hand and pulls the trigger.

 _Just run. Leave this place. It’s the perfect time_ , you think to yourself. Shaking your head, you approach the crowd before Rosita is on her back.

Fuck. She must have asked Eugene to build the bullet for her gun because the moment Negan found about the homemade bullet, you knew he had the upper hand. And if no one was going to talk, you knew there were going to be consequences.

Though, you couldn’t help but furrow your brow at his reaction of Lucille being “hurt” rather than himself. Why was he so attached to an inanimate object?

“Arat, kill someone.” When no one speaks up, the woman savior raises her gun and instantly shoots Olivia.

Widening your eyes, you run to her, crouching down to cradle her head. No, no, no. How many more of your people had to die?

Just like clockwork, Rick shows up with a bruised and beaten Aaron.

“Negan! We had a deal!”

“Rick! Look, I think I deserve a thank you. I just did you a favor.”

You stare at Rick, standing up and wiping the blood on your hands onto your jeans. You needed a shower and you needed to fucking sleep.

“Spencer, here, tried to get me to fucking kill you. Now, I shut that shit down and well… As you can see, I did exactly that. _Also_ , your girl over there… Snuck into one of my trucks and killed two of my men. I brought her back for you and even fed her spaghetti!”

Rick turns to look at you and you instantly see those blue eyes stare into your soul. Fuck, you were going to get an earful out of him.

“Now, where’s my thank you?” Negan says, turning his attention back to Rick. Instantly, you walk back to your house without anyone noticing except maybe Eugene. You knew his fate the minute Rosita pulled the trigger.

Once at your house, you quickly run upstairs and pack your backpack. There was no way you were going to stay here anymore. You leave a note for Rick and make sure you had enough clothes, food, and water to last you for a couple of days.

Grabbing the old photograph, you stick it inside carefully before leaving your house. With the commotion going on in the middle of Alexandria, it was much easier for you to sneak out.

As you step outside of the walls of Alexandria, you sigh heavily and instantly run away from the walls that promised you a home, that promised you safety.

Now all it brought was heartache and fear.

You were better off alone.

You stop running to catch your breath, walking alongside the road with a knife attached to your hip. Since Negan and his men took yours away at the Sanctuary, you were just thankful that you kept one hidden in your bedroom.

You needed to find shelter soon before Negan or Rick find out that you are missing.

“I will be relieving you of your bullet maker, Rick. And I will also be taking her back with me – ” Negan says, pointing to where you once stood before he takes note that you were gone. He glances around the crowd only to see that all your men were surrounding you.

“Where did she go?” Rick notices your absence, looking around for any answers.

Eugene mumbles, looking down.

“What? What the fuck was that? I didn’t catch that,” Negan says, lifting Lucille to point the barbed wire end at Eugene. Instantly, the man speaks and stutters along the way.

“I – I saw her leave back to her house. I’m assuming she didn’t want to witness this go any further. Your best bet is to check her home.” Eugene suggests.

Negan motions for his men to take Eugene back to the truck while he walks back to the house he was once waiting in. Rick follows suit, narrowing his eyes.

“You scared her away,” Rick mumbles.

“Good. That woman needs to fucking fear me,” Negan says, opening the door to see the first floor empty. He takes note of the unfinished dishes at your sink before he follows Rick’s lead to head upstairs.

“Yeah, well you scared her enough that she ran away.” He pockets the note in his jeans before Negan looks down at the piece of paper in his hand.

“Give that shit to me.”

When Rick doesn’t budge, Negan steps forward, snatching it from his grasp.

“You’d think that by now when I ask for something, you give it without giving me any fucking trouble. Need I remind you what happened to your friends, Rick? Shit.”

He reads the letter and tightens his jaw.

_Rick –_

_I’m sorry. Sorry for leaving. Sorry for sneaking in the back of Negan’s truck. I just had so much pent up frustration that I wasn’t thinking clearly._

_I miss Glenn. I miss Abraham._

_Don’t try to come looking for me, okay? I’m better off alone and you’re better off without me._

_Alexandria is better off without me._

As he finishes the letter, Negan narrows his eyes and tosses it back at Rick.

“She doesn’t want to be found – ” Rick starts before being interrupted by Negan.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Rick? She’s asking for a death wish. Now, if it were my fucking people, this shit wouldn’t have happened and even if it were to happen, I’d already have people going after her.”

“You don’t know her like I do and when she says – ”

“You’re fucking pathetic. Maybe Spencer would have been a better fucking leader than you like he said he would. Guess we would never know. Like I said, I will be taking her back with me at the Sanctuary. She’s a good fighter. So, if you aren’t going to fucking go look for her like the damn leader who claims to keep his people safe, then I will show you why _so_ many people kneel for me, Rick.”

“I don’t trust you and I certainly don’t trust you with _her_. I see the way you look at her, Negan.” Rick says, leaving your bedroom to descend the stairs. Negan follows closely and laughs.

“What? You fucking jealous, Rick? Not many women like her these days. If I see a hot woman, I’m going to fucking look.”

Rick gives Negan a side glance, almost threatening him to continue talking about you.

“I’m going after her and I will have her back by the time you come back to Alexandria to pick up your supplies. Until then, you can leave.” Rick walks to one the cars that Alexandria had and climbed in without waiting for Negan to respond.

Just then, Negan climbs into the passenger seat and smirks. “Looks like we do get some bonding time after all, Rick,” he grins.

Negan had ordered his men to leave to go back to the Sanctuary and if he didn’t show up in three days, they would come back to Alexandria and demand answers. Negan was a leader everyone feared, but he was smart with his tactics.

“You make one wrong move and I will kill you, Rick. Don’t make me do it because as a matter of fact, I kinda like you, as stupid as you are, you understand what needs to be done.” Negan smirks.

Rick doesn’t respond and begins driving onto the road.

You knew you couldn’t have made it more than five miles. Being stuck behind those walls made you lose your stamina, your will to fight. Rick had always suggested that you stay back on all the runs and watch Judith, so how could you necessarily say no?

Negan whistles in the car which gets to Rick’s nerves and Negan knew it too. The way Rick was gripping the steering wheel to the tightness of his jaw… Negan was pissing him off and the fearful leader was enjoying every minute of it.

“Let’s say we do find her. What makes you think she’s going to want to go back to the Sanctuary with you? She doesn’t like you.” Rick says.

“Oh, I can be very _fucking_ convincing, Rick. I’m sure you know that very well. Doll knows it too. Besides, _you_ think she doesn’t like me, but she does. Oh, she sure fucking does.”

At a distance, you hear a car approaching and instantly widen your eyes. You take slow steps back into the woods to hide before a walker grabs your shoulder. You immediately turn around to see maybe two, three at the most approaching you with chattering jaws.

They were hungry and they were hungry for _you_.

Your back hits a bark of the tree and you struggle to retrieve your knife, but when you do, you do not hesitate to place the blade directly through one of the walker’s skull.

And the next one. And the one after that. Blood coats your arm, dripping down to your shirt and jeans.

So much for that shower.

Though, just as you were going to make another run for it to hide away from the possible approach of a car, you hear a whistle and also someone calling your name.

 _Fuck_.

It was Negan.

And it was fucking Rick.

Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone!!! I hope you all had a wonderful Merry Christmas! Things are just about to get interesting, so bear with me here. Again, my characterization of Negan is solely based off JDM's performance in the TV show "The Walking Dead." I have never read the comics, but hope to do so soon so I can try and incorporate some characteristics of Negan from the comic books. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!


	5. A Wake-Up Call

How were you going to get out of this one? If either of them found you, you were sure that you would get an earful lecture. Though, you were hoping that Rick would find you before Negan did. You could at least bear to listen to him speak.

“Please, just come out… It’s getting dark soon. You’re not safe out here. Not alone.” Rick calls out to you and you take a deep breath, quietly moving away from the tree and further into the woods.

Negan’s words about Rick not caring about you continue to repeat in your mind.

Being alone was better off than you contributing to either communities.

You step on a few leaves which echo throughout the quiet area. Cursing under your breath, you begin to run in an aimless direction. You didn’t know where you were going and you were certainly hoping that neither men would find you.

Instantly, you feel someone tackle you to the ground, grunting instantly. When you look up, though, it was neither Negan nor Rick. At the sight of the man’s primal look in his eye, you could tell where his mind drifted to.

Maybe running away was not such a smart idea.

“What are you doing out here alone in the woods, gorgeous?” He smirks down at you, pulling out his knife and running the sharper end against the side of your neck. You turn away from the blade, shutting your eyes before you feel the weapon drag down to your shirt.

“Please, just let me go.” You beg.

“Who are you running from, sweetheart? Come on. Let’s have some fun. From the looks of it, it seems like you need a man to loosen you up a bit.” He moves to settle between your legs, using his free hand to grab your wrists and hold them tightly above your head.

You couldn’t move, so you shut your eyes hoping that whatever he was going to do to you would happen quickly.

This mysterious man cuts your shirt to reveal the bra you were wearing underneath, his eyes turning to a dark shade filled with lust and desire.

Not only did you hate that this was the end of the world with the dead rising to their feet, but you hated that humanity and the sense of morale in people turned to this.

When he was distracted, you bring your knee up to hit him squarely at his crotch. Once he pulls back in pain, you stand up and grab your knife. Without hesitation, you bring it to his skull, staring down at the man with pure hatred in your eyes.

Suddenly, you hear someone clear their throat as well as a quiet whistle. Looking up, you see Rick and Negan standing there. You were sure that they could piece together what could have happened.

“Did he – ” Rick begins, walking towards you.

Instantly, you raise your knife in their direction, looking at both men with distanced eyes.

“Don’t. Don’t come near me. Just let me go, damn it.”

You look down for a brief moment to see your shirt – it split down the middle and you hurriedly try to cover yourself up with your free hand. You were shaking and you had no idea what you were doing.

“Put the knife down, doll. You’re not thinking straight, okay? Just put the knife down and we’ll talk it out,” Negan says carefully. Your eyes stare at Rick solely, wondering why he couldn’t stop Negan from killing Glenn and Abraham, why he didn’t stand up for himself like he did with previous threats like the Governor… You wondered why he decided to give in and succumb to Negan’s reign.

“Talk it out? Really? And then what? Afterwards, we’ll all come to a truce and work together? I call bullshit, Negan.” You finally look over at him and the look in his eye catches you by surprise. You weren’t expecting to see worry and concern. In fact, you were expecting to see a dimpled grin with eyes filled with anger.

He gives a curt nod to Rick before Rick gently takes you down, tossing the knife away from your grasp. You squirm against him, but it wasn’t helping. He was much stronger than you.

“Stop… Please… I’m right here,” Rick coos, allowing you to push him away before he stands you up. He looks down at you and begins unbuttoning his shirt. Once you look up to see him in a plain white t-shirt, he places his button down around your shoulders, allowing your arms to slide through the holes of the arms. He begins buttoning it for you, covering you from himself and Negan.

“You’re safe… I promise,” Rick whispers.

Negan feels jealousy settle at the pit of his stomach and instead of acting on it like he usually did, he steps towards them, taking the knife from Rick’s grasp and looking down at you.

Your eyes deviate to the man you just killed and instantly feel tears cloud your eyes. It had been such a long time since you had to something as brutal as that. When Negan takes note of the thoughts that were running through your head, he gently rests a hand on your upper arm as if to console you and reassure you that you did what needed to be done.

“If you weren’t going to do it, doll, you could be damn sure I would have done it my fucking self,” Negan says confidently.

You look up at him and then back at Rick. Why were they working together to find you? You weren’t anything special, just like Negan said. Rick didn’t need to worry about you.

You were just a liability.

“We have to find shelter soon. We can head back to Alexandria tomorrow morning. There’s no way we’ll make it back and if this guy had a group, they will be looking for him.” Rick says, snapping you out of your thoughts.

Without waiting for your response, Rick begins to walk to the direction of where they parked the car. You didn’t want to follow him but the fact that Negan was strategically walking behind you gave you no choice but to follow.

Once at the car, you climb into the front seat, sitting between Rick and Negan. You bring your legs up onto the seat and bring it close to your chest, hugging it to your body. Rick begins to drive, but you could feel the tension in the air. You could feel Negan glancing at you to make sure you were okay every now and again.

When Rick spots one of the houses that he and Daryl cleaned out for sole purposes like this, he turns the car off and helps you out. He wasn’t going to tell Negan that this was some sort of safehouse, but you were sure that Negan could deduce what it was, especially from the way that the windows were barred with wood.

You walk in and look around the dark house before Rick leads you to the main room where it was used solely to sleep in. He lights a candle at the corner of the room which was enough to illuminate the entire area. You look up at both men, taking a deep breath.

“Why are you guys here?” You ask.

“I just want you safe,” Rick says.

“ _We_ want you safe, doll. Can’t do that if you’re not in our presence, now can we?”

“Safe? Yeah right. This world is not safe. Not anymore.” You laugh, causing both men to furrow their brows at you.

“Alexandria is safe. We’ve got – “ Rick begins before you interrupt him.

“Yeah. We’ve got walls, but how is it safe if we fear this man, Rick? Everything we do now is for him! We can’t make a life out of that… I’m not going to stand behind those walls and produce for him… You promised me after the Governor… That you’d do anything to keep us safe. How are we safe?!” You yell, pushing at his chest. Your anger was not meant to be directed at him, but you needed to let go or else it would eat you alive.

Rick allows you to push him, dropping his hands and also his gaze down at the floor. You knew you were hurting him and you didn’t know if that was what you wanted all along. You expected Negan to laugh, to smirk, but he catches you by surprise when he gently pushes you away from your leader.

“Stop. Stop! Now, I sure as shit don’t like being talked about, but since I’m in the damn room, I am allowed to say something. You are here right now because of Rick, but also because you decided to fight. What happened out in those woods, doll, is proof enough that you can fucking fight. Now, I’m sorry, but you’re right. You work for _me_. You belong to _me_. With that being said, I keep your people safe and you give us half your shit in return. It sounds like a reasonable bargain to me.” Negan drapes the bat over his shoulder, staring at you.

“You keep us safe? How?! By instilling fear in every single person?! You killed another two of our people, Negan. Spencer wasn’t the best, but he was still one of us. Olivia… You killed Olivia…” Tears begin to well at the corner of your eyes, staring up at him with pained eyes.

“Arat killed her. I didn’t.”

“You ordered her to kill somebody! If it wasn’t Olivia, it would have been someone else! Don’t you get that? Just because it’s not by your hand doesn’t mean that you get to cast the blame off to someone who physically did it!”

Rick shakes his head, running a hand through his curled locks and looking at you. He rests a hand on your arm and you calm down almost instantly. You look at him with the same pained eyes before he leans forward to kiss your forehead. You were used to that type of affection from him, but that was all it ever would be.

“We understand that you’re upset, okay? We’re alive for a reason. Negan is in charge now… We give him half of our supplies and we make a life for ourselves. It’s a lot better than fighting the dead and not knowing where to bury our heads at night. You and I both know how that is…”

You take a deep breath. You knew he was right. Taking a step back from Rick’s grasp, you nod.

“I need to change.” You say abruptly.

“Okay. We’ll get you a change of clothes. I’m sure there’s some clothes around here somewhere.” Rick says, trying to sound like he didn’t know what this house was.

“I’ll help her look. You stay out and keep fucking watch,” Negan says. Rick begins to argue before you stop him with an extended hand.

“I’ll be fine.”

You leave the main room to go to another room that looked very much like a bedroom. You were glad that this was just a one-story house. The silence between yourself and Negan made you want to yell and ask him why he was being so quiet.

You were used to him poking fun at you, but now he was filled with silence. Stepping into the bedroom, you walk to the drawers and pull out a t-shirt before rummaging through to find sweats.

You didn’t need to look good and besides, you were going to go back to Alexandria in the morning, might as well be comfy while you slept.

Once you were holding the clothes in your hands, you were expecting Negan to walk out of the room and give you privacy. He shuts the door behind him, leaving you alone in a bedroom with him.

“I’m not fucking leaving you, so you better start changing.” Negan orders.

“Can you at least turn around?” You ask.

“It’s nothing I’ve never seen before, doll, but since you asked so nicely, I’ll be happy to.” He turns his back to you, facing the wall. You couldn’t escape – you certainly didn’t have a weapon either.

Sighing, you remove Rick’s buttoned shirt and set it aside. You look down at yourself and your torn shirt before shaking your head, flashes of the man appearing in your mind. Pulling on the large shirt, you begin to unbutton your jeans, sliding them off your legs as your eyes take note of the dried blood on them.

Once you pull on the sweats, you clear your throat and Negan turns around with a smirk. His eyes rake over your new attire and he tilts his head.

“Usually, I like my women with clothes that show some fucking skin, but I gotta admit, doll… You look hot.” Negan grins, extending his arm out for you once he opens the door.

You blush at his compliment, but you don’t bother to respond. You step out of the room and back to the living room to see Rick look through the creaks of the wood before turning his attention on you and Negan. You return his shirt and lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek. He shuts his eyes and leans against you for a moment before Negan clears his throat.

Yeah, he was getting jealous.

“Don’t you got a fucking girlfriend, Rick?” Negan asks.

You sigh, moving to lie on the makeshift bed on the floor. You bring your legs up to your chest, shutting your eyes as if to try and sleep. You were sure that both men would keep watch and for the briefest of moments, you felt safer than you ever did since the world turned to shit.

“Yes. Her name’s Michonne,” Rick responds.

You try to tune out their conversation, but you were just glad that you were witnessing the two having a conversation without any threats. Though, you were sure that that would change soon enough.

“She a good fuck? I mean, she is pretty hot. You’ve got all the good looking ones back at Alexandria,” Negan grins.

You couldn’t help but feel somewhat jealous at that statement. Maybe you didn’t mean much to Negan either. He probably just enjoyed the cat and mouse dynamic you two had. You were playing hard to get and he enjoyed it.

Rick tightens his jaw, looking down at you before back up at Negan whose eyes were drifting to you as well.

“What I do with Michonne when you’re not there is none of your business, Negan.”

Negan laughs at that. How ironic. It seemed like that was the main statement today. Negan walks towards Rick, whispering quietly, “But you’ve got the hottest one right here. I mean, tell me you don’t look at her and wish you hit that ass.”

You may have been a bad liar, but you were damn good at acting like you were asleep. You shift slightly, biting your lower lip as you turn your back to both men whose eyes were trained on your sleeping body.

“She’s been with me since before Alexandria. I don’t look at her and wish I could sleep with her, Negan. She means a lot to me, but I have Michonne.”

Your heart drops at that and you close your eyes a bit tighter. A tear leaks out from the corner of your eye and you do not dare wipe it away or else both Negan and Rick would know that you were eavesdropping.

“Well then, it’s a good thing I’m taking her back to the Sanctuary then, huh? Maybe I’ll make her fall in love with me. When I screw her brains out, I’ll definitely give you the details on how good that pussy makes my dick feel because I am damn sure that it will feel fucking _good_ ,” Negan smirks.  

Taking you back to the Sanctuary? Maybe if you wait a couple of hours and you catch both men falling asleep, you can sneak out. For now, you would continue acting like you were asleep.

Rick tightens his jaw at that. He may have not have any feelings for you, but that didn’t mean that he wanted you at the Sanctuary away from him. Like he told Negan, you meant a lot to him and he was aware of how much of a help you were with Judith and Carl.

“Just keep watch, Negan.” Rick simply responds.

Negan chuckles, moving back across the room and lets his eyes look out through the cracks of the barred windows to look around. There were a few walkers here and there but the man from earlier didn’t seem like he posed any threat now.

Rick falls asleep at his post at the end of the room and you open your eyes to see that he was leaning against the window. He must have fallen asleep while on watch. You then turn slightly to see that Negan had fallen asleep too.

Great. So much for feeling safe.

Standing up quietly, you quietly crawl out of the room and into the bedroom where you change back into your jeans. You slip on your boots and take a deep breath. All you had to do was make a run for it out the front door and there was no way that they would catch up to you.

Negan had a bat and a knife.

Rick had two knives.  

If they had a gun, you were sure that you wouldn’t think about leaving. Quietly leaving the bedroom, you take a deep breath and begin walking before you feel yourself bump into someone.

 _Fuck_.

Looking up, you see Negan with a damn smirk on his face.

“Where ya going, dollface?”

“I’m leaving,” you respond. “Now move out of the way.”

“Ah ah ah. Come on. Did you really think that I would go all this trouble to let you leave? _Again_? You’re sneaky, I’ll give you that.” Negan grabs your arm and brings you back to the bedroom, shutting the door quietly. He lights a candle to light up the room before he sets his bat down.

“I heard you and Rick. I heard it all.”

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Listen. You’re better off staying with me, okay? I can keep you safe. I can keep – ”

“No. I’m not going back with you. I can handle myself. I’m better off on my own.”

Negan laughs quietly, walking towards you but keeping a reasonable distance between the both of you. The last thing he wanted to do was scare you.

“In this world, there is power in numbers, doll. You’re going back with me whether you like it or not. You answer to _me_. You _belong_ to me. What you do from here on out will go through _me._ Do I make myself mother _fucking_ clear?”

You look up at him. “Why? You knew I wouldn’t go back to Alexandria. And I’m sure as hell know you read the note I left, so why, Negan? Why did you bother to come with Rick to look for me? Why did you have to drag yourself all this way to come find me?”

“Newsflash, sweetheart, we’re here because of _me_. Rick, yeah, your loverboy, wanted to leave you be. He said that I didn’t know you, that I didn’t know how your mind worked, but if one of my people leave, you can be damn sure that I will always, _always_ go after them.”

You tighten your jaw. There was no way Rick would let you just leave, despite what your note said, would he?

“You’re lying. Rick would have come looking for me. He _did_ come looking for me…”

Negan shakes his head, “Sorry to break it to you, doll, but I had to fucking convince him. That little moment you shared with him earlier… It was just a pity party. He felt responsible for you and so, he had to make it up to you somehow. Sure, I’ll admit, I was feeling just a _tad_ bit jealous that I didn’t get the same treatment, but we’ll cross that bridge when it comes.”

You push him out of the way and leave the room to see Rick standing there with guilt ridden all over his face. It was in that moment that you knew Negan was right.

“Is that true? Negan made you come looking for me, Rick?”

“It’s not – It’s not like that. I wanted to respect your wishes. I would have come looking for you the next day. You mean so much to me, you know that. You helped me with Lori, with Judith, with Carl…” Rick explains.

Tears instantly fall slowly down your cheeks, staring at him with a look of betrayal hitting your eyes. All he cared about was keeping his family safe and apparently, he didn’t think you were family.

“What would have happened if you found me lying in the middle of the woods with my clothes torn from my body? What would have happened if you realized that you were too late in finding me, Rick?”

“I didn’t – I figured if I acted like I didn’t want to go after you that Negan would think you weren’t worth the trouble of saving. I didn’t expect him to want to go after you. You need to understand that.” Rick pleads, reaching for your hand and you instantly step back away from him.

Negan was watching all of this unfold and while he was glad that he was tearing the two of you apart, he couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for the both of you. Negan catches the tears that had fallen down your face, staining your cheeks and he wanted nothing more than to wipe them away. It was such an unusual feeling that he hadn’t felt before the apocalyptic world.

The sheer protectiveness he felt for you and the need to want to make you feel better reminded him of _Lucille_.

“Say something… Please,” Rick says.

You wipe your eyes, looking up at him and straightening up just a bit. Though, you couldn’t help but let more tears fall.

 _Fuck all these emotions_ , you think to yourself.

With a heavy sigh, you stare into his eyes.

“I will be going back to the Sanctuary like Negan said. Tomorrow morning, I’m getting my stuff from Alexandria and I’m leaving with Negan. I heard you, Rick. You’ve got Michonne now. What do you need me there for?”

You walk away from both men, taking you spot back onto the floor of the main room. You remove your shoes and this time, you force yourself to fall asleep.

Negan smirks over at Rick as both men walk back to take watch. Their eyes deviate to you and Rick sighs, moving to sit on the floor. He rests a hand on your cheek gently and you open your eyes to look up at him.

“I’m sorry I failed you… I’m so sorry,” Rick says, his thumb brushing against your cheek. Suddenly, you begin to cry and he cradles your head against him once you sit up. Negan narrows his eyes and he walks towards the both of you.

Without hesitation, you pull back to press your lips against Rick’s. You were sure that you surprised both Negan and Rick, but once you pull away, Rick looks down at you stunned while Negan glares at Rick.

“Why did – What?” Rick says quietly.

“You kept me alive for this long and I will forever be indebted to you, Rick, but this is where our journey ends. I just – I had to kiss you so I knew what it felt like…”

Without another word, Rick stands up and walks to the window, turning his back to you. Damn it, you must have done something to upset him. Maybe you shouldn’t have kissed him. You stare at him for a moment and suddenly, you feel worthless, you feel empty. Maybe you weren’t enough for him.

Though when your eyes turn to Negan, you couldn’t help but let confusion wash over you at the sight of jealousy hitting his eyes.

Negan sighs, bringing a hand to your cheek and he wipes away any of the stray tears. Leaning in, he whispers into your ear which causes goosebumps to arise all over your body.

“If I were him, I would’ve fucking taken you right here.” Once he pulls back, he looks at the way you are looking at him and immediately, Negan knew that you were finally succumbing to your feelings for him.

“But you aren’t so that’ll never happen,” you quip back.

Negan smirks. “All in due time, doll. All in due time. Now get some rest.”

You lie back, biting your lower lip and shutting your eyes. You still wanted to leave, still wanted to run away. You should have taken a few notes from Carol as to how she managed to leave Alexandria without being found, but you were sure that Morgan had already caught up to her by now.

You force yourself to sleep, despite the many raging thoughts running through your mind.

Tomorrow was a new day and a new beginning for you.

You were going to leave Alexandria for the Sanctuary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long chapter, guys! I've never written this much! Goes to show that once I've got the inspiration, I can't seem to stop. Many things happen in this chapter and believe me, they are just getting started! I also stopped adding chapter summaries to the beginning of each chapter, so I hope that's okay! 
> 
> Enjoy!!! :)


	6. A New Beginning

The following morning, you awake with a quiet grunt. You had grown accustomed to sleeping on the floor ever since Negan and his men took away your mattress, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t have the slightest of pain at your lower back.

You rub your eyes, looking up to see both Rick and Negan leaning against the wall at opposite ends of the corner. They had fallen asleep once more and you quietly grab your bag, leaving the main room to head to the bathroom. Locking it behind you, you stare at your reflection in the mirror.

Negan and Rick both had said that you were a fighter, but right now, you felt too emotional to even consider yourself as a fighter. You run your hands along your long hair and take a deep breath, your eyes drifting to your reflection as you stare at yourself. You take note of the emptiness in your orbs before rummaging through the drawers for scissors.

You needed a change. You needed to cut your hair. You were about to embark on a new beginning and you wanted to start fresh.

“A-ha!” You say quietly, grabbing the scissors from the drawer. You look at yourself and back down to your locks. With a deep breath, you hold an ample amount of hair before allowing the scissors to cut through the thickness of it.

Once your hair sat perfectly at your shoulders, your eyes move to the cut hair on the floor of the bathroom. You had cut your hair before the apocalypse and you just hoped that it looked okay.

Raising your eyes to the mirror, you finally let a smile line your lips. You felt like a new woman. Your hair, with maybe a few touch ups here and there, would look natural but other than that, your straight locks were cut as perfect as it could be in this world.

However, you hear a quiet knock at the door following Rick’s voice.

“Are you in there?” Rick calls out.

“Y- Yeah. I’m just – Just changing.” You were glad that you had taken your bag with you and pulling out the new set of clothes, your eyes drop to the photo of you and your husband. You slip out of your blood-stained jeans and large t-shirt before collapsing to the ground with tears welling up in your eyes.

You bring the photo to your chest and allow yourself to release all your emotions. You didn’t know when you would finally be alone without someone hovering nearby, but you just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Memories of your husband flash through your mind and you let out a quiet sob.

“Is everything okay in there?” Rick says. He must have heard your sob.

Stuttering, you try to reply. “I – I’m fine.”

Instantly, you look up to see Negan barging in. His smile falters at the sight of your tears before he takes notice of your attire and also with the new hairdo. Though, he didn’t bother making a snarky remark at this moment. His eyes drift to the photo in your hand and he steps aside the small bathroom to let Rick step in. He figured he would allow someone you were comfortable to calm you down.

“I just – I saw the picture and I couldn’t help myself…” You say, looking up at both men with your knees close to your chest and your hand tightening around the small photograph.

Your eyes drop down to the photograph and instantly feel tears well up in your eyes. Your husband died before the apocalypse due to cancer but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. Your run your thumb across the photo and instantly, you had to bite your lower lip from letting another sob escape your lips.

You looked so happy and he had that charming grin on his face. It was the day that you both found out that his treatments weren’t helping. It was such a difficult day, such difficult news to grasp. He had insisted that he bring you to the beach to watch the sunset with a box of pizza – it reminded him of your first date.

“Is it Denny…?” Rick asks. You told him about Denny when Rick was in a slump over Lori’s death. You knew what it felt like to lose your significant other, but you couldn’t understand his pain or Carl’s at the way that Lori passed away.

Negan furrows a brow, looking down at you. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t know why he continued to feel sudden need to comfort you, to make sure you were okay.

Rick takes the photo from your hand, looking down at it with Negan hovering over his shoulder. Both men had seen it before. Negan would be lying if he said that seeing your smile – even through a photograph – wasn’t captivating.

“He died before the apocalypse, but I just – I miss him _so_ much…” You shake your head, trying to wipe any tears away from your cheeks, but it was no use. The tears continued to stroll down your face, continuing to stain your cheeks.

“From the way you talked about him, he sounded like a great man,” Rick says, placing the photo back into your bag.

“I don’t think he would have survived in this new world… He was too nice sometimes,” you smile at that memory, shutting your eyes and imagining his smile from behind your lids. “My mom always told me that I scored big time with him. He was every woman’s fantasy of what a man should be. Then … Then, we were both surprised when we found out he was suffering from heart failure. He was in so much pain. Used to joke around and blame me for taking his heart. Always told him that he deserved it because he took mine too…” You begin laughing at that and suddenly, you feel more tears run down your cheeks to your chin. You wipe it away slowly, looking up to see Negan watching you intently.

He looked deep in thought.

Clearing your throat, you stand up clad in your bra and panties before grabbing your shirt and jeans, pulling them on quickly as both men watch you carefully. Once you were dressed, you pull on a jacket and slip on your boots, looking up at both men.

“Sorry you had to see that… I’m fine. We should go now.” You say. You couldn’t stand the silence and you sure as hell couldn’t stand the way that both men were looking at you.

“We’re not going anywhere.” Negan says which causes Rick to turn around to look at him. “You’re not safe to go anywhere, doll. You’re emotionally unstable right now. You’d be a threat in my community just as you would be in Alexandria. We’ll stay here for a few more days and then we will head out.” Negan looks over at Rick, holding his stare with one of his own.

“Do we have a fucking problem with that, Rick? I’m sure you’re thinking exactly what I’m thinking.”

Rick takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “No, Negan. No problem here. We should probably scout for some food then.”

“I packed a few canned goods that will last us a few days. I’m not hungry, so you two can eat.” You say, handing Negan your bag before you move to the main room to sit at the corner of the room. You look past the cracks of the barred windows and sigh when you see a few walkers walk past.

“My spaghetti must have been damn good if you aren’t hungry,” Negan smirks in your direction, following you to the room as he tosses Rick your bag. “Go and cook us something, Rick. I’m going to keep her company.”

Rick grumbles under his breath and walks to the kitchen while Negan walks over to you. He takes a seat next to you, though he keeps his distance.

“I could handle myself, you know? I’m not emotionally unstable. I’m just fine.”

Negan laughs quietly, shaking his head. When your eyes meet his, you take note of the grin he was wearing as usual.

“What did I say about fucking lying, doll? Being emotionally unstable gets you killed in this world. You ran away asking to die, didn’t you? You didn’t care what would happen to you once you were out of those walls.” Negan says, his eyes moving to your length of hair. Usually he liked women with longer hair, but apparently you were an exception.

“I still don’t understand why you’re here, Negan. What I do shouldn’t concern you. If I wanted to die, then who cares? One less fucking person to worry about on both ends, don’t you think?” You quip back.

“And here I thought I was making it fucking clear that I like you, doll. Listen, I know we got off on the wrong foot with me bashing in your friends’ brains in, but I do mean well. The only way this is going to work is if you understand that.”

“How do you mean well, Negan? You’re asking for half of Alexandria’s shit, just like you’re asking for half of the Hilltop’s. Do you really think that our group, that Rick, wanted to kill your people? Do you think we wanted to kill all those men in their sleep? You’re taking it out on the wrong group…” You admit. You knew you shouldn’t have outed Gregory or the Hilltop, but you couldn’t handle it anymore.

Alexandria was paying for Gregory’s cowardice.  

“What the fuck are you talking about? How do you know about the Hilltop?” Negan looks into your eyes. _Shit_. Maybe you shouldn’t have told him that.

“Gregory wanted you out, Negan. Rick… Our group… We had no idea who you were and why that man feared you so much. He’s a fucking coward who likes to hide behind people who could do his dirty work. We were desperate for supplies, so Rick made a deal. We take you out and then his community will help ours and vice versa.”

Negan looked like he was about to bash your head in from the way he was gripping Lucille and you slink back against the corner, looking up at him.

“We’re not bad people, Negan. We do what we have to do to survive, just like how you’re doing with your own community. You can’t lead the new world order if there are people wanting you dead.” You tell him. Maybe if he understood what you were saying then maybe he would back off of Alexandria, but at this point, you had nothing else to lose.

“I’m going to kill that fucker Gregory.” He mumbles under his breath, looking over at the kitchen to see Rick preparing the food. “And I’m going to have a fucking talk with Rick, so thank you _again_ for the information, doll. Seems like you’re starting to switch sides. I’d say I’m fucking growing on you.”

Then there it was.

The damn smirk.

“Just preventing more people from dying.”

Rick comes back into the room with each a bowl of beans and while it wasn’t the best meal, it was something that could fill your stomach. Negan takes it from him, remaining close to your side as Rick narrow his eyes at the both of you.

His mind was racing with thoughts about you and the kiss from last night. He loved Michonne, but he also couldn’t help that he actually _liked_ when you kissed him.

“Rick, you know Gregory?” Negan asks innocently, taking a scoop of the beans and bringing it to his lips with a disgusted look on his face. “Holy _fucking_ shit, this is disgusting. I cannot wait to go back home and have my chef cook me a damn good meal. This is pathetic.”

Rick tightens his jaw, looking at Negan.

Interrupting Rick before he could even speak, you turn towards Rick, brushing your legs against the side of his own. You couldn’t help the sudden want to be closer to him at that action.

He turns his attention to you, arching a brow with a small grin on his face.

“You’re still eating it, aren’t you? Stop complaining and be thankful that you have something to eat. There are worse things than this,” you say.

Negan just scoffs, continuing to eat his beans with a slight glare. Rick nods in your direction as your eyes lock with his for a moment.

“You didn’t answer my fucking question, Rick. Do you know Gregory?”

Rick stiffens for a moment, shaking his head. _Fuck_.

“Gregory? Should I?” He responds.

Negan laughs, finishing his food and setting his bowl aside. “Either you’re a liar or doll, over here, is and since she’s a bad fucking liar, I’m calling bullshit on your answer. I’m going to ask again and I want the right answer. _Do_ you know Gregory?”

You send an apologetic look towards Rick before the other man sighs. “Yes. I’m aware of who Gregory is.”

“Then you also must know Hilltop,” Negan says.

“Yes. I know Hilltop.”

“Small fucking world,” Negan smirks, leaning back against the wall. His body slowly moves closer to yours and you couldn’t help but want to lean against him, but you prevent yourself from doing so.

You figured that Negan would give Rick shit for trying to kill him, for listening to Gregory, and also for taking some of _his_ supplies back at Alexandria. Though, half of what Negan retrieved from each community was his so it was simply moot point.

“Can we just go back to Alexandria, please? I just want to take a bath and be alone… Staying out here is dangerous, especially if there are only three of us.” You plead quietly.

Negan looks down at you before back at Rick, grinning slightly.

“Technically, we’re only going back to Alexandria to get your things and then you’re coming back with me to _my_ community.”

Rick clears his throat, walking in your direction. “Can I talk to you for a second? _Alone_?”

You look up at him and see his hand extended for you. You bite your lower lip, glancing at Negan before you take it eagerly. Negan feels jealousy settle at the pit of his stomach once more, but he couldn’t let it show.

“You will talk right fucking here,” Negan says. You sigh, following Rick to the opposite end of the room. His thumb brushes against the side of your hand before he stares into your eyes. You could feel yourself drowning in his blue eyes, biting your lower lip.

“You cut your hair… Looks really nice.” Rick says.

You blush slightly, dropping your eyes and letting your lips curl upwards. Negan watches you carefully. Damn it. Maybe he should have complimented you before Rick did.

“Figured I’d do something new for once. I’m glad you like it because I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I’m sure it’ll grow on me though.”

Rick suddenly catches you by surprise when he cups your cheek to bring you in for a kiss. You lean against him, resting your hands on his chest as your lips move against his once you realize that he wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

“Enough!” Negan says, standing up and grabbing your wrist to pull him away from Rick. “She was _just_ talking and crying over her dead husband a fucking hour ago. And as much as I root on other men getting pussy, this one is _mine_.”

Rick looks up at Negan with narrowed eyes. Fuck. Rick was staring at him in a way that he stared at the Governor – filled with pure anger.

“Careful how you’re fucking looking at me, Rick.”

You pull your wrist from Negan’s grasp, shaking your head.

“I don’t belong to you, Negan. And Rick… I don’t belong to you either. You kissed me and it was nice, but you’re too late. Now you have to face Michonne and tell her what happened.” You say, grabbing your bag and tossing the keys at Rick, seeing him catch it. “We’re leaving. Let’s go. If you both want to argue, go ahead, but you won’t stop me if I leave on my own. I’m giving you both the chance to bring me back now, so I think you should take it,” you tell them.

Negan grins down at you. “Damn, doll. I sure love a woman who takes control,” he winks. “You heard the woman, Rick. Let’s fucking go.”

The ride back to Alexandria was quiet with an uncomfortable silence between the three of you, but you couldn’t help the fact that you were slightly leaning against Negan. He looks down at you and takes note of you inching your body closer to his and when you look up, you were met with his primal-like grin.

About an hour later, the gates to Alexandria open and you feel Rick stop the car. Negan quietly breathed a sigh of relief to see that his men had stayed overnight – fuck, they were going to be rewarded tonight.

“Grab your things, doll. We’ve gotta get going.” Negan orders, motioning for one of his men to follow you to your place. You pack all the clothes that you had – which wasn’t much – and place it into your bag. You look around the area and sigh quietly.

Once you leave your house, you approach Negan and realize that he was holding Judith. Rick looked like he was about to kill the man despite the consequences.

“Look at this little angel, doll.” Negan tells you as Michonne stands nearby. You didn’t see a threat whatsoever. If anything, it made Negan that much more attractive to you at the sight of him holding a baby.

“Let me – Let me say goodbye to her.” You take Judith from his arms and instantly hold her against your body, feeling her rest her cheek against your shoulder for comfort. Rick, Michonne, and the rest of the people of Alexandria watch you share a moment with Judith.

You pull back to look down at Judith, the smile on the baby’s face making tears well up in your eyes. “Hey, sweetheart. You be good for daddy and your older brother, okay? I’ll see you soon… I promise.” You kiss her forehead, stroking her hair back away from her face before handing her to Rick. You give Michonne a hug before turning to Rick once more.

Leaning in, you place a kiss on his cheek and whisper quietly, “Carl’s at the Hilltop with Jesus. Get to him before Negan does.” You pull back and take note of the look in his eyes before he forces himself to look neutral to not give Negan any clues.

“Alright, darlin’. Time to bring you to your new home!” Negan climbs into a truck and you take the passenger seat before the rest of his men take another car.

You were alone in a car with Negan. _Great_.

You look out the window once he begins driving away from Alexandria. Sighing, you lean back against the seat and stare at him for a moment.

“I can tell that you’re fucking into me, doll. No need to hide it anymore.”

You roll your eyes. “Stop trying to read me,” you tell him, trying to end the conversation.

He grins, glancing over at you. “You didn’t say no…”

“I didn’t say yes, either,” you respond.

“Well, at least we’re fucking getting somewhere,” he laughs.

Negan focuses on the road as you stare out the window, spotting a few walkers in the distance that posed no threat to you or the man you were with.

“Once we get to the Sanctuary, I’ve got a few propositions for you. I’ll lay down the ground rules and whatnot. I’ve already given you the grand tour, so that’s outta the fucking way.”

You don’t respond. Instead, you bring your legs to your chest and sigh quietly. You didn’t know how you would be able to adjust to his rules, but you figure you had to try.

“By the way, you’re not going to make me fall in love with you,” you tell him. You heard him last night and his vulgar choice of words, but if you were being honest, it kind of turned you on.

“What about screwing your brains out? I’m sure it’ll be enjoyable for the both of us, doll.” He smirks.

“Not happening.”

“We’ll see about that.” Negan grins.

After another hour, Negan pulls up to the gates of the Sanctuary. You glance around, taking notice of the zombie “moat” he had around his compound and your eyes instantly take note of Daryl once more.

At least you had an upper hand here. You knew Eugene and you also knew Daryl. All you had to do was gain Negan’s trust and then betray him when he least expected it.

“Come on, doll. We’ve got a lot of shit to talk about.” You climb out of the truck, placing your bag on your back as Negan leads you through the compound, seeing people kneel at his presence.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get to do that soon,” he grins.


	7. Welcome to the Sanctuary

You step into his bedroom once more, looking around the familiar setting. You had no idea what he was planning on doing to you, but at this point, you had nothing else to lose. He shuts the door behind him, motioning for you to sit at the same couch you sat in just yesterday.

Yesterday, you snuck onto one of Negan’s trucks in hopes to kill him and now, you had chosen to go back with him rather than stay back at Alexandria.

“You’ve got two options, doll.” Negan sits across from you, letting Lucille rest against the seat as he brings his hands together in his lap.

“One, you work for points, but you’re going to wish you didn’t. Two, you work for _me_.” Negan grins, tilting his head in amusement.

“I’ll work for points.” You reply instantly, not giving the second option another thought. Working for him would mean that you would be in his presence all the time and you didn’t want that.

“I don’t think you understand, doll. Working for points is the lowest of lows. Working for me doesn’t include what you’re fucking thinking of. That’s why I’ve got my wives for.” Negan continues. “Though, option number _three_ … You marry me and become my wife. You stay at the lounge and you’re safe. I keep you safe. You get to live like royalty in this shit world. Sounds pretty tempting, huh?”

“I’m not becoming your wife. Do you really think I would stoop down that low? Those women you have are cowards. They wouldn’t last a day out past these walls. I will work for points. That’s final.”

Negan’s grin disappears once you began to talk about his wives. He was protective of them, but only because they had given him what he wanted when he needed it.

“No, you know what? I’m going to have you work for me. I’ll give you a nice room, so you’ll have your privacy, but you’re staying on this floor, so I can keep an eye on you. I don’t trust you and I doubt I ever will, but that’s how it’s fucking going to be.”

You narrow your eyes, gripping the strap of your backpack. “What do I have to do if I work for you?”

He smirks, looking into your eyes.

“You said you were a teacher, right?”

You nod.

“Well, we’ve got some fucking kids here and I’m sure educating them would be useful if we want to rebuild this world. So, you’re going to teach, sweetheart. After your shift, you come straight to my room. If I need you any time between that, you drop what you are doing and you fucking come to me. I’m giving you a job so the people around here know that you’re not just deadweight.”

You couldn’t smile, despite how badly you wanted to. Negan had said that there were kids in this compound and that your job was to teach – hopefully it would give you a sense of normalcy.

“Why do I have to come straight to your room for?” You ask.

“Why the fuck not? You’ll be having dinner with me every night. We’ve got to build our relationship. We have to establish a sense of trust between each other. If you can’t trust me, then this will never fucking work, now will it? You decided to come here for a reason, doll.” Negan stands up, walking towards you. He motions you to stand and once you oblige, he grins down at you.

“I was going to come here regardless if I chose to or not, Negan. Don’t act like you weren’t going to force me to come here.”

“Oh, doll. That’s not the point. _You_ told Rick that you were coming back with me. There’s a reason to that. But just so I make myself fucking clear…” He steps forward, clearly in your personal space. His lips move to your ear, smirking to himself.

“I am _everywhere_. You try something shady, I will shut that shit down.” When Negan pulls back to look at you, he realizes that your eyes were focused solely on the ground. He had to keep in mind of what happened just early this morning back at the safe house.

“Do I make myself clear?” Negan asks.

You nod in response, your eyes staying glued to the floor. Instantly, he grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

“Let me fucking ask again. Do I make myself fucking _clear_?”

“Y – Yes… I understand.” You pull away from him and he laughs quietly.

“Also, you do not undermine my authority. You do not fucking talk back. The way you’ve been talking to me will not fucking slide in these walls, doll. You will treat me with the fucking respect that I deserve, just how every person in this compound treats me. I walk by, you fucking kneel. I ask you to give me a glass of water, you fucking fetch it for me. I tell you to clean shit up, you do it with no questions asked.”

You tighten your jaw, staring into his eyes. This was now his territory. If you wanted to live, you had to follow his rules. Taking a deep breath, you nod.

“Okay, okay. I got it. I understand.”

“Great! Let me show you to your room.” Negan smiles triumphantly, leading out of his room and down the hall. It wasn’t long before he opens the door to a room just a couple of doors down from his. Once he swings the door open, you couldn’t help but look at the room slightly amazed. It had its own bathroom, a large bed, hell, there was even a television with a few VHS tapes on the bookshelf.

The _bookshelf_. Instantly, you walk to the books, grinning to yourself. It had been so long since you had the chance to read anything and it wasn’t necessarily the top priority on a run, but seeing the books on the shelf was enough for you to think that _maybe_ you made the right decision.

“It sure isn’t a fucking house, but I think it’s perfect for one person.”

You look around, taking note of the three windows above you that would allow for natural light to come into the room. You see the counter with cupboards along the wall with a sink and even a damn microwave. It was a new change and it reminded you of how it was like when you first entered Alexandria.

Negan moves to occupy the small sofa at the corner of the room, smirking at you. He had left Lucille back at his room and it was odd to see him without his weapon. Negan takes note of your smile when your eyes drift to the books once more – he felt like he finally did something right.

“You like it?” Negan asks quietly.

You nod, setting your bag onto the bed and walking towards him. “I do… Thank you, Negan.”

He looks up at you, his eyes drifting to your body for a moment before smirking.

“That’s more like it. Some fucking gratitude.” Negan stands, motioning to the clothes in your bag and to the closet attached to the wall. “I’ll let you get settled in. I have some business to attend to with a certain someone. Dwight will bring you to the little shindig once the iron is prepped.”

The iron? Dwight? You couldn’t help but let these questions fill your mind, but it didn’t matter right now. You couldn’t wait to go to the bathroom and take a hot bath.

“Also, the only people on this floor are you, myself, and my wives. You may hear a few screams every night, but that’s because I’ll be balls deep in my fucking wives. Just thought I should warn you ahead of time. Would hate to fucking scare you in the middle of the night.” Negan grins, walking to your door and opening it. He looks over his shoulder to look at you, making it obvious that he was checking you out once more.

“Last chance to agree to become my sixth wife, doll…”

Rolling your eyes, you laugh quietly. “I’ll pass. I’m sure you can find two more that way you’ll have a different woman every night.” You tease.

“Well, if you become my sixth, I’ll have you two days out of the week while the rest only have me for one.” Negan compromises, holding on the door handle.

“How generous. I’ll _pass_.”

“Your loss, doll. Your fucking loss.”

He leaves your room with a grin, closing the door quietly. You look around, sighing to yourself as you take your clothes from the bag to begin folding and hanging them up. It was going to take a lot of getting used to, but you had to make do. You just hoped that Negan would trust you enough to let you go on some supply runs, especially if they were going to Alexandria.

After taking your shower, you let your fingers run through your dampened, short hair. You had slipped on a clean pair of undergarments before pulling on a pair of black jeans and a maroon v-neck. The shirt was modest enough to cover up your breasts, but it was just the right amount of cut to show off just enough.

As you were combing through the tangles of your locks, you hear a knock at your door. Biting your lower lip, you grip the brush tightly and slowly open the door to see a blonde haired, rugged, half burnt faced man.

“It’s about to start. Negan told me to come get you.”

You instantly recognize him as the man you punched yesterday, the same man who had tackled you. You pull on your boots and follow him, closing your bedroom door on the way out. The silence between the both of you was enough for you to want to pull your hair out. You needed interaction.

“What’s happening exactly?” You ask, following him down a few flights of stairs before you take notice of a man attached to a chair. Your eyes scan the large crowd and fall onto the same blonde woman who was crying yesterday.

“Boss likes to send a message.”

He leads you to the front of the crowd and you notice the man’s fear almost instantly. You see a man dressed in a white coat nearby – he must be the compound’s doctor, but your eyes couldn’t seem to deviate from the blonde woman and the rest of his wives. If this was her boyfriend or husband, why would she decide to marry Negan and then later cheat on him if she knew the consequences?

Your mind drifts to Denny at that thought, sighing to yourself.

When Negan enters the main area, people around you begin to kneel. Sighing quietly, he locks eyes with you and instantly, you drop to your knees. He smirks, looking around the room. Your eyes find Daryl holding a mop and you instantly mouth a simple “hi.”

Negan takes notice before narrowing his eyes. He would deal with you later. For now, he had some business to do.

“On your feet.” Negan orders and everyone around you begins to stand as you follow suit. He walks to Dwight and you watch Negan take hold of the steaming iron.

 _Holy shit_ , you think to yourself. You knew what was going to happen.

“I’d say I’m a fucking reasonable man, aren’t I?” Negan begins, inching way closer to the man strapped to the chair.

“Yes, Negan,” everyone responds.

“Well, then great. Now, as you must know, we have fucking rules here! You break a rule and you know the fucking consequence. I could bring Lucille down here, but lucky for you, she’s not fucking thirsty. Let this be a lesson to everyone! You must follow the rules or there will be consequences!”

Negan looks down at the younger man and smirks, “Now, this will be a bit hard to fucking watch and believe me, I don’t want to do this, but rules are rules! We are the Saviors and the only way that works is if everyone fucking cooperates and follows those rules.”

Instantly, Negan places the hot iron to the man’s cheek. You widen your eyes, your breathing becoming heavy as the man’s screams echo throughout the room. You look at Daryl and you two both make eye contact again.

“Pussy pissed himself. Fucking passed out.” Negan says, laughing to himself as he handed Dwight the iron. He looks around the room, his eyes falling to you for a moment.

“Let this be a reminder to everyone else that rules _fucking_ matter. I don’t want to have to do this again.” Negan walks to Daryl, whispering in his ear. Your eyes watch the interaction, biting your lower lip.

Instantly, Daryl begins mopping the mess and the doctor walking to the burnt man.

Your eyes stare at the unconscious man – you were scared. You have never seen Negan be brutal, but you knew he was capable of it. You were snapped out of your trance when Negan stands in front of you, smirking down at you as he whispers quietly.

“Some crazy shit, huh? You must think I’m a lunatic.”

You look up at him, tightening his jaw and shaking your head. You turn around, leaving the main room as a few people watch the interaction between you and Negan. Negan narrows his eyes, not exactly enjoying that you just walked away from him before he glances around.

“Alright, back to work! Dinner should be served soon, so you all better get in fucking line! Dwight, bring me two plates back to my room.” Negan orders, following you up the stairs and away from the crowd of people.

Once you were on the floor of your room, you look back to see Negan walking towards you.

“Get away from me,” you tell him.

He laughs, reaching a hand out to grab your wrist. “If I’m talking to you, you fucking respond back. You don’t walk away until I fucking tell you to, do I make myself clear?”

You snatch your wrist away from his grasp, pushing his chest. “You didn’t have to do that, Negan. The fear in that guy’s eyes was alone for your message to set in! You – You burnt half of his face because what? Your wife fucked him?”

Negan tightens his jaw, pulling you into his room and shutting the door. He was just glad that the floor was empty so no one could hear you yelling.

“Did you not listen to what I just fucking said back there, doll? Rules matter. It’s what will help us build a civilization in this shit world. As for my wives, don’t talk about them like you know what it’s all about.” Negan removes his leather jacket, setting it on the bed as he makes you sit down at the couch.

“No. Let’s fucking talk about your wives, Negan. You’re not a fair man. You tell your wives not to cheat on you, but you go ahead and do exactly what you’re telling them not to do. How is that fair?”

Negan narrows his eyes, the smile long gone from his face. “They willingly married me, doll. They knew what the rules were for being my wife. They don’t cheat on me and they won’t have to worry about a fucking thing. They are fucking aware of what they signed up for. I didn’t force them to marry me. They _chose_ to marry me after I laid out my rules, doll.”

You shake your head, looking out the large window and watching the sun begin to set. It was so beautiful that you almost forgot that the dead walked amongst you and that you were at the mercy of a murderer.

 When Negan realizes that you weren’t going to continue arguing, he drops the matter and sits across from you. He takes note of where your eyes move before sighing, hearing a knock at the door. “That’s dinner.” You hear him say.

Dwight enters the room with two trays of food and was half expecting to see one of Negan’s wives, but was surprised to see you. Though, Dwight doesn’t dare to ask what was going on – it wasn’t his business.

Once the other man leaves, Negan brings the food to the small table and hands you a plate. You look down at the food and sigh. Mashed potatoes, corn, and a small side of vegetables. It looked so heavenly that you instantly begin eating, your eyes remaining on the view outside of his window.

“You can’t keep judging the way I do things around here, doll.” Negan says, taking a forkful of vegetables and a scoop of mashed potatoes.

You turn your attention to him, sighing quietly and setting down your empty plate. You look at him, tilting your head. He was right. Despite coming to the Sanctuary regardless, you still decided to choose him over Rick and it still had you wondering why you did it.

“There are just other ways to do things, Negan. Fear will cause people to go behind your back. If you have no sense of trust between your people, then how can you expect to lead us to new civilization? And honestly, I really don’t mean to tell you how to run things, but I’m going to speak my mind.” You say hesitantly, bringing your legs to your chest, hugging it close to you.

Negan narrows his eyes at you, finishing the rest of his food. He didn’t enjoy being told what to do or how things should be done, but somehow, he was letting you off the hook. He knew you were right, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

All he needed was to work on you trusting him.

“How’d you fall in love with Rick anyway?” Negan asks, leaning back against his sofa.

You look at him, sending him a threatening look and tightening your jaw. “Does it really matter now?”

“Well, I just want to know how you can feel love again after your husband.”

“Why do you want to know, Negan? Rick saved me, okay? His group saved _me_. That man you killed, Glenn? Yeah, he’s the reason that I’m here. Convinced Rick that I was worth saving. Just because I possibly fell for Rick doesn’t mean that I love my husband any less.” You say. Denny was such a tough subject. He had died two years before the outbreak and you never really had the chance to grieve.

“No need to fucking get defensive, doll. I was just wondering.”

“You don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m coming to terms that Rick and I will never be a thing and I’m okay with that. What happened today… In that bathroom… Just made me realize how much I missed my husband, okay, Negan?”

Negan looks at you, taking note that your eyes had deviated back to the window. The sun finally set, but there was still a gradient hue painted in the sky. He couldn’t help but remember how broken you looked and the story about your husband. It reminded him so much of his life before the apocalypse, which was maybe why he felt inclined to keep you.

You both had many things in common and he wished that you ended up on his team before Rick because now he had to work to gain your trust.

“Your husband was a lucky fucking man then to have you as his wife.”

You look up at him, arching a brow. You had to wonder where the scary man from earlier went? You figure that Negan was a self-centered man who only cared about himself. You didn’t think he would give you a compliment that didn’t involve your looks.

“He’s not here, so I obviously didn’t do a good job as a wife.” You tell him, biting your lower lip. You look away from him, your thoughts hovering on Denny for a moment. You never told Rick, but you always blamed yourself for his death. You shouldn’t have been so lenient with his decision to let go, to let him live his life to the fullest before he passed… Maybe you should have tried harder, tried to convince him that he should have given every possibility a chance, despite what doctors told you both.

Negan didn’t respond, only because he knew exactly how you felt.

“He was going to die anyway, right? You said the treatments wouldn’t work…”

You look up at him, staring into his eyes. You realize that there was something he was hiding, as if he understood what you were going through.

“There had to be a cure somewhere out there… His diagnosis came to us as a shock. He had been so healthy years prior and then bam, heart failure…”

Negan tightens his jaw for a moment, finally breaking his gaze at you to turn towards the windows. Talking about Lucille always made him realize his mistakes while she was still alive and talking to you made the guilt appear once more.

Maybe you would be the one to finally help him grieve.

“I don’t know, doll. Life works in mysterious ways, or some shit like that. If he was here right now, then I wouldn’t have you all to myself, so maybe I should thank him for sending you my way,” he grins, trying to ease the tension. Negan needed to slip back into his usual façade before you could take notice.

You roll your eyes. “You don’t have me all to yourself.”

“Oh, darlin’. I do. Rick’s not around and I’m guarantee you that none of my men will even look at you once I tell them that you are off limits.”

You couldn’t help but blush at that – Negan was a very possessive man and he loved to make the message clear that whatever was his was _only_ his.

“I am never going to be yours, Negan. You seem to forget that you killed two of my friends, two of the people that have kept me safe… I’ll admit, I am attracted to you, but that’s all it’ll ever be. _Nothing_ is going to happen between us. I will stay here and do as you ask, but that is all.”

Negan grins.

“So, you’re saying that you’re fucking attracted to me? Doll, don’t you know what attraction does to people?” Negan stands, sitting at the table. He was in your personal space again. His legs brush against yours and he leans forward, staring into your eyes once you turn your attention to him.

“I’m not going to act on it. I’ve got a lot of self-control, Negan. Haven’t slept with a man since my husband died and I’m going to keep it that way.” You admit, but his smirk just broadens.

“You’re telling me that it’s been _years_ since you’ve had some dick?”

“Why are you always so vulgar?” You reply.

“I’m going to make it my mission to fucking change that. If you’re telling the truth about not fucking with anyone since before this world turned to shit, then I am fucking sure that you are _tight_ as a virgin down there.” Negan grins, his brown orbs staring at you intently. His dimples weren’t also helping with the attraction either. He knew he was good looking and damn, did he own it too.

“You are really disgusting, do you know that?”

He clicks his tongue, leaning back slightly with a large smile. Just as he was about to say something, his door opens to reveal Amber dressed in a very small bra and panties that didn’t leave much to the imagination. When her eyes drift to you and the close proximity between you and Negan, her smile falters for a moment before swinging her hips towards Negan.

You clear your throat, looking at Amber. How could this woman sleep with the man that burnt her boyfriend’s face?

“That’s my cue. I’m going to leave.”

Negan couldn’t help but stare at Amber. The bra and panties were enough for him to want to rip them off her body and fuck her right there, even if you were watching.

As you stand up, you see Amber size you up and you laugh, looking over her body. You always had the confidence about your body with the right curves, flat abdomen, plump buttocks… Many women adored your figure before the apocalypse and you always told them that you since Denny died, you took up a lot of running, weight lifting, and yoga. You were just glad that you still had your figure.

Negan watches you, his pants causing an uncomfortableness as he shifts, trying to adjust himself.

“You don’t scare me,” you whisper to Amber who looks at you with narrowed eyes.

“Don’t worry. He’s all yours. No need to get jealous,” you say out loud, seeing Amber tighten her jaw before turning her attention to Negan.

“Negan, baby… I figured I’d give you an apology for what happened in a way I only know how,” she undoes her bra, letting it drop to the floor. You narrow your eyes at Negan who couldn’t help but stare before his eyes drift to you.

You thought maybe this man could change, but the moment a naked woman entered his bedroom, you realized it was a long shot.

“Close your door on the way out,” You hear Amber say, giggling to herself. You take a deep breath and nod, shutting the door and instantly walking to your room.

It was at this moment that you missed Denny the most. You missed his touch, his arms wrapping around you, his soft, yet deep voice… You lock your door, removing your jeans to lie clad in your v-neck and panties before climbing onto the bed.

The photo of you and Denny rest on the nightstand nearby and you bring it close to your chest, burying yourself in the covers.

You felt so lonely. You didn’t have anyone to fall back on. You didn’t have Rick. You didn’t have Alexandria. You were afraid to wake up the next morning knowing that you wouldn’t be able to see Judith, to see Carl…

This was a new world and you didn’t know if you were ready for it.

Suddenly, you hear a loud scream of pleasure escaping from a woman’s lips. You shut your eyes tightly, the sounds of Negan pleasuring his wife, Amber, continued to echo throughout the quiet top floor.

You needed to leave or find something to drain out the sound of a creaking bed and constant moans. So, instead, you climb out of bed, setting the photo back onto the nightstand before pulling your jeans on. It was dark out, but the night was still young.

You slip on an oversized flannel and walk to your bookcase, searching for a book to occupy yourself with. Instantly, your eyes catch _Romeo and Juliet_. It brought tears to your eyes and you instantly pull it from the shelf.

 _Romeo and Juliet_ was a story that you and Denny loved to talk about. Maybe it was a sign from him that he was always with you.

Taking a deep breath, you hold the book close to you and leave your room. The sounds of pleasure were louder once you were out in the halls, but once you reach the stairs, you instantly descend them quickly.

You noticed that there were a few lounging areas inside and outside of the compound. Opting to go stay inside so you could have light, you walk to the empty cafeteria and take a seat at the table. You were sure that people were getting ready to sleep, despite how early it seemed to be.

You open the book and take a deep breath, instantly beginning to read. It would have been so much better if you had a cup of coffee and maybe a muffin, but this wasn’t a coffee shop. You were living in an apocalyptic world now.

You didn’t realize how much time passed before you hear quiet whistling coming from the stairs. You clear your throat, looking over your shoulder to see Negan. You couldn’t help but feel disgusted, but also a bit _jealous_. From the sounds that Amber was making, you were positive that Negan knew exactly what he was doing.

“What the hell are you doing?” Negan asks, placing Lucille over his shoulder.

You hold up the book, turning your attention back to the page you left off on before he snatches it from you.

“You’re not supposed to be out,” he tells you, tossing the book onto the table.

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t exactly sleep without your wife’s moans echoing throughout the floor. I also didn’t want to hear the bed hitting the wall, so I figured I’d leave and let you finish before going back to my room to sleep.” You tell him, tightening your jaw.

He narrows his eyes at you, his gloved hand gripping the handle of Lucille.

“It’s not my fucking fault I’m so good at fucking.”  

You arch a brow, “You just used fucking in one sentence with both two different meanings. Wow.”

Suddenly, he breaks out into a smile. Negan motions back to the stairs. “You need to be in bed. You’ve got an early morning tomorrow. Dwight’s going to show you around. We have a vacant room where we’ll set up as a classroom. A few of my men told me there are about twenty kids here, all different age ranges.”

You stand, nodding at what he was saying. He leads you up the stairs and back onto the floor of your room and his as well.

“Aside from your wife, thank you for dinner and also for today… I know I’m the enemy, but I really appreciate it.” You admit, allowing him to walk you back to your bedroom.

“Don’t mind Amber. She always gets jealous whenever I take a liking to another woman,” he smirks.

You open the door, looking up at him for a moment.

“Seems that way, doesn’t it? Good night, Negan.”

Negan grins down at you, tilting his head. “Do I get a kiss good night?”

“You’re pushing your luck,” you let a small smile line your lips which he returns with a softened look that you weren’t used to seeing on him.

“At least we’re getting somewhere. Good night, doll. Sleep tight.” Negan turns on his heel, heading to his room and you shut the door.

How could this man have killed two of your friends when right now, he didn’t seem like he could hurt anyone? It was going to be difficult to try and betray him if he was this charming and sweet…

You get ready for bed, climbing in and setting the photograph next to you.

Tomorrow was a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this was a long chapter, guys! I hope you guys like the fact that I included Denny somehow. I'm also loving all the comments that you are leaving for me -- it seriously makes me so happy that there are people who actually enjoy this story (and my writing hehe). Until next time! :)


	8. The First Day

You didn’t sleep at all throughout the night. You couldn’t trust anyone here in the Sanctuary, that included Negan. You enjoyed the conversation you had with him last night, but you tried to force yourself to not develop feelings for him. It was already bad enough that you developed feelings for Rick.

Your eyes remain on the ceiling for a good portion of the night, allowing the thoughts of Negan, of Rick, of Denny, and how this world still seemed surreal to enter your mind.

But, the minute you hear a knock at your door, you knew it was Negan. You had gotten dressed and ready for the day too early and spent the rest of your morning finishing _Romeo and Juliet_ – oh, how you wished Denny was here so you two could talk about it.

You were excited for your new job here in the Sanctuary. There weren’t half as many kids at Alexandria as there were here, so it would be a challenge that you couldn’t wait to tackle.

You didn’t make it to the door before Negan swings it open, grinning at you. He was dressed in his usual attire: leather jacket, black worn pants, boots… The red scarf was missing, but it didn’t matter. He still looked incredibly _hot_.

 _Damn it, no. Stop thinking about how good he looks_.

He had Lucille in his hand, as usual, before he struts inside, shutting the door behind him. Negan takes a seat at the edge of your bed and smirks, watching you carefully.

“Why knock when you’re going to come in anyway?” You ask, narrowing your eyes.

“Well, fuck, doll. Good morning to you too.” He lets Lucille rest against your bed, moving back on your tiny bed to lie back. Negan grins, bringing his hands behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling.

You cross your arms over your chest, sighing to yourself before walking to slip on a flannel over your shirt. It never hurt to wear an extra layer.

“I think you’re going to be the hottest teacher these fucking kids will ever lay their eyes on. I know for sure that I would have loved to have you as my teacher.” Negan smirks, lifting his head only slightly to watch as your arms go through slot of the sleeves. He sees the back of your shirt lift up to reveal the small dimples at your lower back before it was covered by the fabric of your flannel.

When you turn around, you see him still lying down on your bed. It was a funny sight to behold. He was a tall man and his feet were dangling off the end of the bed – it was kind of adorable.

Shaking your head of those thoughts, you walk over to him and give his side a poke when you take notice that his eyes had fallen shut.

“You’re not sleeping in here. Besides, the day just started. Don’t have you some shit to do or something?” You tell him, waiting for him to stand up. You figure he came in here to escort you to your first day on the job.

“What can I say, doll? I’m fucking comfortable. Maybe it’s your presence,” he winks. Swinging his legs off the bed, Negan stands, looking down at you.

“Now, the kids here are all of different age ranges like I told you last night. We are splitting them up according to their age. Each class with a student is two hours. A few of my men are going on a supply run tomorrow and I told them to keep a lookout for some supplies, so you’ll just have to make do with what you got.” Negan begins, opening the door for you to step out.

You look over at him, arching your brow. You didn’t expect him to be a gentleman and hold doors for women.

“Sounds good. How old are the youngest group of kids?”

“Seven, but today we’re putting all twenty kids in the room with you so you can assess their knowledge or whatever. If the kid’s smarter than their age, then you bump them the fuck up. It’s like how it’d be in an actual school.”

“You know a lot about the education system, Negan.” You tell him, the curiosity clear in your voice. It made you wonder what he did before the apocalypse, but you couldn’t imagine him being a teacher.

Negan keeps his eyes straight, his smile still resting on his face as you try to keep up with him and his long strides – darn you for being short.

“It’s common sense, doll.”

You decide to leave the matter alone, following him down to the kitchen where people were lining up to get food. It must have been breakfast. Negan instantly walks past the line to the front of it, retrieving two plates for himself and for you.

“Let’s eat some breakfast, first.”

You instantly mutter a few apologies to the families that were waiting. It didn’t seem fair for Negan to just cut those who were waiting, but you didn’t have a right to say anything. He was the leader and you were aware it came with a few perks.

Negan leads you to the table surrounded by his men and you shyly take a seat next to him, glancing over at Negan who nods towards his men. You feel a few eyes on you and turn to look at the man sitting next to you.

He was grinning with the moustache in perfect sight.

“Quit staring at her, Simon. You’re freaking her the fuck out.” Negan says, beginning to dig into his food.

“I know you said she was cute, boss, but cute is a damn understatement. I’m Simon, gorgeous.” Simon says, his smile still resting on his face. Damn, did everyone love to smile around here? Though, you look around to see the rest of his men with their heads down, focusing solely on their meal.

“This is my right-hand man, doll. Go on and say hello.” Negan nudges you. You turn your attention to him, narrowing your eyes.

“Hi…”

Simon laughs, shaking his head as he turns to his food. His hair was receding and his moustache… Damn, it looked like a pornstache and you had to wonder why he decided to keep that thing.

You look down at the food. Scrambled eggs and vegetables. It wasn’t much, but you figure it was enough to fill you up before lunch came around.

“You gonna fucking eat or what, doll? You’re going to be working with kids all day today. You’re going to need all the energy you can fucking get.” Negan says.

You sigh, picking up your fork and taking a bite of the eggs. Negan was watching you. Watching how your tongue seemed to subtly jut out once you bring the fork to your lips. You always had the habit of eating tongue first and your family, even Denny, had teased you about.

You look over at Negan, sending him a threatening look in his direction.

“You better look elsewhere, Negan,” you tell him. Suddenly, you clear your throat. He had told you that you were not to backtalk or undermine his authority in front of his people and here you were, doing it in front of his _men_. The same men who go out on supply runs for _this_ community, for _Negan_.

Though, you feel yourself relax just a bit when he smirks.

“Just admiring the way you use that mouth, doll. Wonder what else you can do with it.”

Simon must have overheard because you hear him let out a chuckle. Instantly, you send him a threatening glare in which he only responds with a grin of amusement.

“She’s a feisty one, boss,” Simon tells Negan.

“She sure fucking is. I like it, though. I always love a damn challenge,” he responds.

You take a deep breath, picking up your plate and standing from your seat. Both men look up at you with arched brows and confusion in their features.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not fucking right here. You two enjoy your breakfast and your gossip.” You roll your eyes, walking away from the table to sit at another. You spot an opening at the end of a nearby table. You set your plate down, finally relieved to be away from Negan and that Simon.

You sigh, beginning to eat in peace. You could feel eyes on you, judging you, wondering who you were. Though, you enjoyed eating alone. It kept you in your thoughts and it allowed you to reminisce on old memories.

Once you finish your food, you look up to see Negan talking with his men. It was a bit odd to see him talk without hearing him yell. Though, from the lack of smile on his face, you knew that he still had to send the message to everyone at the table that he was still in charge.

You stand up, walking to the kitchen to set your dirty plate aside before offering the older man help. When he smiles and nods, you grin, stepping into the kitchen to help him with the dishes. There were about five people in the kitchen, still handing out food while some were prepping for today’s lunch.

You were always willing to help and you just hoped that it wouldn’t go unnoticed. Once you finish washing enough dishes before the older man shooed you away with a polite smile, you nod in his direction.

“I’ll be here every morning, Joe. I’ll be happy to help you with the dishes,” you smile, leaving the area to walk back outside. Instantly, Negan looks up at you and grins, motioning for you to walk to the table.

It was only him, Simon, and Dwight sitting and you had to wonder if the rest of the men had other things to do, why didn’t the rest of these guys have something to do?

You walk to the table. Dwight keeps his eyes away from you, but Simon grins in your direction. Complete opposites.

“What?” You ask Negan.

“I’m going to escort you to the damn classroom, that’s what.” Negan stands, nodding both at Simon and Dwight.

You look over at the blonde-haired man, taking note of his burnt face before you make eye contact with him. It was a shame, really. If he didn’t look so rugged, you would have thought he was a bit handsome.

Negan takes note of you staring at Dwight, narrowing his eyes. He didn’t need to feel jealous with Simon staring at you because he was aware that Simon knew the rules. Dwight didn’t.

“I’m fucking talking to you, doll. You don’t look at Dwight. I’m right fucking here.”

You slowly move your eyes to Negan, tightening your jaw. You didn’t want to fight with him this morning and you certainly didn’t want him to know that you still couldn’t grasp his rules. So, instead, you give him a curt nod.

“Sorry. Just thinking that I should owe him an apology for punching him the other day…” You tell Negan.

Negan laughs, tossing Lucille over his shoulder.

“Oh, right. Well, then go ahead and fucking apologize.”

You see him look up at you, his expression blank, though you could see he didn’t like it here. You keep your distance and bite your lower lip, moving a hand to your back pocket.

“I’m sorry for punching you. Self-defense and all that.”

Dwight simply nods, glancing over at Negan before he stands up.

“I’m going to check on Frank and armory. See if there’s much help I can do there,” Dwight tells Negan, walking out of the kitchen and down the hall.

You bite the inside of your cheek, turning to look up at Negan. He looked so much different without the facial hair, but you could see that it was slowly growing back. It was evident with the short stubble beginning to take its place on his skin.

“Alright, let’s fucking go. Kids are waiting.”

Negan leads you out of the kitchen after Simon nods at the both of you. You follow excitedly behind Negan, bringing your hands to lace in front of you. You were a bit nervous, but overall excited. You were an English teacher in high school, but you knew that you wouldn’t be teaching the kids the most difficult of math or doing science projects.

Once at the classroom, you see about twenty kids sitting on the floor. When they spotted Negan, their smiles immediately turn into frowns and you had to sigh to yourself. Hopefully you could reassure these kids that Negan wasn’t as scary as they thought he was.

“Alright, kids, listen the fuck up! Since your parents, your sister, brother, uncle, aunt, or whoever the fuck is watching after you, is working most of the day, you will be coming here. To. Fucking. Learn. Class is in mother _fucking_ session.”

You look at the front row of kids and indeed, they looked to be about seven to eight, give or take. Instantly, you look up at Negan and shake your head.

You lean up on your toes to whisper into his ear, “Stop with the cursing, Negan. You’ve already scared these kids enough.”

Negan pulls back to look down at you, narrowing his eyes in a way that you could only notice. “Do not undermine my fucking authority. I will talk to them the way I want to fucking talk to them.”

Turning back to the group of kids, Negan leans against the small desk.

“Doll, here, will test you to see where you will all be placed. Each class session will be two hours long. You will be split up into age groups depending on your intelligence and how old you are. Do I make myself clear?”

The class reply in unison, “Yes, Negan.”

“Great! I’ll have her explain her rules for this classroom. Once you step inside this room, she is the one in charge! And what do I always say about rules?”

Once more, the class responds. “Rules matter.”

Negan grins; he loved when people listened to him and apparently, these kids knew better than a few people here in this compound.

Negan then picks up Lucille and looks over at you, grinning to himself. Damn those dimples.

“Alright, doll. They’re all yours. I’ll see you tonight.” Negan smirks, catching you by surprise when he kisses your cheek. Once he pulls away, however, you could tell he realized what he did from the shocked expression on his face.

You narrow your eyes, nodding.

“Yes you will see me tonight. We’re going to have a lot to talk about.”

Negan narrows his eyes – he felt like he was being scolded. He nods in your direction, leaving the classroom and shutting the door.

Turning to the kids, you see their faces relax just a bit before you offer them all a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay. The big, bad wolf won’t get you once you’re in here. I promise,” you tell the kids which they reply with a few giggles and smiles.

It felt good to see such happiness in these kids, especially in a shitty world they were living in.

“Alright, like Negan said, I’ll be giving you all placement tests for you to take. I’m going to pass out the tests and I want you to write your name and your age at the top corner, okay? Don’t feel like you have to rush through this. This isn’t graded, because come on… In a world like this? Who cares about grades.”

A few of the older kids grin and you flash them a polite smile. Maybe that was the only good thing about this world – grades didn’t determine your future. Your survival instincts did.

“If you finish before lunchtime, great. You’re free to go once you’ve completed the test. Tomorrow, I’ll be giving you all the schedules for you all to come in. Each session is two hours, as you know, but if you need more than that, then you are all welcome to stay.”

You see the kids nod and you hand them the slip of paper that you managed to make the night before. You were lucky that you found an old notebook on your bookshelf or else this test wouldn’t have been possible. You glance at your desk to see just the right amount of pencils, albeit in all different sizes.

Setting the paper and pencil in their lap, the kids begin to write their names and age just like you asked.

Oh man, it felt good to teach again.

When the last kid finished the test, you give her a polite smile and a quiet thank you. It wasn’t even near lunchtime and yet, you had a lot of time to kill.

You sit at your desk with the stack of papers in front of you as you begin to read through the tests and answers with a marker that Negan provided for you.

You were halfway through the pile before you look up to see Negan stepping inside. He grins at the sight of you, shutting the door quietly behind him.

“You look extremely fucking hot, if I must say so myself, doll. I think I’ve got the hots for the fucking teacher,” he walks towards you, Lucille hanging at his side as usual.

“What do you want, Negan? I’m trying to work here.” You drop your eyes to the paper in front of you, reading each answer thoroughly.

“I can see that. I sure fucking do.” Negan realizes that your flannel had been removed, draped over the chair that you were currently sitting on. He couldn’t help but look at the low cut of your white shirt. Oh, how he was willing to throw water at you…

He smirks to himself, walking towards you and resting Lucille on the small desk.

“I saw the little shitheads running outside so I figured I’d come in and pay you a visit.”

“Can you tone down on the damn curse words, Negan? They’re children, okay? Despite how the world is now, they are children. And the youngest is a seven-year old girl, so calm down. You don’t have to scare anyone once you’re inside this classroom,” you tell him.

You decide to stop looking over the paper in front of you because you were Negan would distract you. So, instead, you stand up, walking to stand in front of him and this time, you take control by stepping into _his_ personal space.

Negan watches you carefully and when he realizes how close you were, he felt the sudden urge to kiss you, just like he did earlier that morning. It was odd. Usually he had a lid on his feelings, but with you, it was different. He couldn’t explain it and he was positive that he didn’t want to either.

“In this classroom, in these walls, _I_ am in charge. Not you. _Me_. If you step foot into this classroom and there are children present, I better not hear a fucking curse word escape those lips of yours, Negan. They are what’s left of what’s pure in this world, okay? They’ve seen too much at that young of an age and I am going to my damn best to prevent them from seeing anything else once they’re in here,” you tell him.

It was odd how the roles were reversed. You knew you shouldn’t talk to Negan that way, but he needed to learn that once he was in your classroom, he was going to abide by your rules.

“Careful, doll. Careful how you’re talking to me.”

“Not so fun being on the receiving end, is it, Negan?” You challenge him, stepping up to him until the front of your bodies press against one another.

In an animalistic growl, Negan grabs your hips to pull towards him, your body flush against his. He moves so that your back hits the edge of your desk and you groan slightly in pain, but what was worse was that you were trapped between your desk and his body.

“You’re so fucking lucky that I like you, doll. One of these days, your luck will fucking run out.” He threatens, moving his hands from your hips to the edge of the desk.

“I don’t care. I’m not afraid to die and I’m certainly not afraid of _you_. I want this to work, believe me, I really do, but I will speak my mind until the day that I die because that’s just who I am.”

Negan remains silent, his eyes drifting from your own to your lips.

You wonder how his lips felt like against yours. From the kiss on your cheek, you could tell that his lips were soft, warm, and inviting.

 _Damn it. Stop it_. _He’s your leader. Don’t fucking fall for him._

Negan was a bit surprised to hear that you genuinely wanted this to work, especially after what happened with Rick and him killing two of your friends. Somehow, deep down, the anger dissipated only because you knew that it was bound to happen. Rick and the rest of your former group killed his men in cold blood. That didn’t make you any better than the Saviors.

“You want this to work? I’m not fucking buying it, doll. I killed your friends. You should be plotting ways to kill me,” he smirks.

You sigh. You feel his body heat radiate against yours and you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy how close you two were.

“I did that already. I failed. I’m here because I chose to be, remember? Regardless, you were going to bring me here anyway, but I decided to let it happen. I willingly went with you. For what reason? I can’t explain that yet. All I ask is that once in this classroom, you follow my rules. I don’t want you cursing in front of the children. That’s all I’m asking. It’s not like I’m asking you to betray the entire community. You’ve instilled enough fear in these kids, Negan.”

Slowly, you bring your hands to his chest, letting your fingertips feel the leather underneath your soft touch. He leans into you, furrowing a brow. Maybe you were finally giving in, he thought.

Instantly, you push him away and keep a reasonable distance between the two of you. If he had wives, there was no way you would stoop down so low to sleep with him or even get involved.

“And the kiss earlier? Not acceptable.”

Negan narrows his eyes, looking down at you. He wasn’t expecting to be pushed away.

“Just figured I’d give you a little sneak peek,” Negan smirks, putting up his usual façade of bad boy, ruthless leader.

“Yeah, well, I’d prefer it if it wasn’t in front of the kids or in my classroom, Negan.”

“Oh, so you’re saying if it were anywhere else, you would have let it happen?”

You roll your eyes. “You are ridiculous, Negan. You’ve got five other wives. Stop trying to get with me.”

Negan walks over to you, picking Lucille up and letting his lips rest against your ear. His heavy breathing and his deep voice made your insides tingle and you just hoped that you didn’t make it obvious. You didn’t need him to know that he was doing things to you, things that were highly inappropriate.

“I’ll see you tonight, doll. I’ll make sure the door is locked this time around. No interruptions,” he whispers.

_Fuck. That voice._

You clear your throat, pulling back to see him with that stupid smirk on his face and those stupid dimples.

Without allowing you to respond, he begins whistling, turning on his heel and leaving you to your work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so italics will now represent the reader-insert's thoughts! I'll be adding more of that in future chapters -- I'm sure it'll be interesting to see how her mind works. Also, I'm contemplating on doing a Negan POV in upcoming chapters. What do you guys think? Yay or nay? 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! :)


	9. A Big Mistake

For once, you actually felt like you could make a living for yourself here. Though, you couldn’t help but let guilt settle at the thought of enjoying Negan’s presence. He had given you a job that you knew you would love – it was proven on the first day. Rick and the rest of your former group would call you a traitor for actually liking the Sanctuary and the people within these walls.

As you finish the stack of papers, you separate them into groups. You decide to group the seven to nine year olds together leading a total of three students in that age group. The second group of kids, ages ten to twelve had six students total. Ages thirteen and up was your biggest class. It had eleven students and you decided to prolong the class to three hours instead of two.

Once you finish grouping the kids, you set the paper in the drawer of the desk before leaving the classroom. Lunch was dying down and you just hoped they had leftovers. At the cafeteria, you ask one of the kitchen staff if they had any food leftover, even if it wasn’t much.

“Sorry, no can do. Should’ve been here sooner. We’re already prepping for dinner. I’m sorry.”

You nod in understanding, turning on your heel to head to your bedroom. That was your fault. You were too focused on your work to even realize what time it was. Once in your room, you instantly lie in your bed after removing your boots.

You wondered how Rick was, how Judith was, how Carl was, how everyone was holding up… You knew you shouldn’t have liked it here, but you couldn’t help how well you were being treated. You had to wonder if it was because Negan took a liking to you. Regardless, you were grateful, despite the guilt.

You shut your eyes, promising yourself that you were simply just resting your eyes. Though, the resting soon turn into a full-on nap. You didn’t mean to waste the entire day by sleeping. You wake up at the sound of a loud knock, whistling coming from behind your closed door.

When you look up to see darkness from your windows, you immediately jump up.

_Holy shit. I really just slept for the latter half of the day._

You open the door, looking up at Negan to see him holding two trays of food and a large grin on his face.

“Dinner at _your_ place now, doll. Why the fuck does it look like you just woke up?” Negan asks, stepping into your room without an invitation. He sets the tray onto the counter along the wall, letting Lucille rest near the door.

“Because I just did. Can you just leave my food here and I’ll eat alone? I haven’t taken a shower yet. I was just resting my eyes. I didn’t realize it was already nighttime.” You don’t bother to spare Negan another glance as you walk to your clothes. Pulling out your underwear, you hide it by wrapping a large shirt around it. You usually liked to sleep with just your panties and an oversized shirt – it was comfortable.

Negan narrows his eyes at you, tilting his head.

“I can fucking wait. Just don’t take too long.” He responds, falling back onto your bed and grinning in your direction. “Well, doll? Go ahead and fucking shower.”

Sighing, you walk into the connected bathroom and shut the door. You let the water run once you turn it on, allowing it to heat up. Once you removed the rest of your clothing, you let the warm water hit your tense muscles, relaxing your knots instantly. You groan quietly, bringing your hands to your hair to stroke it back away from your face.

Negan had a rule about taking long showers – no one were to go over ten minutes. It was a generous thought. Not many people needed to shower more than the allotted time anyway.

Once you finish your shower, you dry your entire body, wrapping your towel around your short hair to let it dry. You slip on the underwear, looking at yourself in the mirror. You weren’t as fit as you were before the apocalypse, but you hope that it would change soon.

_Maybe I can take up yoga again. That’d be fun. I’d need some meditation after I deal with Negan. The man gives me a fucking headache sometimes._

You pull on the large shirt over your body, covering your bare chest. The shirt reached just above your mid-thighs, but if you were to bend down or raise your arms, anyone would be able to see what color your underwear was.

You peek your head out, seeing Negan with his eyes shut.

_Maybe he’s sleeping._

Taking a deep breath, you quietly walk to your clothes, rummaging through shorts to pull on before the man in your bed could wake up.

“Well, doll, what a fucking sight to behold,” Negan says.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Turning around, you look up to see him with a primal look in his eyes, the smirk evident on his lips. His eyes immediately rake over your body, your erect nipples peeking through the fabric of the shirt and your legs. It was definitely exposed for all of him to see.

“Oh, shut up. I’m putting some shorts on.” You pull on the black shorts, not that it helped much. You remove the towel from your hair, running your fingers through your dampened locks.

Negan was still staring as if he had never seen a woman before. It was odd. He walks to you, taking the towel from your hands, letting his eyes rake over you.

“You can pull off a damn big t-shirt, doll.”

His eyes move to your chest and you look down at yourself, biting your lower lip when you finally noticed what he was staring at.

“You perv. It’s cold, okay? Stop looking.” You tell him.

He laughs, looking into your eyes. “My hands are pretty fucking warm if you want me to help you with that.”

“No chance in hell.”

Negan takes a step back, tossing your towel onto your bed before he retrieves the tray of food.

“We’re eating in my room. Come on,” Negan says, grabbing Lucille with his free hand after he opens your door.

“But I thought – ”

“We’re not eating on the damn floor, doll. At least I’ve got two couches back in my room. I told you it’d be locked. No fucking interruptions tonight. I’m a man of my fucking word. I thought we made that clear.”

You follow Negan out of your room and down the hall into his own. Stepping inside, Negan hands you the tray before he locks his door just like he said he would. You walk to the coffee table, setting the tray down before taking a seat. You cross your leg before picking up your own plate.

You missed lunch and you were definitely feeling the hunger in the pit of your stomach. You begin eating, not bothering to wait for Negan who removed his leather jacket and black leather gloves.

It was kind of comforting to know that maybe he was beginning to trust you.

“Not even going to wait for me? That’s some fucked up shit, doll.” Negan says, sitting across from you and retrieving his own plate of food. He begins eating, though, keeps his eyes focused on you.

“You took too long. I’m not really a patient person.”

“Says the fucking teacher.” Negan quips back, causing you to glance over at him before moving your eyes back out to the window.

“Why do you always look out there? There’s nothing to fucking see. You look outside and you see the dead walking.”

You turn to him, biting your lower lip. Once you finish your food, you stand up and walk out of his room after unlocking it. You wanted to look over your shoulder to see the look on his face, but from the sound of his boots following closely behind you, you knew he didn’t like the fact that you just up and left.

He catches you slipping on a jacket, furrowing a brow.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Negan asks, watching as you pull on your boots.

“Grab Lucille and your jacket.” You tell him, not bothering to wait for him. You figure if you just continued to leave, he would follow without hesitation. And you were right. You hear him shuffling from behind you. When you turn around, you see his leather jacket unzipped and Lucille at his side.

“Okay, first of all, you don’t fucking walk away from me. Do I make myself clear?” Negan says, grabbing your arm to stop you from walking once you both descend the stairs.

“Calm down. Just follow me.”

You snatch your arm from his grasp, walking outside of the compound and to the garden that they were growing. It was the first thing that caught your eye when you were brought here.

“What the fuck are we doing here?” Negan asks, highly irritated with you at the moment.

You don’t respond, but instead, you simply point to his garden. You could tell that he was trying to grow some fruits and vegetables, but that was beside the point. You look off to the side to see a few roses still in its process to bloom, but the color of it was enough to prove that there was still beauty in this ugly world.

“Just take that stick out of your ass and look around you, Negan.” You tell him hesitantly, running your fingertips across the closed flower.

“I just see a bunch of plants and shit that we’re trying to go. What’s so special about this?”

You sigh. He wasn’t getting the message.

“Kids in this compound come to the garden. They play near the garden. Do you know why? Because it reminds them that there is still life in this world. One of the questions I asked the kids on that test was what they liked about this place, about this place that _you_ built for them.”

Negan was listening, looking intently down at you in the darkness. He could make out the slight color of the flowers, walking towards you and biting his lower lip.

Roses… It reminded him of Lucille and the flowers he got for her at the hospital, but also when they were first starting to date.

“What are you getting at, doll?”

“You provide them security, Negan. You provide everyone in this compound security, despite your shitty rules. Anyway, those kids… Mostly all of them wrote that the garden was what they liked most. And I had to wonder why. Why would a child want to be outside rather than stay safely inside these walls?”

Negan couldn’t keep his eyes off the flower, memories of his old life flashing in his mind. What was this woman doing to him?

“I don’t fucking know. Why would they?” He asks.

“They look at these flowers, they look at what you’re growing and it reminds them of the old world. Now what you said earlier and your question as to why I keep looking outside is because I refuse to be one of the people who think that this world is nothing but death,” you drop your eyes, looking down at your boots.

_Great. Now he’s going to punish you for this shit. Way to go. Way to fucking go._

The silence between the two of you simply thickened the tension. Just as you were about to apologize, he pulls you against him, instantly crashing his lips against yours.

You wanted to pull away, push him away and ask him what the hell he was thinking, but for some reason, you couldn’t. While you didn’t push him away, you didn’t kiss back either and it was difficult not to reciprocate either.

The feel of his lips against yours, the softness of it and the accompanying prickly sensation of his tiny stubble scratching at your skin… It was enough for you to get weak in the knees, so it was a good thing he was holding you up by wrapping an arm around your waist.

When he pulls away, Negan looks down at you. You were expecting to see a triumphant smirk, but you were thoroughly surprised to see that he looked like he was questioning what he just did.

“Rick’s a fucking dumbass for letting you go.” Negan quietly says, keeping himself closer to you. You couldn’t talk, you couldn’t move. You simply keep your eyes glued onto his. Where was the man that your people were afraid of? Where was the brutal man who showed no mercy?

_Fuck. Shit. Fuck. He’s too close, but damn it, I don’t want to move away. He smells so good and his lips… God, his lips. It was nothing like kissing Rick… Nope. Don’t compare to Rick. Stop. Just step back now and everything will be okay…_

You close your eyes, taking a step away from him. You instantly missed the closeness though.

“Why did – What are you doing?”

Negan clears his throat.

“I don’t fucking know. I thought we were having a moment. Sorry.” Negan shakes his head, walking away from you and back into the compound.

He couldn’t believe he kissed you. He couldn’t even kiss his wives and here he was, pressing his lips against yours as if it was something he was used to do doing.

He hadn’t kissed anyone since…

Since…

 _Lucille_.

Taking a deep breath, you run after him. Once you catch up to him, Negan looks down at you, not bothering to slow down his strides which simply irritated you.

“Damn it, stop.” You tell him, grabbing his arm. Once you reach the floor of both your rooms, you look up at him.

_Why did he look guilty? Why did he look like kissing wasn’t natural, despite it being a spur of a moment type of thing? Fuck. He’s staring at me._

“You better get to your fucking room. We shouldn’t have even been outside in the first goddamn place.” Negan tells you. You see that he was now building a wall around himself, putting up his usual “merciless leader” façade.

“Don’t you think _I_ should be the one that’s angry? Not you? You kissed me, okay?! I’m just as shocked as you are!”

You size yourself up, staring at him with the same amount of irritation.

“You’re the fucking enemy. You were just some pussy that I wanted. That’s all you’ll ever be to me. Tomorrow, clean your shit out of your room. I’m moving you to a different floor. This floor… It’s reserved for my _wives_ and for myself. No one else.”

His words stung and you didn’t know why.

A few of his wives step out of their room to see what the commotion was about. When Amber spots the both of you, she had to simply narrow her eyes. Oh, she was definitely going to plot against you.

You laugh, tightening your jaw.

“You know what, I’ll happily fucking do that, Negan.”

You begin walking away, trying to cover up the tears that were clouding at your eyes. When he notices that his wives were watching, he smirks, making it his mission to further embarrass you.

“How does it fucking feel to be rejected by another man, doll? It doesn’t feel too good, does it?”

You turn around, wiping your eyes when you feel a tear slip through your fingers and down your cheek. Negan takes notice of it and instantly feels a pang of guilt at the sight of your tears. He was the cause of your pain and he immediately regretted the words he just said when he heard a few giggles from his wives.

“Fuck you, Negan. I wasn’t the one who kissed the other person, was I?”

You look up to see his wives with slightly shocked faces, especially Amber’s. That’s when it clicked. He probably had a rule about no lip-to-lip kissing with his wives.

“You kissed her?” Amber says, stepping out of her room with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Get the fuck into your room. All of you!” Negan orders and all women hurry inside, including Amber but not without a glare in your direction.

You walk into your room, beginning to pack your clothes before you change into a pair of jeans and slip on a bra. You set your photograph safely inside your bag before curling up on the chair. You hug your bag close to your chest, shutting your eyes tightly.

You shouldn’t have gotten so comfortable in a place that caused you and your old group so much trouble.

_Why the fuck am I crying? It’s not like I liked the guy. Did I? Shit, no. I couldn’t. He killed Glenn and Abraham. I’d be crazy to fucking want him. But I can’t explain why I’m crying. I can’t explain why I wanted him to kiss me again. Damn it._

Suddenly, Negan storms into your room and looks at you with clear anger in his features. He turns the lamp on to look at you – it reminded him of the morning he and Rick found you in a fetal position in the bathroom.

“Get out,” you tell him, wiping your eyes.

“This room fucking belongs to me, doll. With that being said, I can be here whenever I fucking please.”

You tighten your jaw, looking away from him.

“Don’t talk to me anymore, Negan. I’m working for points from now on. You broke me. Good fucking job. Now get the hell out of this room.”

Negan wanted to apologize, wanted to wipe away your tears, but he couldn’t. He crossed a line that he was sure he couldn’t come back from.

“You’re going to wish you were dead, doll. Working for points will be your fucking worst nightmare, trust me.” Negan stands, beginning to walk out of your room before he hears your last words.

“I don’t trust you. I never will.”

He narrows his eyes, slamming your door shut and walking to his bedroom. He needed to alleviate his anger and the only answer were his wives.

You stand up, pulling a flannel over your jacket. You were going to leave this place and if it meant that you would die trying, then so be it. It was better than living in Negan’s presence.

Suddenly, you hear moans echoing the walls. This was the perfect time to leave. You shut your eyes, pulling the hood over your head and quietly descending each floor. Once you step outside, you tighten the straps of your bag and notice that the men who were keeping watch had fallen asleep.

_Dumbasses._

You notice a hole in the fence that maintenance must have missed before climbing through it, pushing off the walkers with your forearms. Once you were outside the fences, you begin running. Your figure was merely a shadow that one could mistake for a walker. As you enter the woods, you breathe a sigh of relief and continue running.

By morning, you would be far from the Sanctuary as possible. You hadn’t packed any food and you certainly didn’t have a weapon, so hopefully you could find an empty house of some sort that you could scavenge.

As you continue running, you feel the most free in a such a limited world.

Nothing was going to stop you without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this wasn't the way that I wanted to end this chapter. I had a totally different idea in mind, but you know..... This sounds much more interesting than what I originally planned. Next chapter, though, it's going to be Negan's POV, so I'm sure that'll be fun :) 
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone! Do any of you have any New Years Resolutions?


	10. I'll Find You

_Negan’s POV_

Fuck. What was I thinking? How could I have kissed her? How could I have kissed another woman after…

After…

 _Lucille_.

Your words stung. The look on you face was supposed to satisfy me, but it didn’t. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for hurting you, just how I hurt…

 _Lucille_.

You wouldn’t look at me, not even after barging into you room. You were curled up, just how you were that morning in the bathroom. I wanted to scoop you up into my arms and apologize, but I knew I couldn’t. I had already crossed a damn line in the garden that night.

Fuck. Why did you have to bring me outside? Why did you have to see the good in such a terrible world?

I left your room. I couldn’t bear to see you so hurt because of _me_. Usually, I wouldn’t care, but it was different. _You_ were different. You reminded me so much of…

…

 _Lucille_.

Your strong will, the bravery and courage, how you wouldn’t take shit from anyone… You weren’t afraid of me and while it was bad for the reputation I was trying to uphold, it made me feel a bit more _human_.

I killed your friends and yet, you still chose me. You still decided that you would make a living in my Sanctuary.

I needed to release my anger somehow. Amber would be the perfect candidate to help with that. I still needed to send the message that she was _mine_ and until that message sunk in, I was going to show her that she fucking _belonged_ to me.

I walk into Amber’s room. She was curled up in her bed. I knew she was still awake and I also knew that she was aware that I kissed a woman that wasn’t one of my wives.

“Negan…” Amber says, tossing her blanket aside.

I feel myself getting hard to see that she had stripped herself from her clothes. She was hot, but she didn’t compare to you. For now, though, Amber would do.

I was determined to make her scream, to make this bed rock hard against the wall so that you could hear the amount of pleasure that I was giving Amber.

Amber felt good, but she wasn’t the person I wanted. The blonde tried kissing me… Tried putting her lips against mine. I slam into her before completely pulling out. It was enough for me to relax just a bit, but it didn’t help that I had yelled out your name.

And oh did Amber take notice.

“Thank you, Amber. And whose pussy does that fucking belong to?” I ask her, buckling my pants and climbing off the bed.

“Y – Yours, Negan… I belong to you.”

“Good. Let’s fucking remind ourselves of that.”

I leave her room without another thought. When I walk down the hallway to my room, I couldn’t help but glance at your door. I wanted to walk in and apologize, but doing so after making one of my wives scream in pleasure didn’t seem right.

How could I fucking have yelled your name out loud in the midst of fucking my wife?

Damn it. I needed to get a lid on my feelings.

I walk into my bedroom, glancing at the trays of food at the coffee table. I could feel my anger and blood boiling again. There was no way that I would get a sufficient amount of sleep tonight, especially not after the shit I said to you.

I didn’t mean any of it. I was just angry. I didn’t want you to go to another floor. I didn’t want to hurt you, to embarrass you in front of my wives…

Fuck. I didn’t mean any of it.

As I was getting ready for bed, Simon’s voice was heard over the walkie talkie. Damn it. I couldn’t get any silence here. None of these fuckers knew how to be responsible for themselves. How difficult was it to just do their damn job?

“What, Simon? Do you fucking realize how late it is?” I say through the walkie.

“I know, boss. I know. We’ve got a code red down here. The two fuckers on watch fell asleep, but the people at maintenance fucked up. There’s a hole in the fence and from the looks of it, someone must have escaped.”

I pull on my leather jacket and take Lucille. I didn’t really want to do this shit so late at night, but this fucker who escaped needed to learn their lesson.

“And boss? It seems like the person who escaped either was a child or a woman. The footprints are to small that of to be a man.”

_No. No. No._

I walk out of my room. My heart is beating out of my chest. If I found your room empty, shit was surely going to go down.

I swing your door open, glancing around the empty room.

“Fuck.” I tell myself. Your room was clean of your clothes and your bag was missing. You were definitely the one who escaped.

I walk out of your room, descending the stairs of the compound to go outside to the front gates. The two fuckers who fell asleep were going to get a little beating for not doing their job. When I see Simon, that damn grin was plastered on his face, like always.

“Gather up a few men, Simon. I think I have a fucking idea who ran away. As for you two sorry shits, you’re both going to the cell. Tell D to bring these fuckers down there right now.”

Simon instantly follows my orders which is something that I am grateful for. He really was my right-hand man and when I tell him to do something, he does it with no questions asked or little to no hesitation whatsoever. It was great.

Soon enough, Dwight emerges from the darkness with two other men, grabbing the two fuckers away from my sight.

“We leave as soon as you gather the men, Simon. If we waste any more time, the girl is going to have a few steps ahead of us and we don’t fucking want that, do we?”

Simon tilts his head. I knew he had an idea of who left. When he walks over to me, I tighten my grasp around the end of Lucille.

“Hey, boss? It’s the teacher, huh? The Alexandrian?”

I didn’t want to acknowledge his question, but from the way he was staring at you, you knew he wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

“Yeah. We’re going to find her and when we do, I’ll be the one to talk to her. Do I make myself fucking clear? No one touches her. She’s _mine_ and I will handle this situation as I see fit.”

Simon doesn’t respond.

It sure was going to be difficult to find you, but fuck, I’m going to my damn best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! This chapter is solely based on Negan's POV. I tried my best... LOL. Happy New Year everyone!!! 
> 
> Things will get more heated in upcoming chapters! Get ready!!!


	11. Time to Recover

You continue running, obviously out of breath but you knew you couldn't stop. If you did, it would give Negan and his men a chance to catch up.

You needed to be three steps ahead of them.

You encounter a few walkers, but you wouldn't let it stop you from running. Nothing would stop you.

You spot a house, finally slowing down. You try to catch your breath, quietly walking inside. It was dark inside and you didn't have a flashlight, so hopefully there weren't any surprises.

You hear a few creaks from upstairs, sighing as you try to make your way to the kitchen. You just needed some sort of weapon and then you would continue running. You rummage through the drawers, feeling for any sharp ends for knives.

When you feel a knife knick against the pad of your thumb, you curse under your breath.

_Well, at least I've got a damn weapon._

You continue rummaging through the drawers, finding a flashlight and instantly turning the light on, testing to see if it worked. When it lit up, you smile. Hopefully there was a room that was clear for you to stay in for a few hours.

Deciding to remain downstairs, you walk down the hallway to find a bedroom. You take a deep breath and open the door.

_Phew. Empty._

You shut the door, locking it behind you. You look around and sigh. It must have been a guest bedroom of some sort.

You make sure the room is safe before deciding to fall back onto the full size bed, letting yourself relax. You hadn't stopped running for a good hour – it was amazing how anger and pain fueled your adrenaline rush.

You keep the knife underneath the pillow just in case anyone were to surprise you. When you feel yourself relax, you finally shut your eyes and allow yourself to rest, even for a brief hour or two.

You needed the rest and hopefully by morning came, you would be back on the road with some food in your system.

Hopefully.

Your hand remains loose around the handle of the knife as you feel yourself drift to a light slumber. It was time for you to be on your own again. If you survived before, you can survive again.

Negan had instructed Dwight to follow him in the morning. The more men that we're looking for you, the better chance of finding you would be more likely.

And Negan definitely wanted to find you.

A few hours pass before you wake up by a quiet creak from the living room. You clear your throat, standing from the bed quietly. The sun was beginning to rise and it was casting a bright ray of sunlight into the room you were in.

You pull your backpack on and stand near the side of the door, clutching the knife as you focus on your breathing.

"I don't think anyone's here, boss." You hear a man say. You close your eyes. Fuck. He had found you.

"Maybe or maybe not, but you fuckers screwed up so we're going to search this place. If she isn't here, then we move onto the next house we see. Do I make myself fucking clear?" Negan says.

_His voice. Fuck, he sounded angry. He sounded..._

_Worried._

You hear footsteps ascending the stairs and also approaching down the hallway. You quietly move into the closet, gasping when you see a walker come out. Instantly, you bring the knife to its skull, shutting your eyes. You drop the body, causing a loud thud.

"Shit..." You mumble to yourself.

The only way out was the door. You needed to think fast. When you see the window, you take a deep breath. There was no way he had more than five men with him.

Opening the window, you quietly climb out before your feet hit the ground. Instantly, you begin running, hearing a few gunshots coming your way as you try and dodge it to the best of your ability.

_You're not fucking Supergirl. You can't dodge bullets._

Suddenly, you feel a bullet lodge itself into your leg, causing you to fall. As you hit the ground, you grunt in pain when you notice that the knife you found had penetrated your thigh, right just above the bullet.

"I got her! Boss, I got her!" A man grins, running towards you.

You move to lie on your back, trying to apply pressure to both wounds and you feel tears cloud your eyes.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm in deep shit. Just let me die. Damn it. Just let me fucking die._

You shut your eyes, keeping your hands pressed against your wounds as the blood pulsates through the spaces of your fingers.

When you hear Negan's voice, you didn't want to open your eyes to look at him. You knew you would be in so much trouble, so hopefully he would just finish you off via Lucille.

"Doll... What the fuck were you thinking?" He crouches down, removing his scarf to wrap around your leg as a tourniquet and stop the bleeding.

"Get – Get the fuck away from me." You tell him quietly, feeling his arms wrap around you after Simon lets Dwight know that the situation was handled.

"Is that any fucking way to say thank you? I just saved your fucking life. Show some damn gratitude."

"Thank you?! Your man shot me! This – It's all your doing. I said get away from me!" You muster all your strength and push against his chest, causing you to fall roughly to the ground with a screech of pain.

Negan looks down at you without a hint of irritation. Instead, he couldn't help but feel more guilty. He couldn't let you leave.

"Doll, shit... Stop fighting me. You're hurt..."

You are caught by surprise at Negan's voice. The man who shot you couldn't help but grin to himself. He had finally done something right to impress Negan.

"That's because of you and your men..." You try to stand up, but he holds you down with one hand as the other grabs his gun.

_This is it. He's going to kill you now._

"You're right. It is because of my fucking men. Let me send a damn message." He lifts his gun, not bothering to stare at his target as he shoots the man directly through the head.

You immediately flinch at the sound, glancing to see the man fall on his back. He killed his man to send a message not only to his men but to you too.

"I'm sorry... I'm fucking sorry..." Negan whispers, making sure no one but you could hear his apology. "Now stop fucking fighting me. We have to bring you back to the compound or else you're going to lose more damn blood."

You stop fighting, but only because you were tired.

Tired of running. Tired of fighting. Tired of trying to fit into a community when you were better off alone.

_I'll run away again. As soon as I recover, I'm going to leave and this time, he won't find me. I can't let him._

Negan sets you in the truck, allowing you to lie down carefully as Simon sits at the driver's seat. Negan climbs in, carefully placing your leg onto his lap, keeping it extended to prevent pressure.

You finally lose consciousness, your head near Simon as you feel your legs on Negan's lap. He keeps his attention on your leg and not in a perverted way either. He was making sure that you were okay.

Simon glances over at Negan as they begin driving back to the Sanctuary.

"She got a bit far by foot. That's pretty damn impressive," Simon says, his attention on the road which wasn't needed. He didn't need to worry about traffic or whatnot.

"Still doesn't mean that what she fucking did was okay, Simon."

"You know, boss, you could fool everyone else, but you can't fool me," Simon hesitantly says.

Negan narrows his eyes, looking over at the other man. "Careful, Simon. I can still fucking bash your head in."

The man had the audacity to smile, even laugh. Negan, though, felt a bit more comfortable that he could be somewhat normal despite his usual façade. It was becoming difficult to hold up his entire merciless act and ever since you came into the picture, he was beginning to lose his edge.

And that did not sit well with him.

Once they approach the Sanctuary, Negan hoists you back into his arms, leading you to Dr. Carson. You knew that you lost a lot of blood, especially since you had fallen unconscious during the ride back to the Sanctuary.

It felt odd how comfortable and safe you felt in Negan's arms.

* * *

 

You slowly begin to wake up, hoping and wishing that what happened back in the woods was just a dream. However, when you flutter your eyes, you see yourself in an unknown room hooked up to an IV. Your eyes drop to your leg, taking note that it had been treated and covered with a bandage.

You instantly rip the IV from your arm, swinging your legs gently over the edge of the bed as you groan at the pain that shoots through your body. You find your bag at the chair nearby, instantly grabbing it to pull on a shirt and shorts. You look down at the bandage, gritting your teeth at the pain.

_I need to leave. Fuck, I can't even walk. Shit._

Once you were dressed and your boots were on, you quietly move to the door, slowly limping to turn the doorknob. Suddenly, Negan opens it and smirks down at you, his eyes slightly narrowed.

"Leaving so soon, darlin'? We've got a lot to talk about. Now, get back on that fucking bed. You shouldn't be putting any pressure on that damn leg of yours," Negan grins, stepping into the room which causes you to step back rather painfully on your leg.

"Fuck you... Ouch, shit." You grit your teeth in pain, staring up at him with an intense glare. His façade falters for a moment when he sees that you were in pain and instantly scoops you into his arms to place you back onto the bed.

"Doc, come in here and put the fucking IV back in her arm." He calls over his shoulder.

The same man with the white coat comes into the room, hurriedly walking to your side. He offers a sympathetic glance in your direction before gently placing the IV back into your arm.

The doctor leaves you and Negan alone once he finishes his job, shutting the door quietly behind him. Your eyes drift to Lucille who was resting against the wall, not bothering to spare Negan a glance.

"Now, I thought we were getting along just fucking fine, doll."

You tighten your jaw, keeping your eyes focused on your bandage.

"You have a funny way of showing it, Negan. Just feed me to the walkers. Make me work the fence," you tell him.

He laughs, shaking his head. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? I told you your job. You will fucking fulfill it. As for sleeping arrangements, you're with me until you prove to me that I can fucking trust you."

"I'm not sleeping in the same room as you. I don't fucking trust you either, okay? Give me a room on a different floor like you said you would."

Negan sighs, glancing over his shoulder at the door before taking a seat near your bed.

"Listen, what I said the other night –"

"Don't. We both know you can't fucking apologize with the amount of pride you have, so save your breath," you tell him.

Negan tightens his jaw, staring at you with guilt and anger. He still didn't like the way you spoke to him, but he knew you had every right to be upset.

"Well, you're going to fucking stay with me. That's final. The next time you escape, I will make sure my men shoot on sight. And doll?" Negan stands, leaning down near your face. His lips hover against yours, keeping his eyes focused solely on yours. "I'll make sure they don't fucking miss this time."

You tighten your jaw, turning your head away from his.

"I'd highly suggest not threatening me if you want to gain my trust and vice versa, Negan."

He pulls back, grinning down at you.

"I'll move your things into my bedroom. I'll also have Simon bring you some fucking food. Until then... I've got some fucking work to do."

You look up at him, curling your hands to fists.

"If I'm going to be staying in your room, I've got some rules that you need to follow."

Negan narrows his eyes, walking to the door to pick Lucille up.

"Do you really think you should be the one negotiating the fucking terms, doll? You did just try to escape and I don't fucking like when my people think they can just leave whenever they can motherfucking please."

"Then punish me, Negan."

_Fuck. That sounded so wrong. Shit. He's smirking at me._

"Don't threaten me with a good time, darlin'."

You narrow your eyes, "Oh please. You'll be the last person I'll ever sleep with."

"Oh? So you're saying that there's still a fucking chance. I'll hold you to that, doll."

"As long as I'm staying in your room, none of your wives better come in while I'm there. Also, we will not be sleeping in the same bed so you either take the couch or I will," you tell him, disregarding the previous conversation.

Negan arches a brow, his hand grasping the end of the bat.

"We'll fucking see, doll. I'm still trying to figure out how to punish you but I have a strong feeling that just staying with me will be enough punishment. Still, though, I've got to lead an example to my people. They know that I do not tolerate people who fucking escape. For now, get some fucking rest. Simon will be here to bring you your food. And don't even think about leaving. I would really hate to hurt you."

He begins walking towards the door, bringing Lucille to drape over his shoulder gently.

"You already did," you whisper, turning slightly to lie on your side with a grunt of pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!!! I hope you all had a safe and fun New Year's Eve! :)


	12. The Truth

You manage to fall asleep after Negan had left. Your life was becoming exhausting and you just wished that you kept your mouth shut when you were back in Alexandria. You wish Rick had a plan to save you, but you were losing hope that this was the only way to keep the people in Alexandria safe.

You wonder if Rick thought about the kiss. You didn’t have the chance to think much of it until now. Negan had been a distraction that everything since leaving Alexandria just moved _too_ fast. You had only been at the Sanctuary for a couple of days and yet, so much has happened.

You thought you would have lasted longer before deciding to escape. It was an uncomfortable feeling to know that Negan’s kiss was much better than the one you shared with Rick and you didn’t even kiss back.

While his words stung, it reminded you where you stood in this community. You were simply the _outsider_ , Negan’s _enemy_.

You needed to remind yourself of that and despite Negan’s want to trust you, you knew it was impossible for that to happen.

You could never trust anyone anymore. Not in this world.

Like clockwork, Simon walks into your room and notices that you were still asleep. He contemplated on waking you, but instead, he leaves a tray of food near the bed. The aroma of food would be enough to wake you up.

He leaves your room without hesitation, shutting the door to give you some peace and quiet because he was sure that once you were released from Dr. Carson’s care, peace and quiet would be long gone.

You grunt in pain, fluttering your eyes open. Your eyes follow the smell of food and take note of the tray near your bed.

_Must be Simon. He may be creepy, but he seems nice. Nope. Remember, you are the enemy… Damn it. I just want to feel safe again._

You slowly sit up, bringing the tray onto your good leg. Without hesitation, you begin eating the food that the kitchen staff prepped for that night.

Suddenly, Negan barges in to see you with your mouth full of food and the amused expression on his features was enough for you to turn pink at the cheeks. You swallow the contents in your mouth, reaching for the cup of water to wash down the food.

“Well, I sure do love a woman who can fucking eat.” Negan says, smirking in your direction. Dr. Carson enters the room behind him, walking to your bedside to check on your wound.

You quietly begin to eat, taking your time to savor the food rather than scarf it down like you just were a few moments ago. You wince slightly when Dr. Carson removes your bandages, revealing the two lines of stitches. You look over at him, biting your lower lip.

“T – Thank you… For taking care of me… Dr. Carson, right?” You say, trying to make conversation with the man in the white coat. His fear of Negan did not go unnoticed.

“Yes, Dr. Carson would be right. And it’s no problem. It’s my job after all. Though, as long as you make sure this doesn’t get infected and clean around the wound at least twice a day, you should be fine. Keep pressure off the leg and with that being said, I want you to be on bedrest for at least a week.”

Negan clears his throat, making his presence known once more.

“No can do, doc. She’s got a job too. So, either you give her crutches or she’s going to walk on that leg.”

You tighten your jaw, pushing the empty plate aside before downing the rest of your cup of water. You could tell that Dr. Carson wanted to argue, but you knew that he was aware of the consequence if he were to question Negan’s orders.

“We – We don’t have any crutches or wheelchairs… If she walks on it before it’s recovered – ”

You place a reassuring hand on Dr. Carson’s forearm. He looks up at you and simply nods, continuing to wrap the new bandage around your wounds.

“It’s fine, Dr. Carson. I’ll be okay. I’m sure the kids will get a kick out of me hopping on one leg,” you say, trying to lighten the situation.

When you see Dr. Carson’s lips slightly turn upwards, you smile yourself. It was good to see another smile other than Negan’s.

Negan narrows his eyes at the two of you, grabbing Dr. Carson from the back of his neck and pushing him out of the room before he could finish the job of wrapping the bandage around your leg.

Instantly, you look at Negan and narrow your eyes.

“That was fucking uncalled for, Negan. He didn’t do anything.”

Negan takes a seat at the edge of your bed, beginning to wrap the bandage around your thigh as he places your leg onto his lap. He doesn’t answer and suddenly, you push his hands away.

“What the fuck is your problem, doll?”

“You. _You_ are my problem, Negan!”

“Well, that’s too damn bad. Now, let me finish wrapping your fucking leg.”

You glare at him, curling your hands into fists once more as you allow him to wrap the bandage around your leg. Once he finishes, his lets his fingertips graze your bare thigh, reveling in the soft skin underneath his touch.

“Don’t touch me.” You tell him, taking your leg off his lap with a quiet grunt.

He narrows his eyes, emitting a quiet sigh. “I’ve got to touch you somehow if we’re going to walk five flights of stairs, doll.”

“I’m staying here until I’m recovered. I don’t care what you say. I’m staying put.”

Negan shakes his head, hoisting you up into his arms. “You fucking fight me and I will make sure that you are in more pain that you already are, doll. I’m getting really fucking angry with you.”

You stop fighting, allowing him to bring you out of the room. Dr. Carson glances at you and offers you an apologetic look before shaking your head. You remind yourself to visit him when you recover. Doctors needed to be treated with respect and just because the world went to shit didn’t mean that he deserved the treatment he was getting from Negan.

Once you reach his bedroom, he kicks open the door and sets you on his bed. You couldn’t help but allow yourself to relax – his bed had been the most comfortable you ever laid on since the world became chaotic.

“Now, we’ve gotta talk, doll.” Negan says, shutting the door behind him and removing his leather jacket.

You watch him carefully, making sure that you wouldn’t be surprised by some sneaky attack. Though, the minute he sets Lucille down, you knew he wasn’t going to do anything. Not unless he had a gun on him.

“Yeah, we do. I’m taking the couch. There’s no way I’m sleeping on this bed.” You tell him, beginning to climb off the bed. Once your feet hit the ground, you feel your leg give out and you quietly fall to the floor.

_Shit. Way to embarrass yourself, man. Ugh. Maybe I’ll just lie here. Nope. Can’t do that. He’s going to pick me up if I don’t get up myself. Fuck. Why did I have to stab myself with my own damn knife?_

You quietly stand up, limping to the couch before he stops you.

“The fucking couch won’t help your leg. Stop being stubborn.” You snatch your arm from his grasp, glaring in his direction.

“Like you care about my recovery, right? At least I’m in this room with you. Beggars can’t be fucking choosers, Negan.”

You walk to the couch, taking a seat and extending your leg to prevent any pressure from your wounds. You hear him sigh, not bothering to glance over at him. You lean back against the couch, shutting your eyes, hoping to find sleep.

Negan walks towards you, picking your legs up carefully before he lets it rest back onto his lap. He looks at you, biting his lower lip. It was odd how comfortable this position seemed to be.

_Fuck. It reminds me of Denny and our movie nights. He would always bring my legs to rest on his lap._

Instantly, you pull away from Negan and limp to sit across from him.

“Stop, please.”

Negan sighs, looking down at the floor. You wonder what was going on with him and how he looked so troubled, so guilty…

“Listen, doll… Last night… I’m fucking sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to kiss you and I didn’t mean what I said. I was just fucking angry. You just really pissed me off.”

“How? What did I fucking do to have pissed you off last night, Negan? Fucking _enlighten_ me.”

_Damn it. He’s making me say fuck so much now. My mother would be very angry with me if she ever heard me speak this way._

Negan doesn’t answer. He simply looks away. He knew that he was in the wrong, but he just couldn’t help the fact that you were bringing back memories of his old life, memories that he tried so hard to suppress.

“Exactly. I didn’t do shit. What happened in the past twenty-four hours was all because of _you_ , Negan. I tried – I tried to talk to you, tried to make sense of what happened, but you just… You know what, no. I’m not going to try and explain myself.”

What happened next caught you off guard. You were not expecting those words to come out of Negan’s lips.

“You remind me of my fucking wife before this world turned to shit, okay?!” He yells, his chest heaving at the memories and feelings that once made him weak. Instead, he took that grief and turned it into anger to become the ruthless leader he was now.

You laugh which catches you both by surprise. You couldn’t help it. He was upset simply because you reminded him of his previous life?

_Fuck. Stop laughing. Damn it, he looks angry._

“What the fuck is so funny, huh?”

“Do you think you’re the only one that’s had that feeling before, Negan? Seriously. You’re not the only fucking one!”

Negan wanted to let a few tears fall, but he couldn’t allow it to happen. You were the first person he mentioned Lucille to and it made him wonder why. He should have let you escape… He should have let you leave because now, he couldn’t help but feel the same amount of responsibility, the same amount of guilt, the same amount of…

…

… _Love_ like he felt with Lucille.  

He was falling _hard_ in the span of a few days and he didn’t know why or what was happening to him and his feelings.

Negan had spent so much time suppressing his feelings, his emotions and here you came, unraveling it all within a couple of days.

“Well, I fucking apologize. Do you forgive me or not?”

You narrow your eyes.

“Why would I forgive you, Negan?”

“Because I fucking said sorry. That’s usually when the other person says it’s okay and they go back to being normal,” Negan says.

_I’m actually missing his smile right now. It’s not fun to see him so angry, so troubled._

“What you said… It was uncalled for. Kissing me… Again, uncalled for, but I ran after you for a reason. You’re just too damn stubborn to realize my intentions. I’m not going to just fucking forgive you. You degraded me… You embarrassed me…”

Negan rubs his forehead. “I’m fucking trying here…”

“Well, try harder. Right now, you sound like a kid who is simply apologizing just to get the tension out of the way. I don’t even think you remember what you said, Negan.”

Negan shakes his head. He couldn’t stare at you.

“I’m your enemy. I’m just a woman with a pussy that you wanted, but couldn’t have. Do you ever think before you talk?” You tell him, shaking your head. This conversation was going nowhere. You lie back against the sofa, letting your injured leg rest against the end of it to keep it elevated. You drape an arm over your eyes, hoping that you could just fall asleep.

Negan doesn’t respond, but you hear him stand from the couch to walk to his bathroom. He slams the door shut which causes you to flinch at the abrupt sound.

You couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty for hurting him, but you remind yourself that if he was going to treat you like his enemy, then you could do the same.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day?!?! I'd say this New Year is starting on the right foot. Things are escalating between these two. The cat is finally out the bag with Negan. Let's see what'll happen next when she decides to give him the cold shoulder. Enjoy! :)


	13. Confessions

Two weeks had passed since your attempt at escaping. You were able to walk on your leg, but the pain was still slightly there. You figure it would disappear as time passed. You spent every day at the classroom, purposefully staying inside the room until Negan or one of his men retrieved you.

You would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy sleeping in the same room as Negan. It made you feel safe. _He_ made you feel safe. Still, you wouldn’t budge and simply remained on the couch.

You had woken up a handful of times with a blanket draped over you when the previous night you had no recollection of the warmth surrounding you. It must have been Negan. Since his confession, he tried to avoid all conversation with you that didn’t involve him trying to hit on you.

It was tough. Your mind couldn’t grasp how his previous life meant so much to him. One simple sentence seemed so complex for you to understand.

You knew that you wouldn’t be able to keep up the act of ignoring him or even acting like you were upset because every time he would go to bed, you would get a glimpse of a stress and troubled look in his features. The way he looked at his empty bed made you wonder why he seemed so lonely, _looked_ so lonely after he displayed the complete opposite for everyone to see.

You stare down at your desk, biting your lower lip. Working with the kids had been such a fun, but tiring job altogether. The apocalypse may have happened, but that didn’t mean that the kids were completely obedient. You didn’t mind though. It probably reminded them of what the world used to be like.

You had an hour and a half before the last set of kids would arrive, so you decide to pay Dr. Carson a visit. You hadn’t been alone with the man to apologize and also thank him for helping you. Negan always managed to hover.

Approaching the medic area, you see a few people counting the inventory before your eyes catch Dr. Carson. When your eyes meet, a flash of fear crosses his face before you reassure him with a slight nod.

“Hi… I just wanted to personally thank you for helping me recover. And you know, saving me. Pretty sure I lost a lot of blood.”

Dr. Carson nods – the fear was still clear in his features. “It’s surely no problem. It’s what I’m here to do. Save people.”

“I know, but I can see a lot of people take you for granted. Without you, this world would have no hope. I’ll get out of your hair now. Thanks, Dr. Carson.”

You flash him a small smile and quietly sigh of relief when he returns it with his own. You make your way back to the classroom, glancing down at your leg with a quiet sigh.

The rest of the day fly by rather quickly and before you know it, Negan enters the room. He had left for the day to visit Alexandria to retrieve half of his supplies and despite the urge to go with him, you knew asking would be a longshot.

“Ready for dinner, doll?”

You look up at him, arching a brow before nodding. “Guess so, yeah.”

Ever since his confession, things had been different with him and you had to wonder why it affected him so much. Behind closed doors, he wasn’t the usual Negan you were used to seeing.

“Great. I got some fucking good supplies, so the kitchen staff managed to prep a delicious dinner for you and I. Let’s go.”

Negan doesn’t wait for you and he begins walking with you following behind him. You want to ask what was wrong, why he seemed so distant, but you were still playing the role of an _enemy_.

Once you reach his bedroom, you see Amber peek out from the lounge. You don’t bother to spare her a glance, but you were sure that she was glaring at you. Ever since you started sleeping in Negan’s room, he hadn’t been with any of his wives and you were sure that made Amber angry.

You sit at the couch that you had come to call your bed, gently taking the plate of food when Negan hands you it. You mumble a quiet “thank you” and begin eating. Despite how good the food was, you couldn’t help but feel guilty that this food was meant for the people at Alexandria, meant for Judith, Carl…

Instantly, you shake your head and set your barely eaten food back onto the coffee table.

“I’m suddenly not hungry.”

Negan narrows his eyes, taking a mouthful of food and swallowing down the contents. “And why the fuck not?”

“I’m just not, okay? It’s been a really tiring day and I just want to go to sleep.”

Negan shakes his head, setting his own plate down.

“No. You don’t think I didn’t have a fucking tiring day? You knew I was visiting Alexandria, didn’t you?”

You don’t reply.

“Didn’t you?” Negan repeats, looking directly at you. It was odd how you can see right past his usual act and it made you want to comfort him.

_Nope. Can’t do that. I’m supposed to still be angry with him. But fuck. He’s looking at me with those puppy dog eyes… I don’t know how long I can last._

“I may have overheard you…”

“So, you were eavesdropping? Fuck, almost a month here and you still don’t learn your damn lesson, doll.”

“When can I have my own room, my own _bed_ , Negan?”

Negan grins, leaning forward as his eyes glint with sudden amusement. You could practically see the wheels turning in his mind – maybe he was taking your advice and thinking first before he decided to speak.

“What? You don’t like sleeping in the same room as me?” He smirks.

“No. I thought I made that clear for the past two weeks.”

Negan sighs, his smile faltering for a moment.

“I already said I was sorry, okay? Fuck. What more do you want from me?”

“Why don’t you show me how sorry you are, Negan? Your apology? They are just words. You ever heard of the phrase, _actions speak louder than words_?”

He tightens his jaw, running his hand over his face. His beard had grown in again and you would be lying if you said you didn’t miss it.

“Just fucking listen to me right now, okay?”

You remain quiet, clearing your throat. Suddenly, you see him finally drop the façade of the fearless, merciless leader that everyone in the Sanctuary feared. You get a glimpse of him, of who he _really_ was before this world went to shit.

And damn it, it made you want to hug him.

“I don’t even kiss my fucking wives… What happened in the garden… I still have no explanation for. I don’t even know why the fuck I went after you aside from the fact that I don’t tolerate my people breaking the fucking rules. I could have, and _should_ have, let you leave.”

You try to interrupt him but he simply raises a hand to stop you. The guilt in his eyes was enough for you to realize how sincere his apology truly meant. He didn’t make sense of what was happening to him and you couldn’t blame him for that.

“Before this world turned to shit, I was a shit husband. Nothing is different except now that people fear me. I wish I could fucking say that I was a saint before all of this, but I wasn’t. It was like this world was fucking built for me,” Negan begins, his eyes slowly deviating to his boots.

You want to sit next to him, to comfort him, but you can’t seem to stand up. You remain glued to the couch as you listen to him, continuing to stare at him. He seemed so fragile, so troubled right now that if you were to touch him, he would simply _break_.

“What are you trying to say, Negan?”

“Fuck, I’m trying to tell you that I – Shit. Whatever you’re doing to me, it’s fucking working, doll. I haven’t felt this way since – since my wife died and maybe the reason why I took a fucking liking to you was because I realized that you and I have a lot more in common than you fucking think,” Negan admits. He was determined to keep his eyes solely away from you, which was something you weren’t used to.

Negan was a man who liked to be in people’s personal space, liked to look them in the eye, but right now, it was like there was a different man sitting right in front of you.

“What are you talking about?”

“My wife died of cancer just before the world turned to shit.” He tightens his jaw and instantly, your mind drifts to Denny. You had at least a year and a half to cope with his death, but Negan didn’t have enough time to grieve. He was thrown into this world as soon as his wife was taken from him.

_Fuck it. I’m going to sit next to him._

You quietly stand up, taking a seat next to him. He doesn’t look up at you, doesn’t even spare you a glance when suddenly, you rest a hand on his own. It had been the first time you initiated any type of physical interaction and you were both surprised at the simple gesture.

Finally, Negan looks up at you. It was in that moment that you could have sworn you could have kissed him, that all sense of guilt and betrayal to Rick would have disappeared.

“What do you mean by just before, Negan?”

He sighs. He was definitely staring into your eyes and you could see his own glistening with tears, but you knew he wasn’t going to allow you to see him that way. It was already bad enough that you knew about his wife, about his previous life.

“I was – I was at her bedside when everything happened. I couldn’t even save her. I couldn’t even fucking put her down myself. I had to ask a fucking kid… A damn kid to do it for me. That night we kissed… I didn’t fucking mean what I said. I really mother _fucking_ mean that too. Seeing you so hurt reminded me of what I did to my wife… To _Lucille_ …”

Your eyes drift to the bat resting near him, biting your lower lip. You had thought naming an inanimate object was crazy, but now it made sense. It made you realize that people do the things they do for a reason.

“Negan…”

He shakes his head, pulling his hand from your grasp and standing up. He grabs Lucille and drapes it over his shoulder. You could practically see the wall he was building around himself. He had said too much and you were simply an _enemy_.

“I said too fucking much. You know, you _broke_ me too, okay? You think you can come into my fucking life and change me? Tomorrow night, we’re ending these dinners. I will be giving you your own damn room. If you try to escape, go ahead. I won’t be fucking looking for you.”

That _hurt_. Did he not learn his lesson last time? Was he truly that blind that he couldn’t see that maybe the feeling was _mutual_?

Taking a deep breath and a big leap of faith, you stand up and grab his hand to prevent him from walking out. You didn’t know what had come to you, but you knew if you didn’t do this now, your relationship with Negan would end.

Here was someone who had gone through the same things you have; seen possibly the same things you have and now it was all making sense. Just like Rick told the group… He didn’t ask to be the leader, everyone just assumed he would rise to the challenge.

It seemed like Negan was the same way, except he took it a bit too far.

“Can you stop running from what you’re actually feeling? You may be Negan, the fearless Savior, the leader who will lead us to the new world… But you have to fucking remember that you’re still human, you’re still just like the rest of us.”

Negan simply drops his eyes to your hand, taking note that it was wrapped around his wrist. He didn’t know what to say. Putting up this image of being the ruthless leader was tiring and not being able to console or talk to anyone about it was driving him mad.

“I cheated on Lucille before she got fucking sick. She knew – She fucking knew that I was fucking some other woman and she still loved me, still let me come home at night. I told myself that her cancer was life’s way of getting back at me… Karma. I stuck by her side until – Until this world went to shit. I’m a bad fucking man. I always have been and I always fucking will be.”

Your heart breaks. No wonder why Negan didn’t want his current wives to cheat on him. Everything was making sense now. Here was a man you thought to be the big, bad wolf and instead, he seemed like he was just like everyone else.

“I’m going to do this and I don’t want to hear a fucking smartass remark when I pull away.”

His brows furrow in confusion before he feels you tug him towards your body. Instantly, his free hand rests on your hip as your hand cups his cheek. Suddenly, your lips were pressed against his in a desperate kiss.

Negan growls against you, setting Lucille down against the edge of his bed before he wraps his arm around your waist to bring you flush against him. He forgot how soft your lips felt, how warm and inviting they were against his lips… He forgot how your body felt like against his and this time, _you_ initiated it.

Once you pull away, though, you see him smirk, but you could still see the shock in his features. He runs his tongue across the bottom of his upper teeth, flashing you that usual grin.

“I love it when a fucking woman takes initiative,” he says, his arms loosening around your frame but remaining around your body.

“What did I say about hearing a smartass remark?” You tell him, biting your lower lip. You look up at him, taking note of the significant height difference as your eyes drift back to his lips.

_Fuck. I kissed him. I want to do it again and by the way he’s looking at me, I can tell he was thinking the same thing._

“That’s pretty fucking innocent than what’s actually going through my mind right now.” Negan admits. “I think I’ve got a rule that only applies to you, doll… I think I only want _you_ fucking kissing me because my god, you can work those fucking lips. I’m eager to see what else you can fucking do.”

You roll your eyes, gently resting your forehead against his chest. You shut your eyes, his arms tightening around you to hold you in such a tight embrace that made you feel safe and protected.

You didn’t know what this meant for the both of you, but right now, you just wanted to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So, it finally happened... Ahhh! Don't worry, though. I've got another drama-filled idea coming up before I decide to end this story. Plus, I wonder how they're both going to decide what this entails for their relationship??? 
> 
> Just a heads up, I start intersession tomorrow and it's a 4-week class, M-F. Meaning... I may or may not have enough time to update every day like I have been doing since I uploaded this story! Regardless, I'll try and make it happen! Thank you! Now enjoy!!! :)


	14. I'm Not A Monster

_Negan’s POV_

Fuck. I couldn’t take it anymore. Every time I looked at you, talked to you, memories of Lucille flashed in my mind. I couldn’t handle this fucking silent treatment any longer. The moment you set your food down, I knew my resolve was quickly diminishing.

I needed to tell you, needed you to understand why I was acting the way I was. Everyone in the Sanctuary knew I had taken a liking to you, hell, even my wives took notice. It wasn’t difficult for them to find out anyway. They watched you enter my bedroom a handful of times and even they weren’t allowed in here.

Fuck. What was I doing? I’m supposed to be a leader. A leader that everyone feared. A leader that wasn’t afraid to die for his people. A leader that wasn’t supposed to develop _real_ feelings for a woman that was siding with the enemy.

I didn’t know what I wanted out of this. I didn’t know what I was trying to accomplish. I should have let you leave, shouldn’t have come after you because now that you kissed me, I was never going to let you go.

“Let me Daryl. Let me see Eugene.” I hear you demand, moving to sit back onto the couch as if the kiss didn’t just fucking happen.

Damn it, woman. I’m standing here with a fucking hard-on and you have the audacity to mention two different names that weren’t of importance to me. Talk about a way to ruin the damn mood.

I follow you eagerly, not wasting any time before I sit next to you. My arm wraps around you and surprisingly, you lean back against me.

“You really think I’m that fucking stupid, doll? Come on. Just because you kissed me doesn’t make me suddenly trust you.” I didn’t want to scare you more than I needed, but I had to make my message clear.

A kiss was not going to be the answer to gaining my trust.

“Let Daryl and Eugene go. Just – Keep me. I’ll do whatever you ask of me. It’s obvious that we’re attracted to each other, which I’m sure you’re attracted to anything with a vagina, but that’s beside the point.

“What I’m trying to say is that keeping them here… What good will it do? If you’re not going to let them go, at least let me see them. At least let me make sure they’re okay…”

“They’re fucking fine, doll, okay? Daryl – Well, he’s working the fence, but at least he’s alive. As for the bullet maker, my god he can fucking talk but he sure as hell can make me bullets, so I think I’m going to fucking keep him.”

I don’t know why all of a sudden I felt the need to make you happy, to make sure that you were happy here, with _me_.

We were supposed to be having a serious conversation, but I just couldn’t take my mind off the way your lips felt against mine. It had been so _long_ since I had to kiss someone and with you, it was easy. I didn’t have to think about it. It just …

Happened.

You didn’t even touch your food and somehow, I feel a bit guilty. Fuck. You are going to turn me into a soft man when I’m supposed to be a badass.

I watch as you curl up into the couch, to the one place you have been sleeping for the past month. I knew that you were aware our conversation of letting you see your two friends would be a losing battle. Your silence was enough for me to understand that you knew where I was coming from.

Slowly, I pick you up into my arms, tucking you against my chest. It was oddly satisfying to know that you didn’t pull away, but instead, you decided to rest your head against me.

“Negan, _please_ …”

I hear your voice quiver and I knew immediately that you missed it back in Alexandria. For some reason, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to have been taken from the one place that kept you safe for this long.

I set you down on my bed, watching you slowly move to lie down across it. This is probably the first time that I allowed you onto my bed and surprisingly enough, I didn’t want to get in your pants right this second. No matter how good you looked lying beneath my satin grey sheets.

I’ll have you writhing underneath me soon. I can feel it.

I keep my eyes solely on you as if to trace any betrayal expression to hit your features. I could sense that you were genuinely concerned about your friends’ wellbeing and I couldn’t blame you. You had seen me transform into some sort of monster.

Finally, I sigh.

“You’re making me fucking soft, doll. But you know what? Fine. Because I’m tired of you ignoring me and I just want you happy. Whenever you visit Daryl or Eugene, I will be accompanying you. _I_ will allow how long you get to talk to them, how long you get to see them. Do I make myself clear?”

Instantly, there’s a glimmer of excitement to hit your eyes and I suddenly feel proud to have caused that type of reaction. Maybe I could make you happy after all… It would take quite a lot, but I always loved a challenge.

You wrap your arms around me, almost making me stumble back. Your body feels amazing against mine and the way your arms wrap instinctively around my neck makes me smile… A _genuine_ smile.

“That all it take for you to smile for me, doll? Well, fuck. I think I’m going to make it my damn mission to see that look on your face from now on. I forgot how cute of a fucking smile you’ve got.”

When you pull away, I could see the pink hue tint your cheeks. Fuck, she’s blushing and it’s all because of _me_.

“You’re ruining a moment. Don’t ruin it.” You say.

I had to chuckle. You were always so quick with the comebacks. When you pull away to lie back down, I almost groan in protest, but the way you get comfortable in my bed proves that the trust was slowly building between you and I.

“I’m sleeping next to you, just so we’re fucking clear, doll. I happen to like my bed, so I hope you don’t fucking mind. If not, the couch is where you’ll be at.” I tell her, but half of that is a lie. If you didn’t want me sleeping next to you, I would happily take the couch just so you would be comfortable.  

“Mm, just shut up before I change my mind. No touching though.”

I grin, instantly removing my boots and my pants. I always enjoyed sleeping in my boxers and a plain t-shirt. I climb into my bed next to you and for the first time since the world turned into this chaotic hell, I felt _normal_.

Having you by my side reminded me of a life that I could have had if Lucille had beat her cancer, if this apocalypse never happened…

It felt great to know that there was someone out there who could possibly _like_ me without the sole purpose for me to protect them.

I keep my hands to myself because fuck, consent is the one thing I always consider, but when I feel you snuggle closer to my side, I hesitantly drape an arm around your shoulders.

I cease for a moment, wondering if you would hit me for touching you, but when your head rests against my chest, I relax.

Tomorrow, I would need to talk to you about establishing what this meant for us, for you, for me… For our …

…

_Relationship._

For now, though, I was going to enjoy and revel in this peaceful, _normal_ moment with you. It was odd. Holding you like this made me forget that there were the dead walking past these walls, made me forget the man I had become ever since the world turned to shit.

You reminded me what it was like to feel _normal_.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Negan's POV. I have missed writing so much, but this class is a lot of work. I hope you enjoy this one because it's more of a filler than anything. Things should pick up in the next few chapters...


	15. Tell Me The Truth

You feel a blanket of warmth radiating near you. Last night felt like a dream. Kissing Negan because _you_ wanted to seemed like something that was pure fantasy. Though, as you flutter your eyes open to see Negan quietly snoring next to you, you realized that last night definitely happened.

You didn’t know what this meant for the both of you and quite frankly, you didn’t know if you wanted this to change anything. Negan was still the man that killed your two friends, still the man that took you away from the people you loved and cared for, still the man who was holding two of your other friends hostage.

It was an inner battle that you found yourself having. You wanted him, but at the same time, you knew what he was capable of.

You just wished that _he_ was the one that saved you rather than Rick and Glenn. Maybe things would have been different.

You glance out to his large three windows, just to see the sun slowly beginning to rise above the darkness that surrounded the Sanctuary. You wanted to wake Negan up, but the fact that he looked so peaceful prevented you from doing so.

Instead, you climb out of the bed quietly and walk towards one of the large windows. You wrap your arms around yourself and focus on the way the darkness soon disappeared while the sky was slowly painted with a slight pink hue.

It was going to be a beautiful day and you were going to make sure that you were able to see Eugene and Daryl after your shift at work.

For a moment, you find yourself stuck in a trance as you keep your eyes on the slow sunrise against the horizon. Your mind drifts to memories of Denny and how much he loved sunsets and sunrises. He was such a hopeless romantic at times that you couldn’t help but smile at the distant memory.

Watching this particular sunrise reminded you of the moment that Denny proposed to you. You two had been dating for two years, constantly spending time with one another. He had woken you up at four in the morning that day and you couldn’t help but feel grumpy.

_“Oh, come on. I’ve got coffee and donuts. I know how much you love donuts in the morning. Pull on a sweater and come with me. Please.” Denny says, gently stroking your hair back away from your face._

_You always found it such a difficult task to be angry at him. He was such a sweetheart and you knew he wouldn’t have woken you up if it wasn’t important._

_“Fine… But only because you mentioned donuts.”_

You bring your fingertips to your lips, gently grazing them as if you could feel his own against yours at the memory. You let tears pool your eyes and you knew that thinking about him was just going to make you miss him more.

_“Where are we going, Denny? It’s five in the morning and it’s still dark out. There’s nothing open right now.”_

_“Patience is key. Go eat that donut and sip on your coffee some more. We’re almost there.” He reaches over to gently pat your thigh, letting his hand rest there casually._

_When he pulls up to a cliff, Denny shuts the car off and grabs the blanket from the backseat. He leads you out of the car so that the both of you could eat the donuts and drink your coffee on the hood of his car._

_You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him. While he was your boyfriend, he was also your best friend. You could talk to him about anything and this morning proved to be one of your usual talks about life, about how much you two loved each other and how lucky you both were to have one another._

_Your eyes move across the open space at the edge of the cliff, taking in the slow sunrise across the horizon. It was beautiful and something you had never seen before. Sure, you had witnessed many sunsets, but waking up at the crack of dawn was something you had never done before._

_“Denny, it’s beautiful…”_

_He doesn’t answer and when you look over at him, you see that he had climbed off the hood of the car. He was kneeling on one knee, pulling a small velvet box from his pocket. You couldn’t believe it. You knew the first time you kissed him that Denny was going to be the man you were going to marry._

_“Marry me…”_

You are broken out of your reverie when you feel a set of hands rest delicately on your shoulders. It felt real, as if Denny was still here. You flinch slightly, glancing over your shoulder to see Negan. It was odd how comfortable you were against his touch.

“I didn’t mean to scare you…” Negan says, dropping his hands as he gazes out towards the sunrise.

“It’s okay. Must have zoned out or something…” You lie, biting your lower lip. You glance over at him and you can see the distance in his eyes as he stares out into the beauty of the sunrise. It was the small things that reminded you that this world was still very much alive, despite the dead that walked the Earth.

“That shit is pretty. I’ve got to make it a habit to watch this every morning.”

You couldn’t help but smile. Negan was slowly understanding that there was still beauty in this world.

“Hey, Negan?” You turn to him, allowing your eyes to graze over his features. He didn’t look as scary as he did when he was wielding his bat or sporting his leather jacket. For once, he looked like the rest of the people in the Sanctuary – dressed in boxers and a plain t-shirt.

“Hm?” Negan couldn’t take his eyes off the sunrise and how it reminded him that he was alive to see another day.

“What you told me last night… About – Lucille…”

You see him stiffen and you could tell that he was ready to walk away before your hand grabs his forearm to stop him. You wanted to let him know that he didn’t have to hide that part of himself from you. You knew how tiring it could be to just shrug off something as tragic as losing your loved one.

“What the fuck do you want, doll? Just because I told you some sob story about my fucking life doesn’t give you the right to bring it up whenever you fucking want.”

He was angry, but you knew that was because he didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, Negan just wanted to forget about his old life, forget about who he was before this, forget _Lucille_.

“Don’t do that. You told me for a reason, Negan. I just want to say thank you… For telling me. I know it couldn’t have been easy, but I know that it’s twice as hard to keep it hidden, not only from the people in the Sanctuary, but also from yourself.”

It was too early to talk about this and Negan was certainly not expecting a serious talk right when he woke up.

“Get ready. Breakfast will be served soon. After your shift, I’ll be fucking taking you to see Eugene and Daryl. Five minutes each. That’s it.”

Negan walks away, grabbing his clothes and entering his bathroom. You could hear him lock the door and quietly, you sigh. You glance out the window to see that it was a brand new day and the sun was high above the sky.

Maybe it wasn’t going to be as beautiful as you thought it would be.

* * *

 

Throughout your classes, you couldn’t help but think of Negan. You thought about his old life, about his wife, about the _kiss_ , and also the cuddling you both were doing last night… You needed to remind yourself that this man was an enemy. There was no way he was going to _truly_ like you.

You were just about to leave the classroom when you spot one of your youngest students enter the room. She looked lost, just as anyone her age might be in this world.

Instantly, you lead her into the classroom and bring her to sit at one of the desks as you take a seat next to her. You furrow a brow when she snuggles closer to you, resting her head against your side when you wrap an arm around her shoulders.

“What’s wrong, honey? Is everything okay?” You ask her, looking down at her as she keeps her eyes on her lap.

“Nothing… I just like staying here with you.”

Your heart breaks and you instantly hug her to your side. You shut your eyes – you couldn’t fathom living in this world at her age.

“Well, remember what I said on the first day? If you want to come back after your session, you’re more than welcome to stay. And if you like staying here with me, well then, I insist you stay here with me until it’s time for dinner, Emmy. Does that sound okay?”

She looks up at you with her big hazel eyes and flashes you a small smile. The feeling of making your students happy didn’t disappear just because this world turned into a living hell. The hope in her eyes, the happiness in her features… It made you realize how grateful you were to have met these kids when you did.

“And I can stay in between breaks?” She asks.

“Of course. I’ve been needing someone to keep me company and I think you’re the _perfect_ candidate,” you tell her, tapping the top of her nose and she giggles.

Oh, that sound was like heaven to your eyes. In a world where it drained happiness and joy, a simple giggle from a young girl livened your spirits. It was another reminder that there was still beauty and innocence in this world.

Suddenly, you turn your head at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Both you and Emmy glance at Negan who was leaning against the wall with Lucille resting at his side like usual.

You feel Emmy stiffen at the sight of Negan and you instantly rub her shoulder to soothe her, giving her a small gesture that just as long you were there, no one was going to hurt her.

“Well, doll, I didn’t think you’d have any fu –”

You shoot him a glare. He knew your rules.

“Any kids left.” He finishes, walking over to where you both sat. Negan lets Lucille rest against your desk, crouching down to be at eye level with Emmy who snuggles closer to your side as if to hide herself from him.

Negan looks up at you as if to ask what her name was and you silently mouth the little girl’s name, wondering which direction Negan would take this interaction.

“Emmy, right?” Negan says, tilting his head to get a better look at her. “I’m Negan.”

He extends a hand out for the little girl and Emmy looks down at the offering hand before up at you. You nod and she slowly reaches out to shake Negan’s large hand with one of her tiny ones. It wasn’t long before she retracted and snuggled closer to you.

“Hey, Emmy… I’ve heard a lot about you, you know.” Negan says, trying to coax the girl out of her shell which was surprisingly working to his advantage.

“Yo – You have?”

“I have. Doll here tells me all about you. How smart you are, how you love participating in class… She even shows me some of your drawings that you’ve done. They’re beautiful.” Negan smiles, his eyes glancing toward you for a moment before focusing his attention to the little girl who seemed to slowly move away from you.

“Well, I do like drawing,” Emmy replies with a shy smile.

You couldn’t help but feel your heart squeeze at the sight of Negan interacting with a child with such carefulness. It made you wonder if he, too, was trying to keep the innocence and hope in this child’s mind.

“Great! How about you draw me a picture and I’ll pick it up tomorrow? It can be _anything_!” Negan grins, watching the girl grin almost instantly.

The excitement in her eyes did not go unnoticed and it took you by surprise when she jumped out of her seat to hug Negan’s leg. In her eyes, he had been this persona of a big, bad wolf, but now, he didn’t seem that bad.

“Come on, Emmy. Let’s get you back to your brother, huh? I’m sure he’s going crazy just looking for you. Plus, dinner is soon and we don’t want you to miss that, do we?” You tell her, hoisting her up into your arms.

“Mhm. You’re right. I do like the food.” Emmy smiles, resting her head against your shoulder as Negan flashes her a large grin.

“I’ll be right back, Negan.” You tell him, glancing over your shoulder.

“And I’ll be right here.”

* * *

 

You begin walking back to your classroom after dropping Emmy off to her room where her brother, indeed, looked like he was about ready to panic and yell for help. You reassured him that she was going to be staying with you until dinner time and he didn’t mind. It gave him more space and more time for him to do his homework as well.

You walk into your classroom to see Negan at your desk. It was odd how normal it seemed to see him sitting there.

“Thanks… You know, for not cursing in front of Emmy. She’s the youngest in all my classes, so you probably just made her day by asking for a drawing.” You tell him, walking around the desk and gently pushing the chair that he was sitting in to gather your papers.

He looks at you, tilting his head upwards.

“I can be nice when I fucking want to be. Didn’t I say I was a reasonable man? Some people don’t fucking understand that concept.” Negan stands, grabbing your papers to hold for you. You were just about to protest before you feel his arm drape over your waist, pulling you to his side.

“Negan…”

“What? I’m not fucking doing a thing. We’ve got some shit to talk about during dinner, but for now, I did say I was going to let you see Daryl and Eugene. I’m a man of my fucking word, so come on.”

* * *

 

Negan leads you down the hall and up a few flights of stairs before he opens the door to one room. You knew that Negan wouldn’t lead you to where he was keeping the two of them, so you settled for what was given.

When you see Daryl standing at the corner, you instantly run to him, wrapping his arms around his frame in a tight embrace. When he realizes it was you, his arms snake around your waist and you can feel him trembling against you.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Have you eaten?” You tell him, pulling back to look at him, gently stroking his hair away from his face.

Daryl doesn’t say a word, instead, he just settles for holding you. He needed some comfort, some reassurance that everything was going to be okay, but you didn’t know how you could tell him that you weren’t sure yourself.

“I’m here, okay? I’ve been here since – since Negan decided he wanted to take me back with him.” I tell him, glancing over my shoulder to see Negan leaning against the doorframe.

“Damn right I wanted her back with me. Have you seen how hot she fucking is? I’d be a fucking idiot if I didn’t, just like Rick.” Negan smirks.

“What ya planning to do to her?” Daryl speaks out, causing Negan to shake his head, entering the room.

Instantly, you shield Daryl from Negan, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

“Why don’t you tell him, doll? Tell him what happened.” Negan says, urging you with a slight nod.

You turn to Daryl, sighing to yourself.

“That day Negan dropped me back off at Alexandria… Things went wrong, Daryl. Spe – Spencer tried to get Rick killed by asking Negan to do it for him. In return, Negan… He killed him. Right outside Rick’s house… I didn’t know what to do. Rick wasn’t there. He was out scavenging with Aaron.

“Then – Then Rosita pulls out a gun and – She tried to kill Negan, Daryl. Everything happened so fast. They killed Olivia… And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take it anymore. So, I ran. I ran from Alexandria. I thought I could make it. I thought they wouldn’t find me, but they did. Worse part is… It was fucking Negan’s idea. When Rick came back and realized I was gone, he didn’t – He wasn’t going to come after me.”

You instantly look away from him. It still hurt to know that your enemy was the one willing to bring you back.

“Ya know he would have. Rick wouldn’t leave ya out there.” Daryl says, trying to defend Rick.

You shake your head, looking into his eyes and showcasing the truth in your orbs. You were sure that Daryl could see the pain behind them.

“Oh, but he fucking wanted to! In fact, the prick told me that if she didn’t want to be found or gone after, then we shouldn’t try. Now, you can call me a fucking liar, but doll knows the truth. She saw it in his fucking eyes that day.” Negan interrupts, grinning over at the both of you.

“So, what ya tryin’ to say, then? Huh? That yer with him now? Yer with the enemy? He killed Glenn! He killed Abraham! And like ya just told me… He killed Olivia and Spencer!”

You weren’t expecting to be yelled at by Daryl, but somehow you knew that his loyalty to Rick had a stronger bond than you thought.

“I don’t know, Daryl. I don’t know what I’m fucking doing anymore, okay?!”

Suddenly, Daryl turns his attention to Negan and his arms instantly slide off your frame. “Bring me back to my cell. I think I’m done talking.”

You feel tears cloud your eyes, looking at Daryl with the same pained expression you had when you found out Rick didn’t want to come after you.

“I just – I wanted to make sure you were okay…” You tell him, blinking back the tears as a few fall from your eyes to stain your cheeks.

“I want to go back to my cell.” Daryl says, ignoring your words.

Negan glances at you, taking note that you were silently shaking before he reaches for his walkie-talkie to call Dwight.

“D, bring Daryl back to his fucking cell. And make sure to leave the music running day in and day out. I think we’ll keep him in there longer than he’s ever fucking been before.” Negan turns to Daryl, his smile dropping from his face.

“Why this fucking girl bothers to care about you fucking Alexandrians is beyond me. You want back in your cell? Well, back to your cell you motherfucking will go.”

You run out of the room and down the hall, sliding down the wall once you figure you had run far enough. It hurt to know that the only person that you could even trust was the same person who was causing your old group so much trouble.

You hear his boots approach you. Your eyes catch sight of him sitting next to you and you instantly rest your head against his shoulder for comfort. His arm wraps around your shoulders to bring you closer to his side, rubbing your upper arm soothingly.

“I don’t know where I belong anymore, Negan. I don’t even think I ever belonged back in Alexandria… I was just a goddamn babysitter. That’s all I was.”

Negan hoists you up into his arms and you hesitantly lean against him. He ascends the stairs, leading you to his bedroom. He sets you down onto the bed once he shuts the door and you instantly bring your knees to your chest.

“You belong here. It’s proof that you fucking do, doll. Those kids need you. And if last night is any fucking consolation… Maybe _I_ need you too.” Negan admits, removing his leather jacket and the glove from his hand. You watch him carefully, biting your lower lip.

“You can’t even talk to me, Negan. I brought up a heavy topic this morning and you shrugged it off. So, please. Don’t go around saying you need me just because you feel sorry for me.” You climb off the bed, walking to the couch that you had been sleeping on before his hand grabs your wrist.

“I’m still not fucking comfortable talking about my old life, okay? I don’t think I ever fucking will be, but I told you about it, about … _Lucille_. That should fucking mean something, right? And we kissed. You fucking kissed me.” Negan drops his hand, but takes a step closer to you.

He needed you.

Just like you needed him.

“I meant it when I said I don’t know what I’m fucking doing anymore, Negan. I fucking don’t. I don’t know why I kissed you last night. I just – I don’t know.” You wanted to move away from him, to sit back down on his couch, but you could tell he would just pull you back to him.

“Let’s fucking talk, doll. You said it yourself that there’s some sort of fucking attraction between you and I, right? Look me in the eye and tell me that it doesn’t go deeper than that, that it’s just pure physical attraction and I’ll believe you. Go on. Fucking tell me.”

You slowly bring your eyes to stare into his. You clear your throat. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t tell him that what was going on inside of you wasn’t _just_ attraction. It was so much more than that.

“I can’t…” You admit.

“Then fucking be honest with me,” Negan demands.

“I can’t…” You repeat.

“You can’t or you won’t? Because they are two fucking different things, doll.”

“I don’t want to fall in love with someone when I know it won’t be reciprocated. You – You have a harem of wives, Negan. I can’t do that. I can’t be in love with someone when I know that they’ve got five other women they can fool around with,” you finally drop the intense gaze, looking down at the floor.

Negan didn’t know what to say. He had an inkling that you were feeling the same way he was, but to hear it out in the open? It was mildly shocking to say the least.

“I haven’t fucked any of my wives since you started sleeping in my room. I haven’t even seen _any_ of them as much as I used to since I brought you back here.”

“What do you want me to say, Negan? Seriously. What is there to say?” You clear your throat, seeing him take another step forward until your bodies were pressing against one another.

His breath trickles over your lips as you stare up at him, his eyes staring deeply into your own.

“You know exactly what I want you to say, doll. So, just fucking say it.”

You take a deep breath and shut your eyes, allowing the words to escape your lips in a quiet whisper.

“I’m falling in love with you…

…

But I’m _scared_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys! I've got class tomorrow, but I just needed to put this out. I haven't been reading over my chapters, so there may be a few (maybe many) grammatical errors, so I apologize if there are any which I'm sure there are! 
> 
> Either way, enjoy this chapter. Things are heating up. ;)


	16. Let's Get it On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is finally here!!! There are only a few chapters left in this story..... I love all the feedback you all have given me (kudos, comments). It means so much!!! :)

Negan stares at you, smirking proudly. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel, but a part of him was glad that you were falling for him. It was different when you admitted it compared to his wives. You sounded so genuine, so sure of your feelings.

But while your confession may be true, Negan wasn’t ready to admit it aloud. He didn’t want to put it out there in the world that maybe, just maybe, he could love again.

“Well, doll, I fucking knew it. You fall for every leader you encounter or what?” Negan smirks, hiding his true feelings by his usual attitude. It was no use though. Negan admitted something about his previous life that he had never done before since the world ended. He needed to get a grip on his feelings.

You stare at him, hurt flashing through your eyes for the briefest of moments before it is replaced with anger.

“You insensitive, selfish _prick_! You tell me to admit something as meaningful and important as that and all you say is _that_? Who the fuck do you think you are?!” For a moment, you forget who you were speaking to. He was a man that didn’t like it when he wasn’t in control and right now, he was at a loss of words by your reaction.

“Careful how you’re talking to me, doll. Besides… _Love_? I hear it all the time from my wives, but I am clearly _flattered_ that you feel that way towards me,” Negan wanted to drop his façade, but something in his mind was telling him to stop being a pussy and act as the leader that many people feared.

You blink back the tears that were clouding at your eyes. This type of rejection hurt more than what Rick did to you, more than what Daryl told you just an hour ago. It was a reminder that you couldn’t trust anyone and that thought alone was scary, especially in this world.

“You know what? _Fuck_ **you**. The shit you spouted about your wife and how I remind you of your old life? Bullshit. You’re no man, Negan. You’re just a damn coward, hiding behind that smile and wielding that bat. Rick? He’s twice the man you will ever be.” You snarl, beginning to walk towards the door before he stops you with a rough hand wrapping around your wrist.

“Need I remind you that he didn’t want you found, princess? Need I remind you of what I am _fucking_ capable of?” Negan’s smile finally falters, staring at you in a more threatening glare.

You were asking for a death wish, but at this point, you didn’t care.

“Oh yeah. You’re a fucking murderer. A fucking coward. You know what? Maybe I should go and see Simon. I’m sure he’d love to cheer me up,” you threaten, pulling your wrist from his grasp.

The jealousy flashes through his eyes, staring at you with narrowed eyes.

“You fucking wouldn’t,” Negan responds.

“Why don’t you just admit it, Negan? What are you afraid of?!” You yell, taking a step back to put some distance between yourself and Negan. “Stop trying to disregard what you’re feeling…”

Negan suddenly slams a hand on the wall near your head, watching you flinch at the abrupt noise. For a moment, your resolve falters at the sight of his softened eyes. You see fear in his expression, something that you had never seen through Negan’s eyes.

He wasn’t supposed to be scared of anything.

“I can’t lose you too!” Negan abruptly says, dropping his eyes to the ground.

You feel your heart leap out of your chest, shutting your eyes and resting the back of your head against the wall. You were both defeated. Admitting feelings, especially as strong as this, was taking a toll on the both of you.

“Say it, Negan. _Say_ **it**.”

You look up at him, gently cupping his cheek. He doesn’t pull away and instantly leans against your touch, taking comfort in the soft strokes that you were doing along his cheek.

It reminded him of Lucille when he was hunched over in the chair near her hospital bed and she would reach over to gently stroke his cheek, reassuring him that everything was going to be okay through a small gesture.

“Doll…” Negan says, shaking his head.

“No. Say it. Admit it. You’re the only one I fucking trust right now, Negan… Please don’t make me realize that it was a mistake…”

Suddenly, Negan lifts his head to look into her eyes. He notices the truth in your words, the innocence in your eyes.

“I’m fucking falling for you too, okay? Are you happy now?” Negan says with a defeated tone, resting his forehead against your shoulder. You let a small smile line your lips, moving your hand from his cheek to the back of his head, gently running your fingers through the curl at the nape of his neck.

You gently pull him back, leaning up to place a soft kiss onto his lips. He returns it almost instantly, letting a small pout rest on his lips when you pull away.

“You won’t lose me…” You tell him, brushing your fingers along the back of his neck before moving a hand to his chest.

You didn’t know what this meant for the two of you. You didn’t know if this meant that you two were together now or if your relationship with him would remain a secret. The only thing that bothered you was his wives, but like he said, he hasn’t been with them ever since you started sleeping in his room.

Was he willing to give them up? For _you_?

Negan lifts you off your feet, letting your legs wrap around his waist as he gently sets you on his bed. His lips instantly attach to your neck, moving his hands to the end of your shirt and slowly lifting it to feel your soft skin against his fingertips.

“Negan… Wait,” You tell him, stopping his hands from making its ascent to remove your shirt. You look at him, biting your lower lip. It was now or never. You had to ask him before this would continue.

“I’ll go gentle, I promise. I mean, I know you haven’t fucked anyone since your husband, but I’ll make you feel good.” Negan says, pressing his hips into yours and you instantly gasp at the feel of his hardened member.

“ _Mm_ … I know you will, but before this goes any further, I need to ask… What about – What about your wives?” You were slightly distracted at his movements along your lower half. He was slowly grinding against you, allowing you to feel how excited you were making him.

“What about my wives? They can go fuck themselves for all I care. I’ve got you and fuck, I want you right now.”

You shake your head, gently pushing him off of you before you sit up. You lower your shirt to cover yourself, looking at him but not without letting your eyes rake over his crotch. You squeeze your legs at the mere sight before reminding yourself what you were originally talking about.

“I’m not going to sleep with you if you continue sleeping with them, Negan. I will not stoop down to that level…” You admit, biting your lower lip. You didn’t know how he would react. Negan and his harem of wives was another way to prove how powerful he was and if he got rid of them for _one_ woman (a woman who was once an enemy), what would people think of him?

“I’ll keep them as my fucking wives, okay? I need them to uphold my image, but I won’t be touching them. I want _you_ … Fuck, doll. When I brought you back here, I didn’t expect all these feelings, alright? Sure, I was fucking expecting a quick fuck, but I didn’t think the extra emotional baggage would come with it. I tried to break you, but instead, _you_ were the one to break **me**.” Negan admits, tugging on your leg to pull you to him.

You sigh quietly, lying on your back and pulling him to settle between your legs once more. You had to trust him for his word.

Before Negan could continue, he looks down at you, propping himself up with one hand as the other gently strokes your hair back away from your face, allowing it to cascade along his grey sheets.

“Are you sure you want to do this, doll?” Negan says, accidentally pressing against you once more.

You roll your eyes, looking up at him. “If you don’t fuck me right now, I will show you how it is to finally be at someone’s mercy.”

He smirks, lifting your shirt above your head. “Well, fuck me. I kind of want to see what it’s like to be under your control, but don’t fucking worry. We will have plenty of time for that to fucking happen.”

Clothes begin to discard from both of your bodies with the accompaniment of sloppy kisses placed upon soft skin. When it came down to your underwear and his boxers, Negan let his fingertips run across your nipples, causing you to arch into his touch.

You never thought you would ever sleep with someone since Denny, but here you were… About to sleep with the enemy.

Negan discards your panties, tossing it carelessly over his shoulder as his eyes rake over your exposed body with a hungry look in his eyes. You couldn’t help but squirm along the bed, your folds soakingly wet and throbbing with the need for him to be inside of you.

 “Fuck, doll. You are fucking _beautiful_.”

You blush. Negan’s vocabulary was usually so vulgar, but never once did the word ‘beautiful’ ever escape his lips. Sure, he called you hot before, but being called beautiful was much of a bigger compliment.

You slowly push down his boxers, watching as his member springs free of its confines. You bite your lower lip at the sight of him – the girth and length was enough for you to extend your legs out even further to accommodate him.

Negan grabs his member with one hand as the other takes your wrists and places it above your head. He needed to feel you _now_. He waited long enough.

Suddenly, you feel the tip of his member slip past your folds causing a slight twinge of pain to rush through your body. It had been _years_ and you just hoped Negan remembered because you didn’t want this experience to be filled with pain.

“Holy fucking shit, doll… You are _fucking_ tight!” Negan smirks, looking down at you as he slowly pushes himself further into you until he was to the hilt. He remains still for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his size.

You had to admit, he felt _amazing_ and you wanted him to show you the same attention he showed his other wives. You wanted him to make you scream, to make the bed rock back against the wall…

You wanted him to show you that you were his and he was yours.

“Negan… I’m fine, _please_ move…” You urge him, slowly rolling your hips upwards. You gasp at the slight friction, feeling every inch of his member within your depths.

He growls at the movement, staring into your eyes as he begins moving his hips. Every thrust was enough for you to rock against him, urging him deeper than what was possible. You look down at where you two were connected, watching his member appear and disappear within your depths.

You could tell that he was holding back. He was being surprisingly gentle and you had to wonder if it was because he was afraid to hurt you or if he was afraid that he would finish too soon.

“Fuck me, Negan… Don’t hold back.” You tell him, placing a gentle kiss at his chin.

At your words, Negan searches for any hesitation in your eyes. When he doesn’t see any, he begins slamming into you. You moan loudly at the sudden sensation, keeping your legs extended to give him enough room to pound into you.

“Oh, fuck, doll…” Negan groans, your tight walls milking his member with each movement of his hips.

Negan continues to slam into you. His skin slaps against yours and the bed begins to rock back against the wall and for once, you couldn’t help but hope that everyone on this floor heard what was transpiring in his bedroom.

It reminded you that none of his wives were allowed to have sex in his room, but there you were… Breaking boundaries with _him_.

“Negan…” You whimper, tossing your head back as you manage to wiggle your hands free of his grasp to wrap around him tightly. He holds himself up, pulling his hips back almost completely before slamming into you in one long stroke.

“I want you to fucking scream my name, doll…” Negan demands, using one arm to wrap around your hips, pulling you slightly upwards so that with every thrust, he was slamming into your core, brushing you in just the _right_ spot that would make you come undone.

“Fuck… Negan…” You moan, but he wasn’t satisfied at the sounds that escaped your lips. When he slams into you roughly, you gasp at the pressure you felt at your abdomen. No one had ever been this deep and you loved every second of it, every _inch_.

“I’m sorry. I thought I told you to fucking _scream_ …” Negan suddenly grips your hips, holding you tightly as he speeds his thrusts.

The way he was pounding into you was something you never thought was possible. It was surprising that Negan lasted this long, but you knew you wouldn’t tell him that. It would only give him another incentive to punish you (not that you minded).

Negan’s hips merciless slam into you, making sure that you felt every inch of his member within your depths just as how he felt every inch of himself in your warm abyss. He knew he wouldn’t be able to last long, but he was sure he was going to last long enough to make you scream.

Suddenly, he lets his thumb rub against your bundle of nerves, circling it around lightly as his hips never falter its rhythm and roughness. It was just the right amount of pleasure for you to come undone… And to _scream_ his name.

“ _Negan!!!_ ” You arch your back, your fingertips digging into his back as you feel your body shake with the sheer ecstasy that overcome you.

He smirks proudly, slamming into you repeatedly to revel in your tightened heat before Negan pulls out to release along your lower abdomen. You watch how his face contorts into pleasure and how his body, too, slightly shakes with the climax he endured.

You lie there, heaving when you feel him gently wipe off his release from your skin. You smile to yourself, feeling his arms wrap around you to hold you against him. It felt nice. You figured he was the type of man to just “hit it and quit it,” but here was, cuddling with you after a nice session of hot sex.

“Just so you fucking know, we’re doing that again,” Negan tells you.

You look up at him, flashing him a small smile. You lean up, kissing his lips softly. “I would be worried if we didn’t.”

At the back of your mind, you remembered what Negan had done to Rick, to the group, but then you were reminded of what Daryl said. You just slept with Negan and you knew that this was where you belonged.

You felt like a traitor, but if Rick was willing to let you go, if Daryl was so quick to write you off, then maybe you never belonged in their group anyway.

“What are you thinking about?” Negan asks quietly, moving a hand to rest behind his head as the other wraps around your shoulders. You rest your cheek against him, your hand tracing circles onto his chest.

“I think, for once… I finally feel like I belong somewhere. If we didn’t sleep together, I would still feel that way. Those kids… They mean a lot to me and I have you to thank for that.” You tell him, shutting your eyes before you feel him hook a finger under your chin.

Negan presses his lips softly against yours. It reminded you of the kiss in the garden the night you decided to run away. It was slow and passionate as if he was taking his time mesmerizing the feel of your lips.

He pulls away after a few moments, staring into your eyes. You used to look at Negan with fear, but now you were looking at him as if he was just like everyone else. Many people (including himself) may put himself on a pedestal, but you saw right through it.

“Well, you’re welcome, doll. You’re the hottest fucking teacher I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure.” Negan smirks, lying back as you reach down to pull the covers over your naked bodies.

“Good night, Negan…”

Negan looks down at you, pecking your lips. “Good night, doll.”

You wondered how his wives would react now that Negan wasn’t going to be with them anymore. You were sure that majority of them would be grateful… All except one.

 _Amber_.


	17. The Announcement

Needless to say, you woke up with a slight soreness at your lower abdomen which reminded you of last night’s events. As you turn to face the snoring man next to you, you couldn’t help but smile at how he was sleeping so _peacefully_. It was tough to find a good night’s sleep in this new world and it was nice to see that Negan was letting himself relax.

He grunts, placing his arm around your bare midsection.

“I’ve gotta get ready,” you whisper, hearing him groan in protest. You knew you couldn’t sleep in, neither could Negan. He was the damn leader of this place; he needed to be up bright and early.

“I just want to fucking hold you. Is that okay? We can both be late.” Negan smirks, burying his face against the crook of your neck. It had been a while since you felt so relaxed and Negan was the result of it all. He helped you loosen up (in more ways than one) last night.

“I can’t believe you like to cuddle. This is surprising.” You smile, kissing his cheek as you bring a hand to gently rest on his chest.

“Don’t go and give out my damn secrets, doll.”

After a few moments, Negan pulls back to look down at you. For a moment, you see a glimmer of happiness reach his eyes before you assumed that the reality of the new world set in. He was still scared to allow himself to be happy, but then again, so were you.

“Hey… You won’t lose me.” You tell him, letting your lips gently peck his. He mewls out in appreciation, pulling away from you to stand from the bed. Needless to say, his bare body was enough to make your insides tingle just from the mere sight.

“I would love to fuck you in the shower, but we’ve got shit to do today. I’ll meet you back here for dinner?” Negan asks, grabbing his pants, a clean pair of boxers, and a black t-shirt for today.

“That sounds fine. You be careful, okay?” You reply, leaning up on your knees to peck his lips. You wrap your arm around his shoulders, holding him close to your as your breasts press against his chest and you feel the tickle of his chest hair against your soft skin.

“I’m always fucking careful, doll. Plus, I’ve got to talk to my wives today. Give them the fucking rundown of what’s going to happen. Afterwards, there will be a small meeting held in the main commons. So, be sure to join me when that happens. Your kids can even watch.”

You arch a brow, silently questioning what he was up to.

“Okay. I’m going to go back to my room and get ready because we both know that if I join you in that shower, we will never leave.” You laugh quietly, climbing off his bed and beginning to change into your clothes from last night.

Negan makes sure to lead you to his door before placing a light kiss onto your forehead. It was such a meaningful gesture that you couldn’t help but blush.

“See you later, doll.”

* * *

It was past lunch time and Emmy had come back to sit right next to you. Sometimes, she even decided to sit on your lap. You believed it made her feel comfortable and since her mother died, she didn’t have that mother figure in her life anymore.

“I drew Negan something… Do you think he’s going to like it?” Emmy asks, pulling the paper from her pocket and unraveling it for you to see.

You were sitting at your desk with her on your lap and once she placed it onto the desk, you couldn’t help but smile. She had drawn Negan with the bat resting firmly on his shoulder, the red scarf and leather jacket clear in view. It was his trademark after all.

“Emmy, that is _amazing_! I’m sure Negan will love it.”

“We didn’t have any coloring pencils, so it’s a little plain…” Emmy says with slight disappointment. You had told Simon and a few of the Saviors to keep a look out for colored pencils or anything that kids could use. Needless to say, Simon hit the jackpot in terms of necessities for the class.

“Well, I was going to wait, but…” You reach into your drawer and pull out a box of colored pencils, handing it to her. Instantly, her eyes lit up in excitement.

Negan enters the classroom, watching you with the little girl with slight amusement in his features. He would be lying to himself if he said the sight of you with a little girl gave him an idea about what life he could have with you, a glimpse of what could have happened if the world wasn’t filled with enemies and the walking dead.

You look up to see Negan while Emmy begins to color and you bite your lower lip, motioning him over with a slight nod of your head. Emmy was too engrossed in coloring that she didn’t notice Negan standing behind the chair.

“Is that me?” Negan’s voice filter the entire classroom, causing the little girl to jump up in surprise.

“Negan! I’m not done yet… Don’t look!” She scrambles to cover the drawing and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, alright. Finish coloring. I’ll wait right here.” Negan smiles, sitting at one of the small chairs in front of you. It was a bit of a funny sight to see. Negan was a tall man and to see him sitting in a small chair that was big enough to fit Emmy made you want to chuckle, though you refrained.

As Emmy continued to color, you glance at Negan, meeting his eyes almost instantly.

It was odd how you two were conversing through your eyes alone and you couldn’t help but notice how good of a mood he seemed to be in. Just as he was going to say something, Emmy grins and climbs off your lap to walk around your desk.

“All done, Negan!” She stands in front of him – she was extremely tiny when standing in front of Negan.

“Well, let me see it.” Negan smiles, taking the paper from the little girl.

Emmy stares at Negan with hopeful eyes and you stand up to sit next to Negan, smiling as you look over the drawing. The color definitely added more depth to the picture and you glance down to see Emmy with her lower lip nervously between her teeth.

“Do you – Do you like it?” Emmy asks.

You look over at Negan who stares at the photo for a moment before letting it rest on his lap. He looks down at Emmy, letting a smile line his lips and for the first time, the little girl didn’t see a sinister smile that she was used to… It was _genuine_.

“I _love_ it, Emmy. You kidding me? I think I’m going to put it up in my office so that way whenever I have those important meetings, _everyone_ will see it.”

Emmy instantly breaks out into a grin, abruptly hugging him. Negan freezes for a moment, not used to being liked around the compound but the only opinion that mattered to him was yours…

And now Emmy’s, apparently.

His long arms wrap around the tiny girl, returning the hug. You witness the interaction, biting your lower lip as your mind drifts to a life you could have had if this world never ended.

“Come on, Em. Gotta bring you back to your brother. Negan’s got a meeting for everyone, so we have to make sure that you’ll be there.” You hoist Emmy into your arms, standing up from the seat as Negan follows.

“Thank you again, Emmy.”

* * *

You walk back to your classroom, seeing Negan with the drawing in his hand. His eyes looked distant as if he was thinking really hard about something.

“Hey…” You interrupt him, taking a seat next to him. “You okay?”

Negan nods, “Fuck yeah, I am. I guess you were right about giving those kids some sort of… Life and maintaining their innocence despite this shit world. I get it.”

“That’s not all, is it?”

He shakes his head.

“You ever sit in this classroom and wonder what it would have been like if this world didn’t end, doll? You ever see these kids and wish that they were _yours_?”

You furrow a brow. You just slept with Negan last night and here he was, sitting in your classroom talking about kids.

“… Of course I do. But it’s… I wouldn’t want to raise a child in this world. After Denny died… I didn’t want kids. Didn’t want to have that life anymore. I was a teacher and my students… They’re figuratively my kids and I’m okay with that.”

Negan simply nods. “You think Emmy likes me?”

You smile, standing to sit on his lap. He eagerly wraps his arm around your waist as your arm drapes around his neck. “Is that where all this is coming from? Because of Emmy?”

He nods shyly, looking down at the drawing once more. It was nice of a change to see Negan so vulnerable rather than a role that you (and many others) were used to seeing.

“I never really cared what other people fucking thought about me. Still don’t, but that little girl… When I walked in here and saw her sitting on your lap, doll… It fucking made me wonder. This world may be shit, but it’s our duty as humans to rise above it and claim it back as our own, right?”

You nod. He continues.

“I never wanted kids. Not even when I was with Lucille. I was a – a gym coach. Ping Pong. And those kids irritated the shit out of me. Ruined my image of having kids, but I see you with Emmy and I see how good you are with kids and it makes me want to give you _that_ life. Is it ideal? Fuck no, but it isn’t impossible.”

This was the first time Negan told you about what he used to do and to say that you were surprised was a bit of an understatement. You couldn’t believe it. He didn’t look like he could be a gym coach, no less of a sport like Ping Pong.

“Negan… We just – We literally just figured out our relationship last night. Don’t you think we’re moving a bit too fast?”

He sighs, “Well, it’s not like I can take you out on dates to prove to you that I want this. Our time is limited, doll. And however I want to spend that time is going to be spent with you. I didn’t know what I fucking signed up for when I took you from Rick…”

You shift uncomfortably at the mention of Rick. You almost forgot that you were brought here as an enemy. At the end of the night, though, it was Negan that was going to be holding you. Not Rick.

“You’re a hopeless romantic, huh, Negan?” You say, trying to break the tension.

He simply rolls his eyes but maintains a smile.

“Depends. Do you fucking like it, doll?”

“Maybe… Amongst other things,” you whisper into his ear, gently catching his earlobe between your teeth.

Negan grunts, his grip tightening at your hip. “I’ve got some work to do, but you’re making it real fucking difficult to do what I gotta do.”

You laugh, standing from his lap.

“Well, get to work then. I’ll see you later. Let me know how the talks with the wives go.”

* * *

You hadn’t seen Negan since he stopped by your classroom, but that was merely a few hours ago. Negan was a busy man, especially being the leader of this entire compound.

As you were walking to your room, you see Amber step out of the wives’ lounge with a few of the other wives running after her.

“Hey, bitch!” You turn your head at her voice, furrowing a brow before you see the glimmer of light reflect on the blade of the knife.

“Amber… What are you doing?” You ask, clearing your throat.

“Negan had a talk with all of us. You think you can make him change? He’s going to want us all back as soon as he realizes that you aren’t worth it.” She steps closer to you, gripping the handle of the knife.

“Amber, stop… Think about it. We’re free now. No more rules,” Sherry interrupts, trying to reason with her.

“I am not going to be working for points!” Amber lunges at you and you instantly move to the side, watching her collide with the wall before she screams and runs after you.

“I love him! You will not take him away from me!” You hear her yell, following you down the stairs. It probably was a bad idea to take the commotion to where everyone could see you, but it was just as dangerous being outnumbered.

Once outside the lawn, Amber grabs your hair, bringing the knife close to your abdomen. You widen your eyes, and just like clockwork, your adrenaline kicks in and you deliver a sharp punch across her face.

Negan and Simon approach the two of you, clear anger and concern flashing in Negan’s eyes. You look up at him before dropping your eyes to Amber who was lying on the grass with the knife still in hand.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Negan yells.

Amber stands up, clutching her cheek with her free hand. “She – She hit me, Negan! She’s not supposed to lay a hand on a wife!”

Simon catches the knife in Amber’s hand, nudging Negan with a gentle elbow and pointing at the weapon. Negan’s smile was replaced with a blank expression and it was scary.

“Simon, gather the rest of the people and bring them out here. I guess my announcement has come fucking sooner than I thought.”

Simon nods, talking over the walkie-talkie to instruct that Dwight bring the civilians out onto the lawn. You took notice of the slight jovial in Dwight’s tone. He must have heard that Sherry was now free to go back to him.

Once everyone gathered where they were supposed to, Negan circles the center with Lucille propped on his shoulder. It looked like an exact replica of Emmy’s drawing.

“Are you going to punish her, _daddy_?” Amber smirks, looking over at you. You cringe at the nickname, looking up at Negan.

“I’m not your daddy so cut that shit off.”

Negan looks around, his eyes falling on you for a moment before looking away. You didn’t have enough time to see what he was possibly thinking.

“Now, as you may all know, doll here has been a new addition to the Sanctuary for a few months now. She’s also the teacher to many of your kids. Last night… We fucking decided to stop parading around our feelings and here the fuck we are! Happy as can be.” Negan smirks, walking over to you and draping his arm around your waist.

You blush, glancing down at your feet.

“Negan, don’t,” you whisper. You knew if he told everyone that he let his wives go, it would take a hit to his reputation.

“I’m gonna,” he whispers back, kissing your cheek.

“And you know what? Maybe the fucking fearless leader can find love after all! I don’t need my wives anymore. They are free to fuck whoever the fuck they want from now on. No punishments.”

Everyone gasps and Amber’s hate and anger flashes clear in her eyes.

“I know you must all think… _Oh, Negan’s such a softie… Oh, Negan’s going to be weak…_ Fuck that! If you think for one goddamn second that I will soften up, you have got another fucking thing coming!

Rules will still fucking apply. She belongs to _me_ and everyone here knows what happens when you try to take something that belongs to me.”

You couldn’t help but feel somewhat special. Negan had given up his wives for you, had admitted to the people of his compound that you were going to be the one by his side from now on.

It was a scary thought, but you enjoyed the attention.

“No! That is not fair!” Amber screams, running to you with knife in hand before a gun goes off and you notice Amber falling back with blood splattering on your face.

You flinch immediately, looking down to see that the knife had barely penetrated you. It was just a small cut that a simple band-aid could help.

You look around to see where the shot had gone off and you see Dwight with the gun raised and Sherry at his side. You glance at Negan to see the shocked expression but at the sight of Sherry, he simply nods.

Everyone around you was shocked to see what just occurred and you were glad that majority of the kids decided to stay inside. They didn’t need to witness this.

“Back to fucking business! If I am not around and you need anything at all… Talk to doll here and she will gladly help. If we’re figuratively speaking here, I’m the fucking King of this castle and she… She is my fucking _Queen_.”

Negan smirks over at you, leaning over to kiss the back of your head. You smile, glancing around the crowd but you couldn’t make out their reaction. You assumed that most didn’t exactly care for what just happened.

“That is all. You are all fucking dismissed. Back to work!”

Negan dismisses the crowd, turning to you before he walks over to Dwight. He shakes the man’s hand, instantly nodding.

When Negan turns to you, you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around him. Things were finally falling in place.

“Wanna go back to my room?” Negan asks.

“ _Fuck_ yes.”


	18. AUTHOR'S NOTE: THE END

Hello, everyone! So, I figured I'd stop this story where it is. She found her happy ending and it was with the man wielding the barbed-wire bat. I enjoyed all the feedback I was given (the kudos/comments). It made me really happy that people liked the story! 

I'm conjuring up a new Negan fic that will be probably be posted late tonight or tomorrow night! So, keep a look out on that. 

Thank you so much for reading! 


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